so many better things to do with parodying david lynch

now im not going to tell you how utterly disappointing and unfunny this movie was as much as say, spoofing david lynch is easy! and they took the most unfunny road possible - i was at work today when i thought of something i thought would have been funny - and it goes like this

(happy 50's pop swing playing)
the camera opens with a young man and women in a car smiling and laughing and turning their heads constantly over to look at one another wide mouthed smiling, fuzzy filter over everything that makes all the whites shine off the white in their 50's style clothing)
(still laughing while talking)
"and then i said, Dan's the man!!!" billy says triumphantly
"oh billy you're the most!" mandy laughs out
"say billy im starving for a JUICY burger and a milkshake!!!" mandy says
"well buckle up baby cause ....HERE...WEEEE.....GO!!!" he says (on go it cuts to the car speeding up down the road)

NEXT SHOT:
(them speeding into a parking space in front of a burger place with a big burger on the roof with the word "Beef Paradise")
(cut to them walking into the restaurant full of teens laughing and having a good wholesome time and them still laughing as they enter)
"hey guys! have a seat in that booth over there, your waiter will be RIGHT with you cool cats in just a sec!" the hostess excitedly tell them then rollerskates off.
they sit down and smiling looking at the menu, occasionally looking at eachother and giggling for no apparant reason(btw the swing music is still playing this whole time)
a waiter appears in black with a pale face, much like the character in lost highway with a very low ominous voice.

"my name is billy ....and ill be your server...." the waiter says

"hey my name is billy too, pretty neat" billy says looking up at the waiter.

"no.....it's not......you're name......is timothy" (the music stops but leaves a reverbial echo as it stops abruptly, you can no longer here the other people in the restaurant either."

"what do you mean?" billy says getting frightened looking, "my name is billy"

the waiter smiles and stares wide eyed at billy. he slowly turns to mandy and says "what would you like?"

"ummm...i....i'd like a cheeseburger(cut to her looking at the menu, then the menu saying strawberry shake under drinks)....and a strawberry shake" she says nervously.

"there IS NO strawberry shake" the waiter says twisting his face into creepy seriousness. we're all out"

the lights black out and strobe lights from different sides of the room strobe off and on in a strange pattern and a low rumbling sound commences. the girl looks horrified and stares wide eyed and teary at the waiter.

after an akward pause the waiter says "we only have chocolate"

another long pause...."then...uh-i....guess.....ch-chocolate" she trembles

"are you sure mandy?" the waiter asks.

even more wide eyed mandy trembles "how....did you know .....my name" tear run down her eyes

lowering his voice even more "your jacket."

cut to the jacket she is wearing that says on the coat pocket "HI! IM MANDY!"
she starts making seisure like shaky movements.

the waiter smiles and turns his head to billy "and you?"

billy visibly gulps and after a short pause "what are your specials?"

"a chicken sandwich" the waiter replies

"ill take the special...." billy says

"very......very good choice sir" the waiter smiles, "do you want pickles?"

mandy stops seisuring and stares smiling at billy.

billy mouth ajar stares confused and scared at mandy, then looks up at the waiter "how did you know i liked pickles?"

the waiter laughes louder and louder echoing and multiplying and then turns around and walks off into the kitchen and then walks out with a food tray and sets down mandy's burger and milkshake and billy's chicken sandwich and then turns back around and goes into the kitchen and doesnt come back. the strobe light is replaces with a spotlight over the table that leaves everything else around the booth black.

billy looks at his sandwich horrified and looks at the ketchup bottle, reaching for it.

"billy...dont" mandy says worriedly.

in slow motion he picks up the ketchup bottle untwists the cap and opens the sandwich which present only a piece of grilled chicken and no pickles. billy's eyes widen even more (can you imagine how wide that would be) and loud unsettling horn horror music abrupts.

I ASKED FOR PICKLES!!!!!! billy screams convulsing, and shaking his head back and forth violently.

"BILLY!!! OH GOD BILLY!" mandy cries screaming.

billy starts convulsing in fast motion with the spotlight becoming brighter and brighter and him screaming pickles becoming more distanced and reverbed until. the lights become so bright everything is white and you cant see anything and eventually its all white and silent.

A cartoon stork pops up on the screen.

"people just go CUCKOO without my pickles!!!" the stork says

the vlasic pickles logo appears.

this could have appeared as a commercial the characters were watching, though this movie sucks so i guess they wouldnt have done that.

"you're not silly because you're stupid, you're stupid because you're smart"