She seemed antagonistic and mad because first of all, she was upset that Dot wasn't actually mute. Nina said some pretty cruel things about Dot in front of her, because she assumed she couldn't hear anyway. Nina and her Dad probably didn't make much of an effort in further covering up what they were doing, since they figured Dot couldn't hear anything at night anyway, since she couldn't hear. Finding out that Dot actually wasn't mute, really was something to get worked up about, in my opinion. No wonder Nina was upset. At that point she understood that everything she'd said and done in or around Dot's presence, was not a secret anymore.
I also got the impression from that cafeteria scene, that Nina knew that Dot probably heard noises coming from the bedroom at night. And since Dot would get up sometimes in the middle of the night and go to the bathroom, her not being mute now meant that she probably heard them whispering and talking to each other in Nina's bedroom. I'm sure Nina felt this. She delivered that speech as if to say to Dot, "I KNOW you know what's going on, because I know you're not actually mute", and she was trying to get to her. To me, it felt like she was trying to deliver a speech that was so astonishing and disturbing [hence the emphasis on 'I love it when he fcks me' and other phrases], to see how much of it Dot could digest before she caved and reacted [ie: spoke]. In my view, that was the purpose of the antagonism in Nina's delivery of those words.
Also, don't forget, that was the first moment she revealed to Dot that she was planning on killing her father. Something else quite disturbing to add into the speech, but necessary. Nina knew that if Dot knew of her plans to kill her father, that Dot would never let a murder happen because then she'd have to live with the guilt of knowing the murder was going to happen, but not having done anything to prevent it. Therefore telling her about her murder plans was a surefire way of getting Dot to speak, or do something that would finally prove that she isn't actually mute. Which is in fact what happened. Dot would always come home around the time Nina said she was going to kill him. Obviously because if Dot heard something going on, she could prevent the killing. And why do you think Nina would always give her a specific time? Why would she say she was specifically going to kill him at midnight? That was quite strange. But again, she said that because she knew that Dot would always make sure to be home at that time which proves Nina's theory true, that Dot isn't actually mute. But I digress.
It is not at all surprising that Nina's cafeteria speech was said in an antagonistic and upset manner. She was also purposely trying to upset Dot, coaxing her to act, and reveal that she wasn't actually mute. And I do believe that she knew at that point that Dot knew about the incest. Her language, anger and emphasis on some of the words made that quite clear. If Nina thought that Dot was actually mute, there would be no point in delivering such a speech, and getting right in her face like she did.
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