favorite quotes


These,I thought, were hilarious!

'Cigarettes,the most dangerous product known to man...cigarettes are so dangerous it kills people who don't even smoke!"

"White man makes guns....Black rapper 'SAYS' guns...congressional hearing! That *beep* said guns and rhymed it with fun!"

'If the Phillip Morris family were a bunch of jheri curl *beep* from Mississippi..do you know how illegal a pack of cigarretes would be?? You would get 60 years for a pack of Newports!"

*beep* taught you octagon?!?!"

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"But let's keep it *beep* real, OK? A black C student can't run no *beep* company. A black C student can't even be the manager of Burger King. Meanwhile, a white C student just happens to be the president of the United States of America!"

AWESOME!!

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LOOK AT EM *beep* LOOK AT EM! AND THEY SPINNIN *beep* THEY SPINNIN!

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"Only the good rappers are dead, only the good ones. Biggie dead, Tupac dead. Vanilla Ice still alive."

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by spikenajs (Thu Sep 1 2005 12:11:59)
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"But let's keep it *beep* real, OK? A black C student can't run no *beep* company. A black C student can't even be the manager of Burger King. Meanwhile, a white C student just happens to be the president of the United States of America!"

AWESOME!!

---

Greatest line ever.

Loved the way he prepared the way for the punchline.

Instant classic. If this is not a Hall of Fame bit, nothing is.

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LOL! Let's see xD

"Another kid??!?! I thought it was Groundhog Day when I heard that S***!"

"THEY SPINNIN' ***** THEY SPINNIN! THEY SPINNIN ***** THEY SPINNIN'! (Rolls his head around)

"Smoking is so dangerous, it kills *utha ****s that don't SMOKE!"

"Do you sleep at night and wake up in the morning. Oh #*$*! I GOT THAT! I NEED THAT PILL!"

"Some of you aren't even gonna make it home cause of alchol. GOnna be driving and like: 'Man that Chris Rock is sure is funny ^_^! OH S**T!'"

And this is PROLLY MY FAVORITE:

"Girls be dancing to this ***t too! To the sweat go down my b*lls, To the sweat go down my b*lls, on my b*alls, S***t s***t, on my b*lls, S***t s***t, To the sweat to the sweat, on b*lls, MY B*LLS!" (I love that little dance he does. LOL! xD)

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May favorite quotes are:

1) Somebody throw some sand on that "n***a"

2) "n***a" who taught you octagon!

3) You mean to tell me that you can find Saddam Huessian in *beep* Iraq but you can't tell me who shot Tupac.

4) He ain't evan have a sick he gonna smack the puck with his "d*ck" POW Slapshot B*athc"

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"More people saw Tupac got shot than people who saw the last episode of SEINFELD!"

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[deleted]

the best quote in the whole show


"It was a *beep* named Kevin in the red, SEE, PAC IS REACHING TO US!!!"

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[deleted]

actually he sais

"It was the ni$%a in red that shot me dead" LISTEN!!
"It was a ni$%a named Kevin with a mack11" RIGHT THERE!! PAC IS REACHING OUT TO US!! LISTEN!!!

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wow all these are soo funny. cracks me up everytime. i've watched it at least 20 times and i laugh through all of it still.

"if your cheating with a girl, it's like you have to put her in the witness protection program. ok lisa, for now on your names michelle. if someone calls you lisa, don't respond.. ok lisa. 'okay', B!TCH you gonna get us killed! you wouldn't last a minute in the streets"

"if drugs were legal in the unites states there wouldn't be starbucks, there would be weedbucks..... krispy kreme..kracky kreme!"

"girls, something they don't tell you about marriage is that when you get married your man will never eat your pussy again... i see some ladies with tears in their eyes right now."

"when you get marriaged it's let you become your wife's pet. she makes you become friends with people you don't even know. she says 'this guy likes baseball just like you. and your talking to this guy saying 'uhh i like baseball 'i like baseball too 'ya baseball 'uhh baseball 'honey who the f@ck is this?! if you wanna help me out then introduce me to a girl!"

