I met Calpernia a few years ago at a college event where she spoke about anti-transgender and anti-gay violence. After which she and I kept in contact for awhile as well. That being said, there are a few things I'd like to address in the posts I just read:
1. when transgender females begin to transition and live their life as the gender they identify with, there are a variety of steps to take. Everything from underwear that de-emphasizes certain features, software that teaches an individual how to speak more feminine, hormone therapies, and of course, surgery. Depending on where a person is in their process of transitioning, that will impact how "feminine' they may appear or how they present themselves to society. In Calpernia's case, I know she was in the midst of transitioning when Barry was murdered therefore she looked much different then than she does now. So to say that Lee Pace is more attractive in his depiction of Calpernia than the real Calpernia is is slightly offensive. Furthermore, when trans women who are biologically male transition (begin dressing as, being known as the gender in which they identify,living as the gender they feel they are) when they are older like Calpernia, the testosterone they've had in their system their life will cause the process to be a bit more challenging. (This is the reason that many female-to-male transgender individuals have an easier time "passing" or being accepted by the mainstream than male-to-female sometimes do.)
2. Calpernia used A LOT of humor to deflect any attention from talking about Barry's death, primarily in the wake of his death. Understand that she is an actress, she performed on stage for a living. That served as both a way to escape the horrific circumstances of Barry's death as well as it was her job. To this day, she doesn't like to talk about his death. Like I said, she spoke at my college and was in tears just talking about her relationship with Barry and trust me, there is nothing staged about those tears. (If there was, I'd have known as I am an actress and can generally suss out others acting vs. the real thing.) Everyone handles grief over their loved ones differently and I don't feel its my place or anyone else's to say that how Calpernia chose to handle Barry's death was "wrong" or "right." She feels the way she feels and at the end of the day the only two people who know what went on in that relationship were Barry and Calpernia.
3. As for Calpernia's acting career, she was an actress long before meeting Barry and she continues to be an actress. The fact that her boyfriend was murdered in a horrific act may have lead her depiction in the film "Soldier's Girl" but its not as if she went to the producers of the film and said "hey you should make a movie about me and my then-boyfriend'. In all fairness she talked more about love and acceptance of those who are trans rather than Barry's death during the event I met her at. It was not about Barry's death and therefore I don't see her as "riding his coattails" either. Her roles in movies such as Transamerica are due to her own hard work and efforts not because she was a public figure following Barry's death. That may have afforded her some fame but its NOT the kind of fame she wanted nor is it how she wants to be remembered either.
4. Yes, this was a movie that depicted Calpernia and Barry in a certain way but realize that both are [were, in Barry's case] real people and deserve a certain amount of respect.
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Linda1973
12 years ago
I can't speak for how she is now as a person, I can only speak for what I experienced. As I've kept in contact with some of my Nashville friends, I do know that there are many in the gay community there that do not like her. I won't say that she made enemies, but there is definitely a large group that does not care for her from her actions during the whole Barry Winchell incident. People react in different ways, no doubt...but each of us has to deal with the reactions of others based on how we are. It was clear that night that the audience didn't didn't react well to her "humor" that was being used after his death, and many in Nashville still have that burned into their memory.
"As for Calpernia's acting career, she was an actress long before meeting Barry..." That's interesting. She was only known in the area as a drag queen until she left after Barry's death. What did she act in before meeting Barry? I have known of nothing, myself...I am curious as to what acting she did before.
And as far as transgender people go, I am very familiar with the processes they go through as I have several as friends myself. Living in CA and working as a personal assistant, I have encountered many over the years both in & out of the acting industry. When I stated that Lee Pace looked better than Calpernia, I wasn't just referring to her at the time of Barry's death...he still looks better as a woman than she does now. That's not meant to be offensive, just a personal opinion.
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beach_df
12 years ago
I will say though that Lee Pace did do a good job at portraying Calpernia, at least in my experience. As for Calpernia's acting, she did live performances, plays, etc.. before getting cast in roles in "Transamerica,' and other such movies. I think everyone is entitled to grieve their own way and what works for Calpernia may not make sense to us but the only people who know what happened in that relationship are that of Barry and Calpernia. So I feel I can not comment upon that in good faith as I don't know much beyond what she told me herself and what the movie documented. As for the flack she received from the gay community, I can understand that to a degree. The gay and trans community although very immersed at times are two separate groups that work toward a common goal of acceptance however the experiences that both go through are not fully understood by either party, in my experience. For instance, I have several friends who refuse to join LGBT groups as they feel they are not welcomed by those who gay but not trans.
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