MovieChat Forums > Blue Collar Comedy Tour: The Movie (2003) Discussion > Favorite lines?

Favorite lines?

posted 21 years ago by ralph_jenkins28
22 replies | jump to latest

Here's some of my favorite lines:

Bill: (about acupuncture) I had ONE question for Dr. Cheng. Anyone know what that question might have been? Does it hurt! She said, (in Korean accent) "Oh no, it no hurt." From a door three feet away, I hear a grown man go, "OW, OOWWW!" I went, "What was that?!" (in Korean accent) "Oh, he big baby!" I said, "I'm a big baby!"

Jeff: (about being a redneck his entire life) Looking back, it was oh so obvious! Seriously. My entire childhood, our mailbox had the letters M-A-L-E painted on the side. And by the time I was in the 11th grade, I was like, "That ain't right! That M's supposed to be capitalized, isn't it?" That's a true story. My uncle did that when I was in the 3rd grade. And NOBODY got it!

Ron: (about being thrown out of a bar in New York) This guy comes up to me and goes, "Take off the HAT!" I was like, "What's the deal?" He said, (in New York accent) "I'll tell you what the deal is! Gay people in this area wear hats, we're trying to keep em out of our club." I said, "Oh really? Well, in Texas the only way we can tell is if they got their hair cut like... Yours!" Then he got all pissed.

Larry: I had a girlfriend that was a midget stripper. Seriously! I met her at a party, she popped out of a cupcake.

[–] Iceman-7 20 years ago

I think my favorite was the line about the cops racially profilling against anyone who was driving on the sidewalk. I had a real good laugh after that one.

[–] 20 years ago

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[–] cubfan23 20 years ago

No Message

[–] Revenge_of_the_Madness 20 years ago

I liked just about everything Ron White said...I came here by way of Flagstaff cause my manager doesn't own a globe.

And being from Texas: The jokes about Death Row and the Express lane...It was great. The part about the plane was also really really funny.

Diamonds: That'll shut her up.

Everybody get your groove on if you have one.

[–] scocaitl 20 years ago

My personal favorites are:

"My sister...is covered with moles" and the various other times when people in stories are covered with moles.

I also love Ron's face when he says "Take off the HAT!!"

"I'm gonna pin a $20 bill to his collar and wish him the best of luck!"

[–] PrncssPrncssDoo 20 years ago

Most everything from Ron White, especially the story about the plane, "how far is the other engine gonna take us?" Ron: "ALL THE WAY TO THE SCENE OF THE CRASH!!"

[–] silentbanky 20 years ago

"I bet we beat the paramedics there by a half hour."

[–] hockeystudpjc 20 years ago

we got 43 cars in the kotex cup, with jeff gordon comin the number 24 strawberry douche chevy monte carlo. How'd you get tickets to the Tampon 200? We pulled some stings but we got 'em

[–] spider_shane2003 20 years ago

Wow, I have so many favorites...

"The bouncer come over to me, tapping me on the shoulder with two fingers, and says 'You're outta here!'. I said, 'I don't think so, Scooter'...And I was wrong..."

"My parents bought me a wood burning kit...What could possibly go wrong with a toy like that? A sharp metal stick that heated up to five-thousand degrees!"

"Back then, children weren't too good to go through the windshield with the rest of the family!"

"Gramma! You shouldn't draw on your legs with the blue magic marker!"

"You want some of this?" "Naw, look what it did to your undershorts..."

"Ya caught me! Ya caught the tater!"

That's no moon...It's a bass drum...

[–] 20 years ago

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[–] starlight4816 20 years ago

I love Ron's whole routine about the bar. It's long, but i love it:
I got thrown out of a bar in New York City. Now when I say I got thrown out of a bar, I don't mean somebody asked me to leave, and we walked to the door together, and I said "Bye everybody, I gotta go." Six bouncers hurled me out of a night club like I was a frisbee. Those big ol' New York bouncers that think bouncing's a cool job to have. They just think about bouncing. They hang out with other bouncers talking about bouncing. They go home every night, watch Road House, and fondle themselves. I walk into a bar with a hat on, this guy, real pissy, goes "TAKE OFF THE HAT!!" I'm like "What's the deal?" He said "I'll tell you what the deal is. Gay people in this area wear hats, we're tryin' to keep 'em outta our club!" "Oh really? The only way we can tell down in Texas is if they have their hair cut like... yours." And he got all pissed. But he walked away and I took the hat off. About an hour later, I'd been drinking and I forgot. You ever forget? Happened to me. I put the hat back on, the guy comes over to me. Now I'm between 6'1" and 6'6", depending on which convenience store I'm leaving. I weigh 230 pounds. The guy comes over to me, poking me in the shoulder with two fingers. He says "You're outta here!" I said "I don't think so, Scooter." And I was WRONG. They HURLED me outta that bar. Then they squared off with me in the parking lot, but I backed down from the fight cos I don't know how many of them it woulda taken to... whip my ass. But I knew how many they were gonna use. And that's a handy lil piece of information to have. Well they called the police cos we broke a chair on the way out and I refused to pay for it. I refused to pay for it cos WE broke it over MY thigh. The cops showed up, and taht point I had the right to remain silent. But I didn't have the ability. The cop says "Mr. White, you are charged with being drunk in pubLIC." I said "Hey hey hey hey! I was drunk in a bar. They THREW me into pubLIC. I don't wanna be drunk in pubLIC. I wanna be drunk in a BAR, which is perfectly legal. Arrest THEM.

