Dear oh Dear

Umm, where does one start? I got bought this on DVD for Christmas 2012 and last night (Jan 21st 2014) finally got round to watching it. Did my subconscious secretly know something about this film?
The acting is wooden, the story is baffling, effects aren't the worst I've seen but in no way are they above average. To top it off the whole movie is shown with a huge black boarder round it which makes viewing on any tv rather pathetic.

I understand this was a low budget film, but seriously?