Today You Die (2005) review: The best movie I have ever witnessed.
The handsome lead, is an expert cat burglar, and driver, who wants to make a clean break from the life of crime. He does one last job and everybody starts attacking him. Fortunately, he is accustomed to the world of martial arts, and dishes out a world of pain. So cool.
The cool lead (never seen him before, but this guy is awesome, charisma, looks, cool, talent, the clothes. The whole package!) So the lead moves to Vegas and gets a legit job as an armoured truck driver. They pick up money from a Casino, then all hell breaks loose and the driver decides to rob the money and kill everybody. He gets double-crossed and it's NOT HIS FAULT.
There's an amazing police chase around Vegas, where the handsome lead shows us how good a driver he really is! Wow!
He gets caught by the police through no fault of his own, and gets thrown in prison, where he meets his hilarious co-star "Treach". This guy is so funny, and likeable. But not quite as good as the lead who just oozes charisma, and is an artist in the martial arts.
He brings so much energy to the role, so much cool, I love all of his cool outfits, and his action scenes are incredible. He is a true star, the one true star. Forget Arnie, or Stallone. This is the pinnacle of action stardom.
He is on another level and way better than Jean Claude Van Douche. Jon Clit Van Nozzle is nothing compared to this guy, with his dumb accent, and goofy looking face. Van Dongle with his stupid splits. Does he need to do the splits in every god damb movie!? It's so lame, he looks like a girl with his ineffective splits! And his fake wimpy kicks. Can Van Douche beat a dude up without even having to kick? Can he take down 5 guys, barely moving? Can he do Aikido.........NO! His face just annoys me, while the lead of this masterpiece is so handsome with his cool ponytail and dashing Italian looks. He's just so badass. Dark, mysterious, and deadly, and gangsta.
Anyway, the lead of this does all of his own stunts, and shows his true athletical prowess many times, and moves of bone crunching bruticality. Agile like a Bull, graceful like a Gazelle, yet strong like a Swan. Jon Clod Van Driver is half the star he is, I heard they bumped into each other in a restaurant and Sir Steve challenged him to a fight right there and then. Wimpy Jon Clutz Van Porn laughed in my face! I could tell he was scared, and he muttered something about his wife and kids standing behind him. I didn't care, mine were too, they've seen me beat up loads of guys, and are used to witnessing baddassary on the regular. Alphas do what Alphas do, top of the food chain, I could eat that little sniveling wimp for breakfast. Anyway, he skulked off to his table laughing and said something about organising a ring fight. Who does he think he is, I'm from the streets, guys like me throw down anywhere and everywhere. I eat from the street, sleep in the street, sweat, blood and tears, and cum in the street. He too old anyway, unlike me whose never changed one bit, I'm the same man I was 30 years ago.
Back to the movie. The fighting is a sight to behold, his hands move so fast I can hardly see them move, it's like a blur and the camera man just can't keep up. That's why most of the best work is just off camera because of that stupid ass camera man. I never liked him the day I walked on set, I caught him sniggering when I walked into the room, and I tried to get his ass fired many times, he just wasn't filming me right, and any mistakes were all on him. A complete amateur.
So if you rate this fantastic movie a 9.5 you know who to blame. Isn't that right Ernie! I'll never work with you again.
You're BLACKBALLED buddy!
Anyway, I rate this movie 10 out of 10. It's probably the best film I've ever seen in my life and I will check out every film from this amazing, talented, handsome martial arts King. I'll make sure to buy a copy and even buy a few for family members as they will love it too. So think about that. One for you, and a few for friends. Sounds like a good investment, and your friends will love you for it.
My IMDB:
https://www.imdb.com/user/ur161718080/?ref_=nv_usr_prof_2