Things we learned from The Descent

11. If lost in a cave and you think there might be a nearby exit, immediately start sprinting, turning blind corners, and ignoring your friends screams.

(Dikey chick who ends up busting her leg to the point of bone showing). That part bothered me the most.

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Numbers 2-10 have simple explanations. I'll give you number 1 though

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1. Monstrous white creatures can hunt outside the caves for thousands of years without ever being seen.

Yeah, the whole "they've evolved perfectly to live down here" thing is problematic. They don't explain exactly what the Crawlers are or how closely related to humans they're supposed to be; ie, are they a separate species evolved from a common ancestor, or a really extreme variation on modern humans (Homo sapiens)? Either way, they'd have had to be around for a long time (maybe a couple of hundred thousand years) so it's pretty unlikely that no one aside from a few nineteenth-century sperlunkers have never run into them before.

2. When you de-evolve, you lose your eyesight (which you need for hunting).

"De-evolve" isn't really a thing ("evolution" just means "change"). But yeah, this one's tricky. There are examples of cave-dwelling organisms (like fish) losing their eyesight over many generations, but if the Crawlers regularly go outside to find food...

3. Blind creatures can draw pretty pictures.

The implication was that the pictures were drawn by the Crawlers' ancestors, back when they could still see. Which is a problem in itself, because the oldest cave art we've ever found is something like 40,000 years old, and I'm not sure that's far enough back for something like the Crawlers to have evolved since.

4. Women with no visible muscle definition can hold themselves by one hand.

I don't recall how much muscle definition any of them had, and I have no idea how buff a woman would have to be to hold up her own weight (female Olympic gymnasts seem to manage it pretty well, and they're generally waifish teenagers). So I'll give you that one.

5. If someone is fighting creatures with a weapon and you wanna help, sneak up quietly and touch them on the shoulder. Surely you won't get stabbed in the neck.

The fight was over by that point. It was still kind of dumb for Beth to sneak up on Juno like that, but she thought she was in for a fun caving adventure and suddenly it's all collapsing tunnels and uncharted cavern systems and naked troglodytes eating her friends. It's possible she's not thinking as clearly as she should be.

6. Smell is also obviously useless for hunting, so evolution took that away too.

I'm not sure they mentioned smell, but it is a bit far-fetched that a Crawler could get that close to two frightened sweaty women and not smell them, feel their body heat, or sense their presence in any way at all. So I'll give you that one too.

7. Never report your caving adventure to the local Mountain Rescue Patrol (or whatever it's called)

They did report it, and filed a "flight plan". They talked about this during the drive, and again right after they got trapped. Unfortunately they were in the "wrong f---ing cave", so it wasn't much help.

8. Creatures that feast on flesh can't detect it with smell, eyesight, or even touch, unless you make a noise.

See #6.

9. Creatures that use sound to see never make sounds, unless they've already snuck up on you, and need to jump-scare you.

They'd be pretty useless hunters if they alerted the prey to their presence before they were ready to strike.

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1. Monstrous white creatures can hunt outside the caves for thousands of years without ever being seen.

They were seen by two group of people at least (and possibly more) but they all got killed by them...

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