the time when I laughed my brains out is when he goes "i'm not actually a comedienne, i'm a magician!"
shareone of my favs is "we have a 2 party system, the democratic party, which is a party of no ideas, and the republican party, which is a party of bad ideas, and the way it works is the republican stands up in congress and sez "I GOT A REALLY BAD IDEA" and the democrat sez "AND I CAN MAKE IT *beep*
shareMy favorite goes something like this:
"During the Bush administration, we have gone from a record surplus, to a record defecit. And there's no one . . . who can tell us . . . (he stops and shakes his head quickly) where the @#$& it went!
"They told us... that we could survive a fire-!@#$-ball... by hiding... under *wood*. We were hiding under kindling!"
share"They told us... that we could survive a fire-!@#$-ball... by hiding... under *wood*. We were hiding under kindling!"
"Orange... And yellow... And whatever the f uck the others are!!"
shareLactose intolerant milk: kiss my dick!
share"They say New Zealand is beautiful and I do not know. Because after 23 hours on a plane, any landmass would be beautiful. If there was just a little glacier with two penguins blowing each other, I would have been happy to see them."
Well, thank you very much you pumkin-headed albino *beep*
Kiss me, it's beginning to snow...
Greatest wordplay ever. "I believe the human brain is so smart that when it watches you watch yourself watch you watch yourself do something you shouldn't be *beep* doing it says, "you are so stupid, I will kill you."
the time when I laughed my brains out is when he goes "i'm not actually a comedienne, i'm a magician!"