When will the memory of this movie be erased from my mind?
LEZA: Oh my gawd!
MICHAEL: There are many jaw-dropping moments in this film, and not in a good way. But perhaps the most jaw-dropping thing is to consider the several people who should have known better than to appear in it: Lori Singer, Neve Campbell, Mike Tyson... Hmm... On second thoughts, never mind about Mike Tyson.
LEZA: At one point I was moved to try and immerse my head in the toilet in a valiant attempt to get away from the banal dialogue, the majestically irritating piano and strings "arrangement" which played so loudly over said banal dialogue it almost but not quite drowned it out, damn. I want my money back! I want my hour back but most of all I want James Toback never to get a budget again. Bad, baaaaaaaaaaad.
MICHAEL: I think to call the dialogue "banal" is to do a disservice to banality: after all, husbands clocking into work, wives greeting them at the end of the day with dinner - banal events like these are what keeps the wheels of the capitalist economy turning. Unfortunately for us, our contribution to the capitalist economy tonight was $2 spent at the video store, some of which, I fear, may filter back to the individuals who perpetrated this movie.
LEZA: Touche Michael, would "pretention squared" do?
MICHAEL: This film must be classified as "art porn". It is a rare thing in movie-watching to find yourself wishing the sex scenes would come to an end. Although they do function as a welcome break from the script.
LEZA: I beg you DO NOT watch this! Ever!