Lano and Woodley wrote a book called "Housemeeting".
. I'm very very determined to try and get the publishers to get this book republished. It's a BRILLIANT comedy novel. Only about 1,000 copies were printed originally, and they're now selling for like $60-$270 on ebay.
If you like them at all, have heard of them, or want the opportunity to like their novel/hear of them, or you are just bored, or you have a similar situation and feel pity for me, or you just want to help me out please please sign it. And if you want to *really* do me a favour, get people on your msn lists, or on other forums, to sign it. There are only 135 signatures at the moment, and that's TOTALLY PATHETIC considering how many thousands of people go to their live performances and watch their tv show.
Here are some bits from it!! It's in script form, with random bits of narrative in between. It's about Col kicking Frank out of their house because he's sick of him being so slack.
Colin: Frank, I want you to know that even though I'm kicking you out, I still consider you to be my friend.
Frank: So we'll still be able to muck around together?
Colin: I'd prefer that you didn't come over to visit, but if you want to give me a call, I'd be quite prepared to talk to you on the phone for a minute or two.
Frank: Thanks Col. What's our phone number again?
Colin: We've been living here for nine years and you can't remember our phone number?
Frank: We'll I've never had to call it. I'm not in the habit of calling myself. Now, if you wanted the number for Dial-A-Tarot-Reading, I could give it to you.
Colin: All right. Our number is 5 ... 3 ... 2 ..
Frank: Hold on. I'll just get out my little computer diary so I can remember it.
Colin: Frank. There's a pencil and paper just there on the table.
Frank: Oh, right. Yeah... I'll just wack it in the computer. It won't take a second.
Colin: Frank... ... It'd be much quicker with the pencil.
Frank: Mmm ... maybe ... but ...
Colin: Frank, what's wrong?
Frank: Okay, okay. I've never used a pencil before. I'm sure they're very simple, that's what everyone says, and I know that even kids use them in school ... but ... I don't understand them ... How do you hold them? I ... um ...
Colin: It's all right, Frank. You're not the only person to be intimidated by pencils, but believe me, they're very simple. This rubber bit on the end, that's your 'delete' button. You choose the format by just writing it however you want, and then when you're finished you simply exit your current program by putting down your pencil and walking away.
Frank: It can't be that simple. How do you save it? Isn't there a risk that you'll lose everything?
Colin: That's one of those classic pencil myths. It doesn't happen. You just put it in your wallet.
Frank: Col, put me down! Don't carry me down the corridor and throw me out the front door!
Col: Frank, why are you describing everything as it happens?
Frank: If I don't, how will the readers know what's going on?
Col: Oh come on! I don't believe you. Everyone reads "Who". Everyone loves that kind of Hollywood gossipy stuff.
Frank: Rubbish! I'm sure if you gave a Who Weekly to an Eskimo, he wouldn't care less about the people in it!!
Col: I reckon he would. He would've seen them all on the telly.
Frank: Not those sort of Eskimos. The ones who live in igloos. Untouched by modern technology.
Col: Are there still Eskimos like that?
Frank: I don't know! But if there are, it wouldn't relate to them. When was the last time you saw an Eskimo in Who Weekly?
Col: Are there any famous Eskimos?
Frank: I'm sure there are, within their own community. "There goes Chuntinqua, the only Eskimo who can build an igloo in less than fifteen minutes'. You know, that sort of thing.
Col: No, I mean world famous.
Frank: What about Scott of the Antarctic?
Col: He wasn't an Eskimo. Eskimos are from the Arctic… He's from the Antarctic.
Frank: So is he the only famous person from the Antarctic?
Col: Well, nobody really lives in the Antarctic. He went there on an expedition. He was English.
Frank: Then why do they call him "Scott of the Antarctic"? He should be called "Scott who went *to* the Antarctic". A guy I know, Russell, went to Thailand for a holiday once, but don't you think it would be a bit inappropriate to start calling him "Russell of Thailand"? What
was Scott doing there anyway?
Col: He was trying to be the first person to the South Pole. But he didn't make it. He froze to death on the way.
Frank: So he really should be called "Scott who went to the Antarctic but probably shouldn't've"
Col: Were we talking about something?
Frank: What sort of tea would you like?
Col: oh… Ah, white with nine sugars, thanks.
Frank: No, I mean what type of tea?
Col: I'm sorry Frank, you keep repeating that strange question, but
I'm not sure what you want from me.
F: I thought you might like a herbal.
F: I bought some herbal teas today, and I thought you might like one. We've got peppermint, chamomile, rosehip and lemongrass.
C: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? Look at me. Do I have a straggly beard? Is my hair stuck together in clumps? Am I nude, dancing to bongos while I express my love for the moon goddess? Just give me a cup of tea!!! NORMAL tea!!!
F: Why do you say that?
C: Cos that's what I feel like.
F: No, why do you say `normal'? Are you saying that people who drink different tea than you, or think different things than you, are abnormal?
C: All I mean is give me the tea that we usually drink.
F: Don't you want to try something new?
C: Yes, I do want to try new things, but I don't want to try your stupid hippie herb juice! All I want is a cup of tea. Just a NICE CUP OF TEA!!
F: Okay, okay. What sort of milk?
F: Cow's or soy milk?
C: I'm sorry?
F: I bought some soy milk today as well.
C: You spent our kitty money on milk from a BEAN? What the hell is milk from a bean?? I didn't even know that beans had teats!
F: It's better for your health.
C: That's true. I might lose some weight, cos there's no way I'm going to drink it.
F: I knew this guy who had a really bad mucous problem, and he went off dairy products and now he's fine.
C: big deal!
F: and… I knew this girl who had really bad acne, and she went off dairy products and now she's a highly paid fashion model in Paris.
C: And I knew this family whose father was in a plane crash in the jungle. The whole family went off dairy products and apparently he's built a glider out of vine leaves and he's coming home tonight. Forget the tea! Forget all about it! Just forget all about the tea!! Forget the tea and everything else!!! I've had it up to here with all
So, please sign it!! and, if you have a petition you want signed, post it here!
Don't Drop the Wood!
http://colandfrank.proboards56.com -Lano And Woodley Forum