Things one can learn from watching Material Girls

1) Madonna's Material Girls should be sung by someone who can actually sing well, like Madonna.

2) Despite being sisters, the Duffs don't have much chemistry together.

3) A rich girl who loves chemistry and wants to go to UCLA does not really act or behave like someone who is smart and ready for such an advanced college.

4) If your house is on fire, throw towels into the fire and feed it rather than throwing them over the fire and smothering it.

5) A girl will not recognize that the woman with the skin rash who upturned the cosmetics company is the same woman in the Tivo of her dad that she watched over and over...not until much later on.

6) A cute boy, who is also a chemist (big surprise!), is only a valet for the girls because he wants to be nice...

7) ...even though they never acknowledged him.

8) Likewise, the girl will only notice the nice, attractive "valet" when he saves her life.

9) Valets in the city are easy to point out because they always wear ragged street clothes.

10) A woman who was your housekeeper all your life will still have two daughters living back in Colombia.

11) A girl who tells her sister that she will never speak to her again will instantly forget about her promise.

12) If the bus driver extends his hand to you when you get on a bus, it means he wants a tip.

13) Washing dishes and ironing is so complicated for heiresses that they will give up and throw the dishes away or they will just leave the iron on the board and scorch the clothes.

14) Your fiancee may dump you if your hair is not nice-looking.

15) The most obvious job for heiresses to take after losing everything is a private investigator.

16) If you are snooping for evidence for your company in an office, make lots of noise with the door and cabinets.

17) When you are erratically trying to escape said office amid snarling dogs and dumpsters, take time out to flirt and casually chat with fellow chemist.

18) A guy likes to have his cat at his office work space.

19) Even if you manage to make up with a guy whom you liked before, feel free to yell at him like a whiny bitch and break up with him again because he can't control his cat.

20) If a guy manages to catch you in a dumpster, he is a hero.

21) People in jail are not as bad as we think they are.

22) If an heiress makes bail in jail, she will not want to leave until she starts a book club with the inmates.

23) Ava Marchetta likes to yell and act bitchy to people for no reason (ie. the bus driver, the desk sargeant at the jail, her old boy mate).

24) Hilary Duff is such a talented actress that she plays the same cute yet bitchy blonde character who overemphasizes her lines, makes amateur facial expressions, and stutters a lot.

25) Hilary REALLY likes to have all her characters stutter in her movies.

26) Just like any MaryKate/Ashley Olsen direct-to-video vehicle, the plot is nonsensical, the sound and production values are low, each sister ends up with their dream man and job, and they all live happily ever after.


Such an educational movie-going experience! If anybody else learned anything from this movie, feel free to add on to the list.