"God vomited and there was Jackie." -Dep. James Garcia, RENO 911!

[–] stoogedude 20 years ago

I laughed till I cried when Larry the Cable Guy said this:

I went for a checkup the other day, the doctor stuck his finger up my hind end. He didn't even tell me, he just does it. I'm standin there, I'm like, "Hey you watch the football game on Th-thursday?". What in the world! Then he told me he found sumthing. FOUND SOMETHING?! I didn't even know he was lookin for nothin. I'm all bent out of shape. What in the world's in my hind end? Hope it's the remote control, I ain't seen it in three weeks! No wonder every time I fart, the volume goes up on the TV set over there. Found something in my hind end! That's about the worst dentist I've been to in about 5 years!

I also loved it when Larry had a remote control fart machine. I couldn't breathe, I was laughing so hard.

"If you don't like my Chevy truck, smile as you go under."

[–] occupation_foole 20 years ago

My favorite line was the one that Larry said about the midget stripper.

[–] EricDraven04 20 years ago

i've got a few favorites.

When Bill walked into his house and saw his wife folding clothes, and grabbed some little panties and said "when you gonna wear these for me honey?" and she said "I can't. They are your daughters!"
that line had me rolling.

and being from Texas, I loved the joke "Other states are trying to abolish the death penalty. My states putting in an express lane."

that was the best line i have ever heard.

if masturbation was a college course, we'ld all have PH'Ds

[–] cheesemunkys14 20 years ago

i just LOVE ron white's set..."in texas we have the death penalty and we USE IT!" that's just awesome....

i really like the "riding-on-an-electric-floor-buffer"Redneck joke..."HEY HEY! Tequila was involved, GET OFF ME!" (i used that on one of my friends b4 cuz it applied to a joke on them....it was great)

Larry the Cable Guy's set was great too...i love the "eatin britches"..."I'd buy her 4 or 5 pairs before i went to her house cuz i'd always end up eatin 2 or 3 on the way there...Boy, if they made those in biscuits and gravy, i'd be gettin fat off of eatin-britches!"

"GIT-R-DONE!!!!"

my favorite part of the whole movie was when they're all out there and Bill's doing the "Here's your sign"..." 'You get your truck stuck?' and the driver without missing a beat says 'nope, i was just deliverin this overpass and i ran outta gas...' "

That is the funniest sh*t EVER!!!!

TOMMY:"A lotta people go to college for 7 years."
RICHARD:"Yeah, they're called doctors!"

[–] sam_jones70 20 years ago

Bill

"Hello Lucy...............Fer"
"I will set you ablaze!"
The alaze line is so funny because at my school about a year ago, a goth girl really said that to a teacher. We were all rollin' and she was completely oblivious.

[–] snowball_236 20 years ago

"I refuse to pay for the bar stool because WE broke it over MY thigh."

I draw the line at seven unreturned phone calls.

[–] LilWarrior379 20 years ago

Larry: oh no u use this. ur next album will go ALUMINUM!

Bill: i've got no problem going back to prison.

[–] soprano8488 20 years ago

Ron~ "I don't think so, scooter!"
Ron~ "My son, tater tot..."
Ron~ "Yes, they call me...Tater Salad!"
Ron~ "We're traveling at the speed of smell! We're getting passed by a kite. There's a goose behind us and the pilot's going 'Go around, go around!'"
Ron~ "Mr. White, it's p-ah-st 7!"

Bill~ "Oh my GOD!...did you hit a DEER?"
Bill~ "My wife collects twist ties....welcome to my world!"
Bill~ "Oh my god, they're filming this!!"

Jeff~ "My uncle goes, 'Woo-wee! Where'd you get them thangs, girl?' 'I bought 'em' 'You know, I been thinking about buying me some!' 'You are 62 years old! You getting a boob job would be like putting up a new chandelier in a haunted house!' 'Well, I figure if I put some new lights in the house you might stay in it longer than two minutes!'"
Jeff~ "If you stare at a can of orange juice because it says concentrate!"

Larry~ "'How'd you get tickets to the Tampon 200?' 'Well, we pulled some strings!'"
Larry~ "I was seeing this really pretty girl for about 6 weeks, then someone stole the binoculars out of my truck!"
Larry~ "I was dating this one girl looked like Michelle Pfieffer, only her face was different!"

Why order a taco when you can ask it politely?

[–] mystixdreamer 19 years ago

First it was "diamonds, she'll be speechless" then they had "diamonds, it'll take her breath away". Well why dont they just say it? Diamonds, that'll shut 'er up

sad thing is, tat is so true

I <3 My Aaron

[–] kcowkid 19 years ago

My favourite lines in the movie are any of the "here's your sign" jokes, specifically:

- "Has the plane landed?" "No, I'm having an out of body experience and thought I'd come and check on it"
- "No I thought I'd just pin $20 to his collar and wish him the best of luck"
- "You get your truck stuck?" "No I was delivering this overpass and I ran out of gas"

I also really like the whole Tater Salad and Tater Tot thing.

[–] sxymommacitaprincess_227 13 years ago

Only thing I liked by ron was when he was talking bout being drunk in public, and talking bout having to take that test.

Ron: They told me to count to 30, I made it to woo! LOL