Things I learned from the Spiderwick Chronicles
1. Books are evil. Stick to /b/.
2. Books should be taken to their authors to be destroyed.
3. Getting some guy in the woods to, er, spit on your face enables you to see the unseen.
4. Your relatives don't really die. They get carried to magical glades by sprites. Or get sent to the looney bin.
5. Tomato juice is highly combustible.
6. Stab your dad, because he's really an ogre.
7. When Diablo rips your house apart, make sure your mom is there to see. After that, she will believe anything you say.
8. Nick Nolte wants to kill everything. He just needs a manual.