A typical episode of NEXT
EXT. A NONDESCRIPT PARK SOMEWHERE IN CALIFORNIA – NOON
MINDY poses and smiles blankly at the camera.
Camera should PAN UP from her waist with a WIDE-ANGLE LENS to make her look more desirable than she actually is. ESTABLISHING SHOTS of her puckering her lips, flashing her tits, giggling, etc. She doesn’t have to memorize these lines and a cue card will be available during filming.
MINDY
Hey MTV! My name’s Mindy; I’m twenty-three and I’m looking for a guy that’s going to hold his weight in a relationship – and in the gym. Yeah, I’m a fitness instructor - but the elliptical isn’t the only thing getting my heart up! Let’s see what we’ve got here!
NARRATOR (O.S)
Can the boys handle a women of steel? Or will she steal their hopes and give them the ultimate next?
INT. THE “NEXT BUS” – A BUS FULL OF DOUCHEBAGS
BRAD, MICHAEL, NICK, TONY, and MATT sit on the couch in the van. They are detestable and convey the sense that you want to kill them all at first glance. BRAD stands up and cracks his knuckles.
BRAD
Well guys, providing I don’t *beep* this one up, you better I hope I leave enough of her left to go around!
OTHER DOUCHEBAGS
Ohhhh!
The DOUCHEBAGS fist pump. BRAD exits the bus.
EXT. OUTSIDE OF THE BUS – NOON
BRAD steps down. FREEZE FRAME.
TITLE CARD:
. Favorite movie is “League Of The Extraordinary Gentlemen”
. Got a marble stuck in his pee-hole.
. Bullied a member of high school class into committing suicide
EXT. IN THE PARK – NOON
BRAD steps up to greet MINDY.
MINDY
Hey, I’m Mindy.
BRAD
Hey Mindy, I’m Brad.
MINDY
Do you like ostriches, Brad?
BRAD
Yeah, ostriches are great.
CAMERA PANS OVER to reveal thousands of OSTRICHES eating grass around the park. MINDY holds up a reciprocating saw.
MINDY
Great - because we’ve got some ostriches here and one of them has a coupon inside – and if we cut open the right one with this reciprocating saw, we’ll find a coupon to have a date together at Applebee’s.
BRAD
Hang on Mindy, I don’t do Applebees.
(Pause. "WTF?" screech noise)
MINDY
Whoa sorry - but you just stopped being the person I thought you were. Next!
BRAD
Whatever, I’d take an ostrich over you any day! Later! Ima go off counting my money!
BRAD walks off back to the bus
MINDY
How do you like them apples? Hah-hah, hah-hah, hah-hah – I’m Mindy.