I'm really sorry, I'm English and I don't have Sky so apparently I'm not allowed to watch the Oscars. I was just wondering, everyone's saying about how great Chris Rock's opening monologue was...can anyone tell me what he said? I think he's a really funny guy so I'd like to know.
shareif you like his comedy, you'd probably like it.
I don't have a transcript. sorry :)
He had jokes about how there were really only 4 big stars in movies. One funny bit was, if you are looking for Denzel Washington, and all you can get is me (chris rock referring to himself) then WAIT.
He went on an anti-Bush spiel. But he did it tastefully. He didn't make it personal. Instead, he used an analogy of working as a clerk at a clothing store called the Gap. I really can't say it funny like him. But he talkied about what would happen if he went out $2 trillion short at the cash register, and if he led an invasion against another clothing store (banana republic) because of toxic tank tops, and then found out they didn't sell any tank tops at all. LOL.
Aside from the monologue, he wasn't really funny. But his bit about drive thru oscars was pretty funny (referring to attempts to shorten the show by handing out "lesser" awards in the aisles instead of on stage)
Do you remember the Renee Zellweger joke he made? I can't think of the name he used, but I thought it was funny. He said that she gained 25 lbs to play Bridget Jones, and next was going to gain 75 lbs to play ______________. I can't remember whose name he said! Do you remember?
Uncle Bill, I don't want to go to Terre Haute!