MovieChat Forums > Catch and Release (2007) Discussion > Guys Who Cover For Their Friends

Guys Who Cover For Their Friends



First I would like to apologize if this topic has already been posted since I have not read all the threads. I realize this probably sounds like I am being uncomprimising and taking some things about this movie way too seriously (heck I am, I'll admit it) but I simply do not understand guys like Fritz's character. Sure he lived in L.A. but I was left with the impression that he at one point lived in Boulder for some time, or came to visit. At any rate, he had probably met Gray more than once and knew her while Grady was cheating one her. Yet he essentially decided to cover for his friend who was doing something blatently wrong.

The fact is the real world is full of friends just like Fritz. Friends who either know or are even friends with a person's significiant other, and continue to cover for their buddy even if it sometimes means lying to their face. I'm sure every person has their reason, I don't know him/her well enough or their relationship, its none of my business, loyalty to their friend, people aren't perfect, etc. etc. etc. However the fact is that cheating on someone is just worng. People don't always do the right thing, but I guess I'll never understand guys(and yes many girls too) like Fritz. Oh well.

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I am a guy. I would probably cover for a friend.

So I can explain why I would.

It is simply not my place to ruin a relationship. I may tell my friend that he should stop, i may tell him that he needs to tell his significant what is going on.

But I would still cover. This is a friend of mine and it's not place to let his signigicant in on his secrets.

I am not saying this is the right thing to do, just offering my perspective.

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Thanks for your perspective. I understand what you are saying about it not being your place. I guess I just disagree with you on that. I personally really don't think it is intrusive in a wrong way to tell a significiant other that their boyfriend/girlfriend etc. is cheating on them, I really think the person has a right to know that the person they probably trust is essentially lying to them. And yes, part of this opinion comes from personnal experience in the past. Finding out that a significiant other has cheated leaves one to wonder in the back of their head how many other people who may have known or been friends with them also knew about it. Thank you for the insight though.

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Being cheated on is such a humiliating experience and finding out about all the people who knew before you did just compounds that humiliation. Even finding out that everyone but you knew that your significant other wanted to break it off with you is humiliation enough. . . People don't thank you for "protecting them" by not cluing them in, no matter if your cheating pal gave you their kidney. I guess what I am trying to say is that if you have any respect for the person being cheated on at all, you'd tell the cheater to fess up or you'll have to do it for them. I'll admit, I've cheated, been cheated on, covered for someone, and ratted someone out, and it's nasty business all around. But I've learned that I'd rather know ASAP no matter how much it hurts, know what I mean?

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Covering for a cheating friend is well... sort of an honoured tradition. It's not your place to tell the significant other as it's not a relationship you should really be dealing with. If your friends with both parties then I can see that, but ratting on a friend will bring you nothing than a false sense of superiority.

If your being cheated on, or cheating on someone, than there's absolutely no way that relationship is ever going to work out and both parties are simply lying to themselves and to each other. It'll come out eventually. Too many people stay with cheating partners because they think they'll "come around" when in actuality they're just setting themselves up for an even bigger let down.

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Very true. Eventually it will come out. Unfortunately, sometimes this could take years and years. Someone very close to me was cheated on for over 17 years by her husband. All of his friends and co-workers, many of whom knew my friend, knew of what was going on and helped cover. Who was doing her a favor there?

As far as 'staying out of it', when you're covering for someone, you're involving yourself. You've just chosen the other side. If cheating was a crime, you would be an accessory after the fact; therefore holding some responsibility.

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There's a very real difference between actively covering for a friend and just not saying anything. Lying to a friend's significant other so that they can continue cheating is wrong. But not going out of your way to butt into their business is not. Everyone has their own choices to make, it's not my job to live for someone else. So, I'd tell him or her that what they're doing is not right and that I won't help their cause which includes telling the truth if I'm ever asked. But I won't impose my sense of right and wrong on them by butting in and telling the other person. Ultimately, what they choose is up to them and I have no right to make choices for them. That would be an extremely arrogant thing to do.

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The term "significant other" is used far too often in this thread..... that is all!

