Sexuality


Why is everyone so aggravated with Bobby's sexual "ambiguity?"

I watched this movie about two months ago, and decided to use it in a paper I'm writing on sexual orientation for a communications class, so I'm obviously focusing on the film's treatment of human sexuality.

In arguing that the commonly accepted binary definition of sexuality is purely a social construct, it is quite clear to me that Bobby's sexuality is of paramount importance in this regard in that it is not clearly defined. Bobby isn't straight. Bobby isn't gay. Bobby doesn't need to define himself that way; he doesn't care.

I think that's one of the points that is trying to be got at here. In the scene where Clare and Bobby are changing Rebecca's diaper, Clare asks Bobby something along the lines of, "You could do anything, couldn't you? You could live in the city, in the country, in the Sahara if you wanted to. It wouldn't bother you." Bobby's response? "I never really thought about it."

A parallel to his sexuality? I think so. He can sleep with Clare, he can kiss Jonathan, and is it wrong? He's never really thought about it. My paper, I hope, will use this movie to try to argue that "gay" and "straight" are only really there because we think about it.

Does anyone else see this? If you have something to add or think I should consider, please let me know!
Thank you,
Ian
NM Inst. of Mining and Technology

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Why is everyone so aggravated with Bobby's sexual "ambiguity"?


The simple answer is that many people cannot accept any notion of bisexuality. People (especially Americans) tend to say "this is white and this is black and there is no such thing as gray". I myself decided a while ago to take on the gay label not for myself, but because it is easier for most people to understand.

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I guess I am what you would call "gay" even though I have always been attracted to both men and women. However, I do tend to lean more towards seeking other men. But I agree that sexuality, to so many people, has to be so clearly defined and everything is so black and white, mainly because it frightens people and they don't want to have to think in depth about something as complex as human sexuality. For me, and I think the same is for Bobby in "Home...", it's the beauty of a person, not their genitalia. Unfortunately, sometimes those of us who fall under the "gay" category have to be stereotyped and categorized. When you say you're "gay" a whole plethora of preconceived notions flood into people's heads. I myself have just recently been honest with my family (they're all great; my mother's gay) however, saying "I'm gay" does not yet feel like it tells it all about me. And that's because I do not fall under a title. Nobody can completely. I think sexuality is a fascinating subject and an issue that will constantly be evaluated, evolved, and examined.

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Thank you for having such an interesting discussion.

nhprncss and itwoods, I agree with you both on your dissection of Bobby's sexuality. A lot of people just can't seem to understand that sexuality can be fluid for some people, and therefore, have a need to label it, because they're frightened by it.

I agreed that he learned from his brother that "it's just love," and it doesn't matter with who as long as you love them. I think he chose Jonathan at the end (because it seemed quite clear that he knew that Clare was leaving), because he realized that he needed him more than Clare. Bobby "just wants everyone to be happy," and it's not about his sexuality, because he loves them both.

And I think that even Clare and Jonathan are a little baffled by his ability to "do anything," which is what Clare tells him one night. Even Jonathan asks him, "What is he doing?" as Bobby leans in to kiss him. Perhaps the characters are written as a response to society?

"I don't know about what happened... because once you start writing, it all becomes fiction."

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[deleted]

I watched this movie last night and was so touched.

I think Bobby learned from his brother that all love is good love, so it never occurs to him to differentiate between Clare and Jonathan. He loves them both, and that's good enough. When he had to make a choice, he chose Jonathan but I don't think that was a "straight" vs. "gay" choice. He had a history and a relationship with Jonathan that Clare, no matter how much he loved her, could never really be a part of. Ultimately, he knew Jonathan would need someone to care for him, and that is a role that Bobby knew he would be good at.

I thought the line that was most telling in the scene between Clare and Bobby was when she said "You could do anything, couldn't you?" and he said, "I couldn't be alone."

Good luck with your paper, Ian! What an interesting subject!

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I watched this movie last night and was so touched.

I think Bobby learned from his brother that all love is good love, so it never occurs to him to differentiate between Clare and Jonathan. He loves them both, and that's good enough. When he had to make a choice, he chose Jonathan but I don't think that was a "straight" vs. "gay" choice. He had a history and a relationship with Jonathan that Clare, no matter how much he loved her, could never really be a part of. Ultimately, he knew Jonathan would need someone to care for him, and that is a role that Bobby knew he would be good at.

I thought the line that was most telling in the scene between Clare and Bobby was when she said "You could do anything, couldn't you?" and he said, "I couldn't be alone."

Good luck with your paper, Ian! What an interesting subject!

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I'm very glad somebody's talking intelligently about this. Most people when they hear about any kind of gay theme are struck instantly retarded. I think sexuality is much more fluid than it's given credit for being. I watched this movie with a woman who was instantly confused by the characters' sexuality. This was of course odd to me since most gay people I know have been with someone of the opposite sex, not to mention the many self-identified heterosexuals who've had homosexual experiences.

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You're right and summed it up nicely in this post.

