MB-"Do you masturbate?"
Expert-"I'm not gonna comment on that one"
MB-"I know whoever your dating does"
JM-"You need a good 3824, you know that?"
MB-"Mentally disably people shouldn't be on reality tv, cause their reality is so much different than ours!"
[deleted]
TRUTH-"Im gonna 286 all over ya faaaaace."
MB-"whore dwarves."HAHAHA!
[deleted]
Besser "They don't follow the American dream. The american dream is white picket fences, and they obviously don't respect fences!"
sharei loved the 'tobacco' water pipe seller.
i probably got these wrong, but after being asked what he called the 'tobacco' pipe with an obvious marijuana leaf sticker on it,
"as far as I can tell that's a canadian maple leaf. it must belong to a hockey fan."
on the 'tobacco' pipe with an 'i love pot' sticker on it,
"hey, lots of people have 'i love sailing' bumper stickers, that doesn't mean they go sailing in their cars."
It was also funny when that guy said"Thank you for buying those by the way."perfect timing.
share"If you gonna hit a waitress, you gotta do it so that she thinks you gonna kill her"
share[deleted]
[deleted]
Someone should put the whore dwarves quote up.
shareMy favorite is when some "expert" tells Matt Besser that he's a jeopardy to society, and he says that she's a wheel of fortune to society. I didn't stop laughing for a long, long time. Also the country line. I'm not going to repeat it because I don't want to get kicked by an admin., but if you know what I'm talking about, you know what I'm talking about.
F*ck it Dude, let's go bowling.
"Hello again my beauties-is it happening?"-Freddie Mercury
I really liked this one on the episode about religion. The guy said: "Only a Godless scientist would take two of the most filthy words in the language and make it one. Homo Erectus. Homo Erectus. Filthy. We don't need erect homosexuals running around."
shareHAhahahahaha. hehehe. I missed that one but I'm laughing at just having read it.
shareMatt Besser rules, his improv is obviously from UCB, his quotes are the funniest:
"The guy called me a child molester! I am not a child molester because i did not have sex with them, i just got them high. He threatened to call the cops and then i said 'Hey Honcho, where's your green card' end of the conversation right their."
"The other dogs are sent to the puppy farms."
"What happens at these 'Puppy Farms'"
"Nothing happens at the puppy farms, they live happy."
I also loved how he went around asking women "Why are you driving your husbands car?" LMAO.
I compare Jesus to that book salesman who has question marks on his jacket.
I Hate Your Freedom.
the episode about music disscussion was hilarious too.
DURAN DURAN SONG:"Girls on film!(I like potatoes)Girls on film!(I like potatoes)
JM:"I had french fries that day."
Now everytime I hear that song I have to add in "I like potatos." ...by the way, MadBastard, are you related to Dan Quayle? *If you don't get it... don't try to.*
Not realy a quote, but I love in the science episode where they have a guy talking to himself on the big screen. He's wearing a blue shirt and a pink tie, then a pink tie and a blue tie, and then they put them both together on the big screen while the host says there has been no sign of cloning so far.
Also the Fashion Facist was funny.
"What is that? A wife beater? Is your wife wearing a shirt that says 'I just got beaten?'"
Concentration is NOT staring at someones fun parts during a conversation.
*crickets*
*If you don't get it... don't try to.*
[deleted]
I dont think you got mine.
share[deleted]
In the 80s, a little girl wrote the word "Potato" on a blackboard for Dan Quayle. He corrected her by putting an 'e' at the end. You spelled potato potatoe... nevermind. *If you don't know who Dan was... he was a political idiot who wrote to TV show characters thinking they were real people.*
Concentration is NOT staring at someones fun parts during a conversation.
[deleted]
[deleted]
Yeah I know who that idiot is and it was a little boy who wrote potato on the blackboard,1992 to be exact,get your genders and facts straight and poor Elephantitis.Anyway,I was pissed about Thursday's repeat as well.
shareHahaha,holy *beep* that fiasco was crazy!the guy had a knife on him ready to pull it!
"Got that? I was prepared for an “MTV style”, NOT A “COMEDY CENTRAL” STYLE! Two very different goddamn things!
I’m told that a lawsuit to block the show from ever airing would be difficult. But the same lawyer explained to me that suing for various damages and slander AFTER the fact would be not only easier, he offered to deal with it on a contingency basis right there on the phone.
The sheer overwhelming tastelessness of the affair should keep it off the air. I’ll be alerting NAACP chapters to the horrific racism displayed.
They messed with the wrooong dude on this one. I’ve got six lawyers I can claim as personal friends and more on an acquaintance basis. I cost the Million Mom March between $5mil and $8mil, I cost Diebold Elections Systems $45mil less than two months ago. They’re gonna PAY for this mess."
[deleted]
*beep* that guy. Really.
Does no one in the world have any sense of humor these days? Christ.
----
"I don't go to your job and tell you you're going to hell."
[deleted]