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Covering for a cheating friend is well... sort of an honoured tradition.


What's honorable about it?

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Guys cheat on girls, and girls cheat on guys. This is just a case of loyalty to his best friend and not his best friends fiancee that he doesn't know. Not to mention that he was trying to let her remember him how she knew him.

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It is simply not my place to ruin a relationship. I may tell my friend that he should stop, i may tell him that he needs to tell his significant what is going on.


Your friend is the one ruining the "relationship" and lying for him isn't going to help the situation at all. And really, that is what you're doing. You're not "covering" for him. You're telling his lies for him.

This is a friend of mine and it's not place to let his signigicant in on his secrets.


It is if she asks you what's going on with him. It's not your place to lie for him. If he's not big enough to man up to his own dumb ass decisions then that's his problem. If that's something that would end your friendship with the guy, then he really wasn't your friend to begin with. Friendships aren't built on lies, man.

I am not saying this is the right thing to do, just offering my perspective.


You already know that "covering" (lying) for him is wrong. You just need to reexamine your perspectives, IMHO.

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If that's something that would end your friendship with the guy, then he really wasn't your friend to begin with. Friendships aren't built on lies, man.


Friendships aren't built on lies to each other. Lying to other people has nothing to do with the friendship.







It's made from bits of real panther, so you know it's good...

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I'm not judging you as I don't know you... but just keep in mind that "covering" for a friend is now getting involved, where you said it's not your place to intervene.

It's your "buddy" (in a hypothetical situation) who is putting you in an awkward situation to lie for him. What kind of buddy does that to his friends?

In the end, honesty is the best policy (yes, there are exceptions like when there is a crazed serial killer with a chain saw looking for your friend), and in the end, if you are honest with yourself, you'll know what the right thing to do is...

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im a 20 year old guy and i wouldnt "cover" for anyone if it meant lying.

i have a friend who cheats on his girlfriend and thinks its just an okay thing to do, whenever he asks me what i think i tell him i condem it and ive told him i wouldnt lie in the past, thats the thing...when yo have friends you gotta let them know where you stand on things and be consistant. now if his girlfriend straight up asks me i probably wouldnt even respond to her. im nto going to go out of my way to get into other peoples business, its not my place to enlighten her.

Going out of your way to rat out on your friend is like giving money to the homeless.

sure its a nice thing to do, and will probably improve your karma and make you feel a little bit better in your self knowing you got that bum drunk tonight but youre not obligued to do it and it doesnt make you a bad guy if you dont.

but if you lie, that makes you a bad guy. and thats where people trip up cause they get intimidated by female conversational TRAPS cause women are psychotic like that. they corner guys into answering *beep* and the guy feels like he either has to tell her or itll be obvious what the answer is...this is just because the guy is dumb for allowing him self to get into this posisition. and thats the thing....cheating on someone is deception, and that is wrong, and if you decieve someone else to allow that deception that makes you wrong.

so if youre going to cheat on someone dont tell your stupid friends.


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i am one of those guys. My best friend of over 10 years is cheating on his girlfriend, and sometimes if she can't find him she'll call me and i'll lie to her. It's even worse when i have to look her in the eye and lie about where my friend was when she was looking 4 him. I constantly tell him to stop cheating but he never will listen. It hurts so much lying 2 her because she's a cool chick and sexy as hell, and the other girl isn't as hot. Does this make me a horrible person?

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Yes. And human. Conflicts of conscience are the sole domain of mankind. Relish your humanity and stop taking her calls, then you don't have to lie. I have had to do this in the past. If you aren't in communication with this woman then you can't be the alibi. Take control and stop being the patsy. Someone might think your willingness is a sign that you want to knock off your bud's girl. She's not your friend, he is. Prove it. Say something like, 'Stop calling me looking for "Buddy." It's easier than wrestling your conscience and your hard-on for his lady.

the cause of my ambivalence is the effect of your own--me

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I am a guy, and when I was eighteen I had a chick that was a good friend. She was sleeping around on her then boyfriend (also a friend of mine) with some other guys I knew...a little premiscuous I know....and no, I was not one of them...but I kept her secret. I was 'protecting the chick' in this case so it isn't really a guy-guy thing. It's all about being a third party that just wishes he/she didn't know anything. Truth is, I just didn't want to betray either of them. Looking back, I really had no choice. Tell him and I betray her, keep my mouth shut and I betray him. Either way I was betraying one or the other. At times I felt just as guilty as she was, and at other times I felt just as betrayed as he was.

