MovieChat Forums > Normal (2003) Discussion > From one who's been there...

From one who's been there...


This film was both wonderful and somewhat disappointing.

The performances by both Lange and Wilkinson were spectacular to the point the screenplay allowed them to be.

Having been through this myself, I was amazed at how accurate the detail on the subject was but the film lacked the intensity of the real emotions brought out at such a difficult time families have to face. The confrontation with Wayne scratched the surface here and that's where the real drama lies.

We weren't drawn enough to the depth of plight that bot Roy and Irma had to endure. We weren't allowed to see into the real emotion of this kind of situation can bring. To tell the story that I believe Jane Alexander was trying to tell, we should have felt more of the trauma that would be stirred up.

What led Roy up to this drastic moment? Could it have just been midlife crisis? Why was a gender change so important that he would be willing to possibly risk all that he loved, losing family, friends, his job and facing the ridicule of the unforgiving ignorant? How did gender dysphoria affect his life as a child? A teen? A young adult? So terribly so to cause him to do this?

We saw a bit more of Irma's emotion but here again, the surface was only scratched. We didn't feel the depth her angst. She did give in too quick. Her helping Ruth buy clothes and her general comfort level with her husband in make-up came much too quickly and easily.

Still, this film handles the gender issue as well as "Boys Don't Cry" did. Obviously Alexander did her research on the subject. Were were presented with a a certain accuracy in the detail that was refreshing. The awkwardness of how to begin talking about it. The first night shaving of the underarms, the careful selection of toiletries, purposefully all feminine in nature. The changes brought about by the hormones, softening of the skin, growth of breasts and the change in demeaner, even the hormone prescription bottles were the correct prescriptions.

I'd like to say to the critics who don't believe that a wife could possibly stay with a female husband, it happens more often than you might think (unfortunately not for myself). That thier love was deep enough they would wind up together was not so unbelievable on the part of either character.<P>

I'd love to write the sequel to this story, what happens AFTER surgery. There is SO much more to tell here folks.

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Well, I'm not a screenwriter. Easy for us (me) to sit back and think I could do it better than a professional. Not many screenwriters with my unique insight on this particular subject. Or, who knows....

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I am just wondering. But what is it like to have a sex change? I mean I saw this guy have one on TLC. But I was just wondering what it would be like to someone personally. I'm just curious about the opinion of someone that has actually been through it.

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I am touched by your email-sms-14. Let's hope that there will be a sequel and you will be the writer.

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I'm sure that no single film could address all the issues involved, but I do think that, considering how shallow and simpleminded Hollywood is generally, this film did a pretty damned good job of touching on some of the major issues and addressing the questions people might have in a sensitive way. It definitely got the point across that love comes from the heart and transcends superficial things like appearance and gender roles. It's funny at times, like the family fight at the breakfast table with menopausal mother, adolescent daughter, and hormonal Roy/Ruth all bitching at each other, and poignant also, like when they try to give Wayne some of his father's clothes, and he doesn't want them but the tomboyish daughter does. Maybe I'm not expressing it quite right, it's hard to find the right words, but I was deeply moved by this film and I get more out of it each time I watch it. We need more films like this one to push boundaries, extend limits, and make people open up their minds and think. Maybe the world would be a little better place.

Did that hurt, Nokes?

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The most beautiful and touching dramas can be told in such a way that all you have expressed aneed to touch upon does not NEED to be there. Why have everything forced in your face? I don't mean this disrespectfully in any way, so please don't take it that way. It had such a great message, and what I loved most about this film, is that the message was not shoved down my throat.

Here is my take on the film:

Through the performances, there were moments you did not need words. Why do I need to know the history of his adolescence and all his traumas that lead him to take such a step? I didn't need that because I saw it in his face when he first put on the earrings and looked in the mirrir...my God, what a moment...it was like he was truley finding himself! I saw the anguish and pain in his face when he was at his parents...remember him putting a gun to his head, and crying? Why do I need to know that, when it's obvious he is willing to die if he cannot be who he truley is?

And Irma..that scene in the laundry room...what a perfect display of disgust, confusion, and love!

I think the movie was perfect the way it is. It is a film, and stories with film are not just told with scripts, but through visual cinematography. I give this movie a 10 out of 10 on many levels!

I think yur story would be a spectacular book, for I can tell from your email you do have some talent in that respect. I myself would buy a copy!


"You are ze audience and I am ze writer. I OUTRANK YOU!"

