MovieChat Forums > P.S. I Love You (2007) Discussion > Would letters help or hinder you in the ...

Would letters help or hinder you in the grieving process?

posted 12 years ago by Katie_snow
25 replies | jump to latest

Do you think a loved one leaving you letters and other personal messages, to be read after they've died, would help or hinder your grieving process?

I'm just really curious to see what people's opinions are.

I recently read this article:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/family/8503753/Dying-mothers-final-gift-to-her-daughter-a-guide-to-life.html

(sorry I don't know how to make it clickable!!) and thought it was such a fabulous and thoughtful idea, but my brother completely disagrees and brought up Ps. i love you as an example and said sometimes it's better that people just go and you get on with the grieving process...

I'd love to hear your opinions guys!

[–] anngela 12 years ago

I think the letters would be helpful. But it would also be hurtful, because the day when there's no more letters... well, it would be like a 2nd death :/

[–] zeppieri_09 12 years ago

There's a big difference between leaving a "guide to life" and planning a whole year of spontaneous letters and trips etc. I think it's pretty obvious getting a letters for a year would definitely NOT help the grieving process. And as angela said i agree when the letters stop it would be pretty devastating

[–] swhite2008 12 years ago

I think a "guide to life" could be a little harmful too. The movie "Lucky 7" comes to mind (with Kimberly Williams). This little girl's mom makes her a life map before she dies of cancer and she grows up living it to the exact specification and is afraid to deviate from the plan that her mom made.

[–] kelly-527 12 years ago

I agree that when the letters stopped it would be devastating. Plus, who else could live up to that memory and love?

[–] chiluvr1228 12 years ago

I lost my husband 18 months ago and as I was watching this movie, I was thinking I wish "L" would have left me letters. But like someone said, when the letters stopped it would be like losing him forever, again.

I would have liked to receive one letter, however, to be delivered to me after he died.

[–] gmansi 11 years ago

Good luck for you. Keep walking.

[–] Darkfalz1979 11 years ago

Did you use and screw two random people as part of your "grieving" process?

[–] BulletProof011308 11 years ago

What the eff are you talking about darkfalz. Not only are you factually incorrect about your rude judgement but who the heck are you judge someone else's life or grieving process? Seriously.

[–] Kariann1 11 years ago

So rude, and so unnecessary!

[–] sammarie87 11 years ago

As others have already stated, I am so sorry for your loss. I also agree with the one letter minimum idea you have offered, which I find to be perfectly romantic enough but yet, not lingering or hindering the grieving process.

That being said, if I were to loose my husband, I don't know if my greatest concern would be to "get over him" and the letters would be bittersweet and wonderful. I think it would be something I knew was bad for me, but wouldn't care in the slightest because how good for someone is losing a spouse at all? It's a horrible loss, that I don't know if I would ever fully recover and I know the pain would be so suffocating that the letters would offer a sweet glimmer of happiness during my times of sorrow.

[–] BulletProof011308 11 years ago

I think they would help me. My mother passed away when i was 12 and she wrote me letters throughout my life for me to read when I became an adult. I haven't got the strength to read them yet (I'm 20 now) bc they make me so sad but I am so so glad I have them.

If my husband died I don't know if I would ever get through it without having letters like holly had. He helped her to live through his death and I believe without his letters she would still be Laying on her couch.

[–] Kariann1 11 years ago

I am sorry for your loss. You were so young which makes the letters even more important. What a wonderful gift of love!

[–] SkyPowers 11 years ago

Like it or not, if you truly love someone, it takes at least a year or two to get over the gnawing grief. And the scar will always remain. For most, you can't just get on with your life as if a large chunk never happened. You'd be constantly thinking of them anyway. So with that in mind, Gerry's intent was to ease the process, gradually, over time ... getting Holly "out there" again into the real world. His last letter fully intended to set her free.

I had a little trouble with the rebound character, Daniel (Harry Connick Jr.). How could she resist him? SPOILER ALERT ... When they finally kiss both simultaneously don't feel chemistry? A plot contrivance in my opinion so she could get back with Gerry's lifelong friend in Ireland.

[–] squirt41us 11 years ago

I think the letters would help the grieving process

Hugs

[–] lseeber-1 11 years ago

NOT help.

[–] andrei12797 11 years ago

In my opinion it depends of what is written in that letter. Based from the movie I'd say that it help her in the process, because instead of her just there in their apartment, the letters actually made her feel better, got her to go out and remember him in a way that she does not feel that he has left. Then comes the last letter that her husband wrote, it shows there the point where they both let go of each other and let the other one move on and live her life.

[–] jaysea2 11 years ago

I think if this happened to me, I would love at least one letter. I think it would have helped...as long as it was positive and helped me move on with my life. Some people grieve so much that they just don't feel like living without the loved one they just lost. Know what I mean? I hope that the love they had before the death gave them the strength to keep going. Life shouldn't end because we lose a loved one. It sure feels like it does... sometimes ...but our lost loved one wouldn't want us to be that sad and unhappy. We're all different and we all grieve in different ways. But I do believe that LIFE is for living. Like the line in that famous poem reads "...we will grieve not, but rather find strength in what remains behind".

You know what I mean...

(I just watched this movie again today...and still like it. I'm not much of a Swank fan, either.)

[–] rabbyt1 11 years ago

I think one letter that said something like "I love you and I'll be waiting on the other side..." would be great. Maybe even something saying that they don't want me to grieve, that they want me to move on when I'm ready, and to not hide away from the world, would also help.

I know if I knew I was dying I'd want to do the same for my husband.

[–] skiddoo 10 years ago

Saying you will meet on the other side might make a person commit suicide in order to join the loved one sooner.

[–] joyceday 10 years ago

I used to think those kind of letters would help me if I were grieving the loss of a husband but I'm watching the movie again right now and I realize that it would hold me back from the grieving process. I wouldn't want them because it would feel like he was still there but he's not and I would want to move on with my life and get used to him not being there. When she can no longer feel him around her she is the same pain a year later that she would have learned to deal with much earlier without those letters.