What the hell was going on?

I enjoy the hell out of bad movies, but there was never a point in this film where I thought, "I'm really glad I'm watching this." This is the movie equivalent of getting kicked in the balls.
Why was there a newsclown? It sure as hell wasn't funny. Why did Major Kent Bendover have sex with an alien? It's not enough we have to see his lumpy, greased up, pale flesh, but then we get to see alien nipples shooting out spray cheese! Congratulations George Ormrod, you made me want to throw up in my mouth.