To the original poster.....It just isn't fair for me or Fritz to even know these things, because then we are forced into desicions that may go against our character.

It's a situation where no one wins no matter what one says or does. It's just bad, bad, bad.

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I just watched the movie and was wondering ... did Dennis and Sam know all along too or did they find out as Gray did? I know they had Monique and the kid at the house when she comes in and they look all guilty, but was it just because Moniques showed up and they wanted to know Grady's kid and they they felt conflicted because they like Gray or were they guilty because they knew all along?

And I guess I'll stick my oar in about covering for friends ... I would much rather know I was being cheated on so I could move on with my life. Sure it hurts but you can survive. Maybe it would give you a chance to find somebody who really values you.

Another thing: Cheaters increase their partners' chances of catching STDs. Now that, you may NOT survive.

Just think about it. Cheaters tend to get all caught up in the whole secret thing and they get a rush off of the illicitness of it. How many really think about protection and such????

It's Khazadum, not Z'Ha'Dum. Sheridan, go home!

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I got the impression they did not know. They seemed surprised. And it all happened in LA and it seemed they didn't go there.

I am a chick, and if I knew one of my friends was cheating on her husband I wouldn't lie to the husband but I wouldn't just come out and tell him either. If he asked me point blank I'd tell him he needed to talk to his wife about it. I learned a long time ago to stay out of other people's relationships. If a friend wanted me to be their alibi I'd tell them no way, but I also wouldn't butt in.

None of my current friends cheat on their spouses or boyfriends. I had a friend a few years back that did that often, and I ended up not being her friend after awhile. Not only because of that, but the behavior did figure into my reasons for cutting off that friendship. I've never been fond of liars.

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I don't know how often Fritz saw Gray while Grady was alive. They were obviously NOT close, so I don't know about him "covering" for Grady when he was alive.

That being said, I really thought he told her it was a "one time thing" to protect her. I mean, if you think you could possibly save someone some additional hurt, why not? If I'd just lost my fiance, I don't know that I'd EVER want to know he'd been cheating, because how do you ever reconcile or get closure? You could never fight, break up, make-up, NOTHING. Never an explanation! So why go through that???

So, IMO when the "cheater" is DEAD, maybe the rules change a bit.





"The guitar is fine as a hobby, John, but you'll never make a living at it."

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I would deffinitely cover for a friend no matter what, that's what a true friend does. A true friend won't just go out partying with you, they'll be right there in the jail cell with you laughing about it the next morning.

The other thing is that no one wants to beleive they're being deceived, so they may not even beleive you. I had a buddy that was dating a hideous woman and he really didn't know it. I couldn't say anything to him about it til he broke up with the ogre, then i told him how we made fun of him for it.

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If you were neck deep in a pool of vomit and a guy had a steaming bag of monkey crap in his pitching hand aimed at your face, would you duck? It's a no win situation for the one stuck in the middle keeping the secret.

That being said, should a friend rat out their cheating friend to protect the feelings of their friends partner, no exceptions or excuses? To the victims being cheated on who feel this is the only correct thing to do, don't be so selfish. What makes you so special? Every situation is different and I would never rat out a buddy just because it's the moral thing to do, or whatever. That's a surefire way to lose a buddy. Nobody wins and suddenly I become the guy nobody can count on, left with no friends because I couldn't keep my mouth shut and mind my own business. To hell with that noise.

Now, say I'm friends with both the cheater and the victim equally. This is a sticky situation. It's also none of my flippin business. But since I'm aware of the situation like it or not, suddenly I'm stuck in the middle. In that case, I make it clear to the cheater that I want no part of it. Either he tells her, I tell her, or he gets his act together immediately because it's not fair to anybody, me included. Wait for a reaction... If he can't agree to that, then to hell with him, he was warned. Should have kept it in his pants and chose not to hurt friend number two, the victim. But even then, I stay out of it as long as I possibly can, because really, it's none of my flippin business.