Bobby does not think about it, he just acts according to his feelings. The male/male affection in the film where sex is not present is VERY powerful, and it's too bad more men do not feel free to express themselves in reality this way. Farrell plays the character brilliantly--It's very tough to even think of disliking him in any situation. He exudes compassion, understanding and acceptance and seems to be unable to understand why others wouldn't do the same. It's a rare film since it doesn't rely on special effects or spectacular violence, but on good writing, directing and acting.

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There are straight guys who would make love with a gay friend because they like them too much to hurt their feelings by rejecting their moves. Similarly, a gay man might give in to a move from a girl, for the same reasons. I've seen it happen often enough and I don't think its all that unusual in all parts of the world (including at the end of the world). But my question is, is it really a good situation? Johnathan in the movie is acutlely aware that Bobby can't love him back the way he loves him because Bobby is not gay in the way he is. Did the teenage Bobby have sex with the teenage Johnathan just to be nice and because he was grateful that Johnathan's family had taken him in? I guess that would be taking it a bit far...

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Before seeing it, I had read in articles about the film that Colin's character was bisexual. And that's the way it was played. I didn't find anything out of the ordinary about it at all.

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[deleted]

This is probably the most important conversation thats happened on this site i think :)

People always try and classify things. Its in human nature. Proof of that occurs in this message board. Its starts off people don't classify bobby's sexuality but as the board progresses he becomes bi.

Queer theory suggests that sexuality is a fluid thing. not linear with one end being perfectly gay and the other being perfectly straight... think of sexuality like a river. It flows it changes. Its never in the same place doing the same thing.

So Bobby is just queer. A label that rejects all labels. He's not white, middle class, whatever religion, bi, gay straight, bi curious.... he's just queer... doesn't that make things easier?







"Hilary what's yodelling got to do with it?"

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But "Queer" is such an abnoxious word, I certainly don't agree that people can describe me in that way, even though I'm pretty much exactly the same as Bobby. If someone wants to use a word to describe me (other than my name :P ), then I'm very happy for them to use Bisexual, or if I'm feeling light-hearted, then I love switch-hitter! :P ... I think it is the same for Bobby - that's certainly what I understood, anyway. :)

===
I don't like the feeling of being hunted... There's a lot more power in being the *hunter* - Dawn Lagarto, Series 7.

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I don't think the use of "queer" that was intended was the traditional one!
Usually you use "queer" as a synonim for "fag" or "fairy", i think that "queer" here was used in its more literal sense of being uncommon and unusual!

By the way, i totally loved this movie!!! Being a heterosexual male, i found Bobby to be an extremely endearing character (hooray for Farrel), and i related to his ability to simply love someone, regardless of sex (although i think i could never kiss a man the same way i kiss a woman)!

And did anyone else simply ADORE the soundtrack???

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[deleted]

YES! I had to find, "It's Going To Take A Miracle" by Lauro Nyro. Amazing song!

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Good choice for a paper.

I didn't give much thought to Bobby's sexual orientation when I watched the film, focusing on his very, very human qualities instead, which seemed to be the whole point of his character. But, now that we're tallking about sexual orientation, I think people focus far too much attention on that. Bobby doesn't think about it. It's not all that important, anyway, unless you choose to make it important or someone else chooses to make it important for you.

I don't think someone's sexual orientation is entirely a social construct. Mostly, probably, but not entirely. Some people may be wired differently than others, and, from life experience, some may end up wiring themselves differently. Depends on your experiences and how you sort them out, what you make of them, and how you and they change you.

Bottom line for me, I think this was a delightful, touching little film. I loved the story, the characters, and what the movie had to say about them. I enjoy a story that keeps asking questions, offers insights, but still asks more questions.

One other thing, I admire Bobby, not because of his sexual orientation, but because of his values.



Writing about movies is like dancing about architecture

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I did not feel that the sexuality in this movie was treated in the, now traditional method, as a commodity. I felt it had a very homemade feel about it. An individual goes to their cupboard, sees what is in there, and then decides what they can make to eat. It was not treated as, go to store X, buy product Y, and it will be exactly like every other product Y that has ever been consumed.
Always being open to options, IMO, denotes a youthful approach to life, " I have never seen this flower before. What does it smell like, what does it taste like, I wonder if it will taste like the flower right next to it? "

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I haven't seen this movie yet but i really want to.

I've known for a while that my sexual orientation was for both men AND woman, but i never really undertsood it. I was very confused for so long, thinking, am i gay? am i straight? am i bi? can i choose? will people treat me differently if i am gay? will my family love me less?

Well, i found out about this movie, read a little about it, and eventually ended up here. reading these posts had dramatically changed the way i think about my own sexuality and sexuality in general.

i mean, like you guys have said, Bobby never had to differentiate gay from straight. he never had to pick one, or felt like he had to make a decision he didnt want to. thats exactly how i want to be. i feel the same as him, in the sense that ive felt attracted to men and woman, though i do prefer men.

I cant wait to see this move, and i think ill love it just because it symbolizes a sort of freedom and mental clarity i wish i could have.

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What a lot of interesting thoughts you all guys throw. If everyone is honest with his or her feeling, then sexuality should not matter. I believe love is nothing to do with sex, yet lust is. This movie somewhat tells about it :)

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