This movie made me want to perforate my own skull with a nail gun

I sat through this piece of crap one day because my boyfriend and I were arguing, and we had reached the "not talking" stage precisely when this movie started. About 15 minutes into it, I glared at him with my "Are you *beep* serious?" look. I knew he was smarter than this movie. And yet...the channel wasn't changing. Perhaps I was wrong.

I'll just cut to the top five reasons this movie sucked; I'm getting mad at my boyfriend again just thinking about the hour and a half during which I could have felt like more of a genius by drooling and smacking myself.

1. The only acting I was impressed by was the main character's ability not to smile. The whole g*d d*mn time. He was so intense, so wrapped up in his "cool ideas," and so oblivious to his own awesomeness, that he didn't have time to turn that philosophical frown upside down! What a bada$$! And how original, too. He's not like the misfits in all the other college-frat-party-typical-stereotype-go-figure-they-all-get-laid-and-party-in-the-end movies. No... the moppy, bangs-in-eyes hair cut, the constant seriousness, the lack of smiling, and the epic poetry all speak of an entirely new, different kind of loser.
Oh wait, never mind. He's just like all the other emo kids. Dang.

2. A guy gave people orgasms through a book? How awesome!! Too bad only one chick in the entire movie thought this was actually cool enough to wanna screw the guy. If the director wanted it to be believable, everyone should've had an orgy at the end. Maybe that would've cancelled out what a jacka$$ idea "braingasms" were in the first place. Did anyone else notice what a major "brain fart" this movie was? Congratulations, Tinseltown. While you may not have sold out this time, you certainly came up with one original-sounding turd.

3. Speaking of the end, who thought it was cool when the guy wrote an epic poem about how he finally lost his pathetic virginity to a dumb chick? And who clapped when the guy called his friend to admit such a thing? Even the most loserly loser virgin would've said "Hey bro, I finally banged that blonde girl. Yeah, 'bout time, considering I banged half her friends already. Yeah, I rule." Know why he should've said that? HE'S IN A *beep* FRAT.

4. "Cool Ideas??" What a weak title. Painfully lame. Since when did college types become knuckle dragging bottom-feeders? Oh yeah... since a movie made by people who couldn't come up with anything more profound than the word "cool" came along. And since Hollywood decided that every person between the ages of 18 and 22 is in a frat, period.

5. There's a scene in the movie during which the main character gives a public, ranting speech. As is the norm in this movie, it's rife with existential gibberish that might sound intelligent and profound to someone who's, say, retarded. I'm guessing for the movie's sake that this must be the case with all the idiots who break into applause when the guy is done ranting. I didn't even see the point of the scene. Perhaps it was to make all the emo kids out there feel better. Make them feel like maybe--just maybe--a hot dumb chick will accidentally sleep with them because they pulled some big, nonsensical Charlie Mansonesque ideas out of the thumbholes in their rainbow seagull inksplat sweaters.


There are so many other things I could say about the utter waste of life this movie is. I feel good b*tching about it. That's how horrible it must be. Wow. But seriously, anything beyond this paragraph is a waste of my time. I only got on here because it was on (AGAIN) this morning, and I had to see if any morons out there actually thought it was really good enough for Comedy Central to play it every damn day so I could point and laugh at those morons and then cry about the miserable digression of my own (once promising) generation.