In the case of this movie, it seems to me that originally Fritz and Gray didn't really get along anyways, whereas Fritz and Gravy were close. Naturally Fritz isn't gonna rat out Gravy, that would be stupid. But as time went on and he got to know Gray better, see her side of things and get close with her, you see he does fill her in on the situation more. So even his critics can't say he's that bad of a guy. But then again, he's banging his dead friends fiancee, but that's a discussion for another thread.

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For the record I've been in this situation many a times and can honestly say I never ratted out a buddy. Eventually it all blows over, usually. But in one case I had a friend who was cheating on another friend with yet another friends girl. I stepped in, tried to reason with him, he told me to mind my business, I threatened him physically, but ultimately he did the right thing. After all that, we were better friends for it.

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I wouldn't cover for one of my friends however I wouldn't rat them out either. As it was said it isn't my place to ruin the relationship. I don't have to help him ruin it himself though.

Empires are not brought down by external forces. They are destroyed by weaknesses within.

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i was cheated on by my brother's best friend/roommate. my BROTHER covered for him for a while before he felt he had to tell me.

i never blamed my brother for not telling me right away. i understood it. at first i was really hurt that he hadn't told me sooner but was happy he told me at all. but keep in mind this was my OWN BROTHER!! and he didn't want to tell me. i can understand why the gradie's friend would not want to tell her. it wasn't his place...and besides, gradie was the one who did the cheating, not fritz.

maybe that's all family really is; a group of people who miss the same imaginary place.

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[deleted]

This subject doesn't just apply to guys covering for their friends, it's for girls, too. My loyalty is to my friend, and especially, as was the case in this movie, my BEST friend. I might think it's completely uncool if she's cheating on her boyfriend/fiance', and I would tell her so, but it's not up to me to tell the guy, I'm HER best friend. That's what makes someone a best friend, that you can be your real, true self, warts and all around this person, tell them your darkest secrets, and they will still love you and have your back.

I completely disagree with the notion that Fritz had any obligation to tell Gray about her fiance cheating. I also think it was perfectly fine that he told her when she found out on her own...a)the guy was dead and b) she asked him directly about the affair. I also understand why he told her it was just the one time...he liked her, she's a decent person, and he thought maybe it would lessen the hurt just a little if she didn't know the fiance had been cheating on her for years. It was the decent thing to do. I wouldn't want to be the one being lied to, but I understand the motivation for it.

You are seeing this situation only through the eyes of the offended party, thinking somehow everyone around you and the "cheater" has a moral obligation to "rat out" and/or to stop the cheating, because cheating is wrong...all black, all white, no (if you'll pardon the pun) gray. I would submit to you that there is also a moral obligation to a friend, especially to a friend. That loyalty is as valuable in a friendship as fidelity is in a relationship.

Say your fiance's best friend asked your fiance for a job recommendation, so he could get a position in the same company. Your fiance told his friend he'd do it, no problem. But your fiance told YOU that he wasn't going to recommend his friend for the job because he really thinks the dude is a *beep* up at work and he doesn't want to ruin his reputation with his boss. Are YOU obligated now to go to the friend and tell him what's really going on? What if the friend later wonders out loud to you why he didn't get the job? Do you tell him then that his "best friend" betrayed him? Or is your loyalty to your fiance?

Not everything is so black and white, and it's just naive to believe it is. A friend who decides he or she is the moral arbiter of your life, and who then feels they are justified in meddling, ruining your relationships, and/or ratting you out isn't really a friend at all. It's like having with your own personal Joseph McCarthy. No thanks. Your friend is cheating and you find it morally repugnant, tell your friend what your opinion and that you think he or she should stop and/or come clean with their mate. If they don't and your sense of right and wrong is so offended you can't tolerate the situation, then stop seeing your friend. But it just isn't your place to go running to the S.O. like a little tattle tale.

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