The Croc joke

They never did get around to telling it, but I'm guessing it was either one of these :


1) Man walks into the bar with a crocodile.

Bartender says : "You can't bring that animal in here, mate. That's a frigging' dangerous animal, it could eat you whole."

"Nah, he's quite harmless."

"You sure ? Where the hell did you get hold of it ?"

"Found him in the pond behind the barn. Poor bugger was starved, so I fed him some dog food. Not sure what to do with him though."

"You should take him to the zoo, I reckon."

"Good idea, I'll do that." Man gets up, finishes his beer and leaves.


Next week, the bloke enters the bar again, still accompagnied by the croc.

Bartender says : " I thought you took him to the zoo."

"I did and he really had a great time there. So now I'm taking him to the movies."


2) Man walks into a bar with a crocodile.

Bartender says : "You can't bring that animal in here, mate. That's a frigging' dangerous animal."

"Don't worry, I got him trained to perfection, he's perfectly safe."

"I don't believe you."

"Care to bet a beer on it ? I'll be happy to give you a demonstration."

"What do you mean ?"

" Just watch and if you're impressed, you buy me a beer."

The croc bloke drops his trousers and approaches the croc. Then he slams it hard, right between the eyes, with a closed fist and waits. Slowly, the croc opens its big mouth.

The bartender can't believe what he's seeing when the bloke bends his knees and proceeds to lower his pecker into the crocs mouth. Once it's all the way in, he claps his hands and the croc slowing closes its mouth, carefull not to bite the mans winkie off. The bloke claps his hands again and the croc re-opens its mouth, allowing him to pull his unharmed pecker free.

"Jezus H Christ !", the bartender yells out as he hands the bloke his beer, "That was friggin' amazing !"

Later on, as business in the bar picks up, the bloke repeats his trick a couple of times, receiving a big hand from all present along with loads of free beers. So at one point he says :"Look, you've all seen it's quite safe. So is there anyone else who wants to give it a try ?"

The Aussie onlookers shift uneasily. Sure, it looks safe so far, but they're still not very eager to try it for themselves. But then they hear a voice from the back. "I'll do it !"

All turn to see a overweight older woman, who looks like Madeline Albright after a night of heavy drinking, appear.

The bloke is confused and says "You'll do it ?"

"Sure will, just a long as you go easy slamming me on the head, eh."


I am not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing.