1. "A woke up on monday and my stocks were gone, enron-ron-ron, enron-ron."
2. "Weren't you the one who said 'Do me, sue, *beep* me, kick me'" (Michael Jackson joke)
3. "What, are you doing 'West Side Story' down the aisle? 'Going down the aisle, crazy aisle'"
4. "Do we have a kids show called 'Saudi-Doody'?"
There were 2 other jokes that cut out but I can't remember them at the moment. Thankfully I taped it when it was HBO.
Actually, the "Saudi Doody" joke *is* on the DVD. There's also some stuff from the CD (a different performance than the one on the DVD) that was not in this performance:
(after "It's not just a sin, it's a felony.") "Back to our in-flight movie. Remember when you used to get on the planes before 9/11, the pilots would come on and give you that whole Chuck Yeager: (low sultry voice) 'Hey ev'rybuddy. Hadda cuple-uh cocktails. Feelin' pretty good. Let's take this sucker down to the end of the runway and see what she'll do.' Now they come on and go: (whispery voice) 'I love all of you. We...are family.' Then the stewardess comes out and goes: 'In case of a cabin emergency, a small Louisville Slugger will fall from the ceiling. Remember to take it in both hands. Aim for the head, groin, and knees. Keep! Hitting the assailant! Until! The *beep* Is! Unconscious!' Because now, on the Red Eye flight, which used to be you'd take any medication you had and you'd go, 'Hey!' and you'd wake up in Tokyo. 'Hey, this isn't Cleveland.' (Japanese accent) 'No it is not!' Now, people on the Red Eye are wide awake, looking around the entire cabin. Looking for anyone who ordered the hummus. Scare-EE!"
(after the Viagra routine, after saying "but only enough to use one at a time," instead of saying "suddenly you hear these words from your lady....") "People say to me, after seeing that, they go, 'Do your kids see that?' I went, 'No.' 'Daddy's not hurting Mommy, we're just doing magic, it's okay!' You don't want them coming in and going like, (little boy voice) 'What is that, position 12? It's not like what I saw online.' My son, actually, who is ten, saw me performing on the Dennis Miller show, and came up afterwards and said, 'Father, you have to set limits.' Which was like, 'Thank you, my tiny conscious, my little mormon friend.' All of a sudden, my son has become Sylvester the cat's son like, 'Oh, Father, mutht you embarath me?' Frightening, though, how bright he is. It's this amazing thing where basically, it's like Child 2.5. You know, he's there, he's playing video games, which is like kitty crack anyway, it's like (imitates a child playing a video game), he's also instant messaging, he's doing his homework, he's on the phone, and I go in going, 'You are very bright. And, what, what is this?' (little boy voice) 'It's a cold fusion laser I made with Legos. Don't touch it.' (his own voice) 'Fine. Fine.' I have a weird feeling that one day, he's just gonna come up and go, 'I'm letting you go. I have found you a family in Korea.' 'Great.'" (The rest is really long, and you'll have to listen to the CD.)
>>(after the Viagra routine, after saying "but only enough to use one at a time," instead of saying "suddenly you hear these words from your lady....") "People say to me, after seeing that, they go, 'Do your kids see that?' I went, 'No.' 'Daddy's not hurting Mommy, we're just doing magic, it's okay!' You don't want them coming in and going like, (little boy voice) 'What is that, position 12? It's not like what I saw online.' My son, actually, who is ten, saw me performing on the Dennis Miller show, and came up afterwards and said, 'Father, you have to set limits.' Which was like, 'Thank you, my tiny conscious, my little mormon friend.' All of a sudden, my son has become Sylvester the cat's son like, 'Oh, Father, mutht you embarath me?' Frightening, though, how bright he is. It's this amazing thing where basically, it's like Child 2.5. You know, he's there, he's playing video games, which is like kitty crack anyway, it's like (imitates a child playing a video game), he's also instant messaging, he's doing his homework, he's on the phone, and I go in going, 'You are very bright. And, what, what is this?' (little boy voice) 'It's a cold fusion laser I made with Legos. Don't touch it.' (his own voice) 'Fine. Fine.' I have a weird feeling that one day, he's just gonna come up and go, 'I'm letting you go. I have found you a family in Korea.' 'Great.'" (The rest is really long, and you'll have to listen to the CD.)
>>Is he talking about Zachary or Cody here? I mean I've heard that Zac, who I think Robin said graduated with a linguistics major, has always been much more serious than dad - so it would seem like this would describe him well. But if it's 2002 and he's saying he's 10 it would have to be Cody. Perhaps both of them are more serious and not big on comedic stand-up. So sad, "like father like son", not in the Williams family. But Zelda seems to be more in tune with him, she was in House of D and said she had some interest in acting and stuff.
number 2
turn it around
it's kick me ki*e me but then again maybe Robin said it that way.
For some reason I bought MJ's 2 disc before they stripped that song of it. Why I have no idea.
course now that I remember the line, it's not Do me sue me, but I'm probably not going to say the whole line now... cause I might get my nuts thrown in a blender. :P
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Books are meant to be read, if not, they'll die and so will we!
Does anyone know WHY this stuff was cut out? I can't see a reason.
shareProbably music licensing issues. A deal would have to be struck with the writers of all those songs ("Da Do Ron Ron", "They Don't Care About Us", "Cool") and they can get expensive.
George Carlin: It's all bullsh-t and it's bad for ya.
I also remember something about Goofy and getting laid I don't know if it was part of this special though, but i saw it when it first aired so it's possible it came from here
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