Go To A Gift Shop And Ask For Your Gift - George Carlin

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o ya. and

"damnn. i gotta whip the tv off. it's so damn greasy. jermaine must have been on!!"

Go To A Gift Shop And Ask For Your Gift - George Carlin

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actually it was:

the brother in tha red shot me dead RIGHT THERE!! LISTEN

it was a n!gg@ named kevin with a mack11 RIGHT THERE... PAC IS REACVHING OUT TO U!! LISTEN!!

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"I am DONE with Michael. Another kid?! Another kid?!? That's like another dead white girl showin up at OJ's place. And OJ goin 'I know what you thinkin'"

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"You mean to tell me you can find Saddam Hussein in a *beep* hole in Iraq, but you can't find Tupac?!?! Tupac was shot in Vegas!! Not on no side street, on the *beep* strip!! *beep* got shot on the strip!!!"

CHRIS ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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[deleted]

What's the one quote with Lisa? XD

And Chris is like, "B***h you're gonna get us killed!"

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"If you ever contemplated murder, you ain't been in love"..."and the only thing that stopped you was an episode of CSI...damn they thorough!"

That whole montage with the dirty rap song was classic and so was the riff on marriage.

"If you like blow jobs, marriage ain't for you...I ain't had a blow job in seven years...I've had fellatio!"

"Like the girl is auditioning on your dick...like she's going for her scuba license."

Lester Burnham: It's OK, I wouldn't remember me either.

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>>4. "women who like rap don't care what they saying. if the beat's all right she will dance all night. I see women on the floor dancing to the nastiest S#!+ ever made. Just on the floor like 'Smack her with a d!(K, smack her with a d!(K smack her with a d!(K, smack her with a d!(K A put a d!(K in her ear, d!(K in the ear, d!(K in the ear! *beep* her in the eye, *beep* her in the eye! *beep* her in the eye, *beep* her in the eye! *beep* her in the eye! blind the B!+(# blind the B!+(# blind the B!+(#'"<<

Darn it! Forgot that one! xD

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They don't grade fathers, but if your daughter becomes a stripper, you ****ed up!

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LOLOLOLOLOL! I love that whole section.

Lester Burnham: It's OK, I wouldn't remember me either.

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"Only the good rappers are dead, biggie dead, tupac dead, vanilla ice still alive" LMAO PURE GENIUS!!

"Smack her wit a dick, smack her wit a dick, smack her wit a dick, smack her wit a dick, dick in da face, dick, dick in da face, dick in da face, dick in da ear, dick in da ear, dick in da ear, dick in da ear,... blind da bitch, blind da bitch....'someone will tell her 'have you heard that song it degrades women' she says 'he aint talkin about me' smack her wit a dick, smack her wit a dick..." LMAO!!! I cry my ass off when that comes on(the best/funniest quote in the show in my opinion)



"Shaq he is rich, the man who signs his checks is wealthy"


"Cause god forbid some brown people want to make some money"

"Now your giving me a hard time cause of something your daddy did in 1964 that *beep* aint funny" AMEN CHRIS ROCK!! LMAO


"Its hard for me to defend 'I got hoes in different area codes'" LMAO!!!

"Look *beep* dey spinnin, *beep* they spinnin"

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The whole rap music segment
Smack her with a {{beep}}, smack her with a {{beep}}
FUNNY!

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N***A WHO TAUGHT YOU OCTAGON?

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"I don't think I should get chosen over a white guy if he scored higher on a test or something but if it's a tie? *beep* 'em. What you mad for? You got a 400 year head start!"

"If Iraq is so damn dangerous how come it only took two weeks for them to take over the entire *beep* country? You couldn't take over Baltimore in two weeks!"

"Back in slavery times they used to take the biggest, strongest slaves and breed them to create new superslaves. And evidence of that still exists today, like the NFL for instance. That stands for *beep* *beep* Large."

"Michael, another kid? That's like another dead white girl done showed up at OJ's house!"

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It's hard to defend "Bit*h get out of my way"!

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no no no the funneist part is easily the part where he says....