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I am a 21 year old male who has been transgendered all of my life. At this point, I'm not sure exactly where I stand, it has gotten easier only in the last few years, but not much easier, as it is still s struggle. Before reading this thread even I was thinking about writing a screenplay about this topic, as I would like to see a movie documenting a character's entire life {at least the earlier part} and trh struggles that can involve. It is truly a desperate, sad and lonely experience, and I am fortunate in that it has gotten easier, but for the first eighteen years of my life it was the most intense feeling 24/7. Sometimes with gender dysphoria it goes away at a certain point {sometimes after adolesence} while other times it is a life long problem. I'm not sure if I'm just supressing it or not, but in any event it has not in the least completly gone away. This movie pretty accurately portrayed alot of the aspects of transgenderism, however, it could have gone way further, and showing someone growing up enduring this would shed alot more light on what it is like.

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Quite simply it is a beautifully if quickly told story and it is clearly about people and growth. Without question many of the most telling moments in the film were visual, and powerful.

I can say from direct experience that the details are not nearly as important as the message of hope and growth for all parties involved. If done in such a fashion, my life committed to celluloid would also lack the detailed history some folks would be looking for. I knew when I was six, my father FREAKED and I dove into a closet for 21 years.

When I started coming out of the closet, the radiation had died down some, but it was still not a quick or easy journey. I'm still a couple, three years away from surgery myself at this point but that's more from a standpoint of money and working hard on 'passing' better. This is completely my choice, but one I'm comfortable with.

I still remember my first earings, white gold studs shot into my ear by a piercing gun on September 29th, 2004 at 9:29 PM in the Piercing Pagota in the Rockingham Mall in Salem NH. I remember the day when the new holes were healed and I could change my own earings for the first time. I had numerous early moments like that early on. That one small segment in the movie was moving and powerful, all without words . . .

Samantha . . .

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That's awesome, samanthaxx. I am very, very happy for you. From someone who has a continuing struggle with the same thing, I find it very encouraging that you have found the strength to go through with that. Again, as I mentioned in a previous post, I'm so confused right now, I'm not sure if I'm still on the same path, but for many, many years I was completly transgendered, and even today I struggle with it as well, just not as clearly defined, so it is always incredible to read posts like what you wrote, and it gives me hope.

I hope to write a screenplay or a novel or something about this subject, I want people to be able to understand what this is like, as closely as is possible without actually being here. It's impossible to describe every little detail of it, but if I can help people understand and become more accepting through my work, then I will be happy.

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wow this thread is totally not what i expected from an imdb forum. inspiring stuff

late for the sky

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I would be curious as to what became of the top two posters, "Ryan" and "Samatha." I noticed there hasn't been any activity on their message boards for several years.

I'm a transsexual myself and I do know a lot come to have regrets, or sadness in their lives, so much so that they return to living as males again or commit suicide.

I still wished they would make a movie about Jahna Steele's tragic life, or even Renee Richards 30 years later.

"Sorry Honey, I didn't recognize you with your clothes on."Christine Jorgensen R.I.P.

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Littlecasino60, your post implies that both Jahna Steele and Renee Richards either detransitioned or committed suicide. But Steele died of an accidental overdose, and Richards is still living--as a woman. Despite what some people claim (mostly rabidly anti-LGBT folks), there really aren't very many trans people who detransition.

With that said, I fully expect to see a documentary about Mike Penner/Christine Daniels in the next few years.

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WOW! It's been more than 6 years since I wrote the original post to this thread and this is the first time I've been back since.

My how things have changed.

It is interesting that the last few post's have talked about some peoples regrets of transitioning. I was 4 years post op when I wrote the original post and I was pretty happy when I wrote it.

Now, I have nothing but regret. I have lost all sense of identity. Not male, not female, I don't even feel like a person anymore.

I wouldn't think about "de-transitioning" because I wouldn't feel anymore comfortable than I do now.

I really put myself between a rock and a hard place!

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I PM'ed you!

"Hi! I'm Chickie! Fly Me to Quaalude!" Birtha Review

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Didn't get it :(

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Sorry about that, sms-14. I think the PrivateMessages are automatically deleted after a few weeks.

I had written that I could relate so well to nearly everything you said. I've been living and working as a female (in incredibly lowpaying jobs) for over 20 yrs but have nothing to show for it. I thought things would just happen for me after I started the transition and begin living "as a female," but it didn't. I only had one brief, nothing-to-brag-about, relationship with a male. He dumped me because I'M NOT A REAL WOMAN after all, and said he needed a REAL WOMAN to be with. Typical, I guess. Then lost a few jobs when my employers discovered the truth about me.

I knew this one transsexual who is 20 years post-op and she has been unemployed and homeless most of that time. She told me that she now has Multiple Myeloma from - what she believes - years of estrogen use. As she accurately put it, "This is no Cinderella lifestyle. The fairytale ending we envision usually doesn't happen." I'm sure there are some that do manage to capture that dream we all seek, but it didn't happen for me or for many others.

Also, like yourself, I would not want to go back to living as a male again despite all the setbacks and disappointments in my life. I think that would be worse. Much worse, actually.

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No worries, we'll catch up!

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