From one who's been there...
This film was both wonderful and somewhat disappointing.
The performances by both Lange and Wilkinson were spectacular to the point the screenplay allowed them to be.
Having been through this myself, I was amazed at how accurate the detail on the subject was but the film lacked the intensity of the real emotions brought out at such a difficult time families have to face. The confrontation with Wayne scratched the surface here and that's where the real drama lies.
We weren't drawn enough to the depth of plight that bot Roy and Irma had to endure. We weren't allowed to see into the real emotion of this kind of situation can bring. To tell the story that I believe Jane Alexander was trying to tell, we should have felt more of the trauma that would be stirred up.
What led Roy up to this drastic moment? Could it have just been midlife crisis? Why was a gender change so important that he would be willing to possibly risk all that he loved, losing family, friends, his job and facing the ridicule of the unforgiving ignorant? How did gender dysphoria affect his life as a child? A teen? A young adult? So terribly so to cause him to do this?
We saw a bit more of Irma's emotion but here again, the surface was only scratched. We didn't feel the depth her angst. She did give in too quick. Her helping Ruth buy clothes and her general comfort level with her husband in make-up came much too quickly and easily.
Still, this film handles the gender issue as well as "Boys Don't Cry" did. Obviously Alexander did her research on the subject. Were were presented with a a certain accuracy in the detail that was refreshing. The awkwardness of how to begin talking about it. The first night shaving of the underarms, the careful selection of toiletries, purposefully all feminine in nature. The changes brought about by the hormones, softening of the skin, growth of breasts and the change in demeaner, even the hormone prescription bottles were the correct prescriptions.
I'd like to say to the critics who don't believe that a wife could possibly stay with a female husband, it happens more often than you might think (unfortunately not for myself). That thier love was deep enough they would wind up together was not so unbelievable on the part of either character.<P>
I'd love to write the sequel to this story, what happens AFTER surgery. There is SO much more to tell here folks.