If you work all the time....why you work all the time! you aint neva home! your always leaving me! I HATE THIS *beep*
If you home all the time....why you all up under me! Give me some *beep* room to breathe! Damn stop sweating me! I HATE THIS *beep*
If you make more money than her....well *beep* you!! I wanna make decisions too! You ain't my *beep* daddy I dont need you to take care of me! I HATE THIS *beep*
If she makes more money than you....you broke mutha *beep* You neva have no *beep* money! *beep* this s**t! I dont wanna make all these decisions! I need to be taken care of! I HATE THIS *beep*

^^^^^HAHAHAHAHAHA HILARIOUS

Mr. President what do you think of the war?
Well ya never know ya never know.....
Mr. President what do you think about the economy?
Well ya never know ya never know......
Mr. President what do you think about gay marriage-----?
*beep* THEM FA**OTS!!!!

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"When did clear heels become the new whore uniform? When did that happen? Was there a big ol' ho convention and all the hos got together and said 'We need something new. Something that just says nasty' And one girl said 'I got it! Clear heels!' 'Ooh, girl, you disgusting! You alright!'"

I love his married people routine:

"Married and bored, or single and lonely. Ain't no happiness nowhere. Married and bored, or single and lonely. That's right. That's right. Marriage is some boring-ass sh!t. 'Cause once you get married you gotta hang aroung other married people, and that's just disgusting. You ever go to dinner with six neutered adults? A bunch of women talking about diaper genies and hair coloring. 'You know, if you leave it in too long it stings...' shut the f-ck up! A bunch of men talking about barbeque grills and routes to work. 'You know, sometimes you take the highway, but if it's backed up I got some side streets I like to take to get me there in half the time. Yeah, you should check it out. I-95 is clear someti--' shut the f-ck up! I hate married people! It's f-cking disgusting! If you gonna eat dinner with single people, single people eat for an hour and 30 minutes and leave, 'cause they got f-cking to do! Married people close down a restaurant. They start ordering coffee and dessert, start talking to the architect: 'I like the thing you put right there, and the thing..', start talking to the cook: 'What's in the tea?' 'WATER, B!TCH! Hurry up, we got a lot of not f-cking to do! If you hurry up we can not f-ck all night! Oh, I hate married people."

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I love when he talks about defending new rap hahaha
it's hard to defend "I got hoes in different area codes" on an intellectual level. It's hard to defend "Move bitch, get out the way" . . . Well as you can see there's a bitch in his way . . . that he needs to move! Thus the term, move bitch, get out the way. You need to open your eyes so you can get the bitches out of your way!
my favorite song right now is impossible to defend. it's impossible! we should ALL be ashamed of ourselves for liking this *beep* song. Lil' Jon. you know that song: "To the window, to the wall, till the sweat drip from my balls! . . . Till the sweat drip from my balls, skeet skeet skeet skeet!"

Love the marriage skit hahahahahaha
a bunch of men, talking about barbecue grills, and routes to work - you know sometimes ill take the highway, but if it's backed up, i got some side streets i like to take hahahahahaha!!! *beep* hilarious

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The whole segment about Janet Jackson:

"Whip out a titty on a Sunday afternoon!!! And a 40-Year-Old titty at that. This ain't Deja Vu!!! This ain't Magic City, *beep*

"40-year-old titty: your man's titty!!! 20-year-old titty: community titty"!!!

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The whole segment about Janet Jackson:

"Whip out a titty on a Sunday afternoon!!! And a 40-Year-Old titty at that. This ain't Deja Vu!!! This ain't Magic City, *beep*

"40-year-old titty: your man's titty!!! 20-year-old titty: community titty"!!!

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This happens to be ONE of them:

"That's how much we love Michael Jackson. We love Michael so much that we lelt the first kid slide. It's like 'Come on, the man made "Billie Jean", leave him alone!'"

And this:

"I thought you said this was '60 Minutes'."

"This is Ten Minutes, get out of here!"

LOL

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Too many to mention here but the marriage skit was funny.."married and bored, single and lonely."

Old Black Men.

The rap routine...."smack 'er with a **** smack 'er with a ****. Bline the *****, Bline the *****!!!!

...and as soon as they make a heated hockey rink, we gone take that too!!






Peace.
PCL

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