The worst movie ever


It's a *beep* *beep*!

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I totaly agree with you: This is the worst move ever made since movie-making! It's so bad, it hurts to watch! Can only be used in a torture-chamber to make innocent people confess unspeakable crimes (or perhaps in a 'Clockwork Orange'-Therapie)! Dear Mr. Seagal, please, never ever do that again!

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I just somehow mamaged to finish watching this incredible piece of crap... Wow.. I mean.. I have seen some pretty bad flicks in my life, but this has to be one of the worst films in the history of filmmaking! ...if you can use the terms 'film' and 'filmmaking' in this case, but i wouldn't think so... Well.. There were some funny moments though... Like for example a sign on about every building and wall in Germany reading in german 'Achtung - Hochspannung' ('Danger - High Voltage')! Yes, the word 'Achtung' is pretty useful when you want to point out that you are in Germany - even when you're filming in Poland ;)

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[deleted]

You've got to be shrooming to say that this is one of the worst movies ever made. Honestly, you wouldn't have watched it at all if you didn't have a desire to see it. How many movies do you walk by in a movie rental place and not get? Tons, some because you aren't in the mood and a bunch of others because you know they are horrid. Jump off the Segal bashing bandwagon.

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I didn't rent this piece of crap, i got it for free from a friend as a divx... And as i watch every movie i get, i watched this also... And i don't bash Seagal, some of his older movies were actually very watchable, but this one is one of the 3 movies i gave a 1, the other 2 being "Time Runner" (1993) and "Cherry 2000" (1987)... It caused me physical pain to watch this awful piece of crap!! But i made it to the end! Although it took me almost 3 hours - i had to make pauses, because so much stupidity at once would've cause brain damage!!

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Ok sow it was a good movie is that what you are saying?

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>Like for example a sign on about every building and wall in Germany reading in >german 'Achtung - Hochspannung' ('Danger - High Voltage')!

Funny, this brings back very nice memories.
As "Achtung Hochspannung" got INDEED used by the Berlin radio station RIAS in the 1970s/80s for their excellent radio play series.

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I've seen far too many movies to label this as the worst movie ever made.

But it certainly ain't that good. All I can say... Seagal you were just fine when you were making sound enviro movies. But stop this european crapola. Return to New York.

---------------------------------
Books are meant to be read, if not, they'll die and so will we!

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How can anyone say this is the worst movie ever. any movie that steven segal is in is good no matter what. so what if you aren't used to these kinds of european movies. it's just a different background and scenery.

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Oh come on, people!
Look at the positive side of things, let the movie entertain you!
I had a really good laugh when watching this crappy piece of junk. It's so hilarious when "Ice-man Cool Mc Cool" Seagal (did you notice his name is "Jonathan Cold"? LOL) blows up some imaginary country thats supposed to be Germany.
Dirty, communist, run-down Germany. Wait, isn't the cold war over?

The funniest thing is how he (Mr. Cold, LOL) enters this other guy's mansion (I didnt bother to remember his name) and goes out of his way to make sure ALL of the 3000 submachine-gun-wielding guards are dead ... wait ... did I say submachine guns? Where are we? Some third world country where you can get an assault rifle for two bags of rice? HELLO? This is supposed to be Germany, you can't just buy an automatic weapon in a pawn shop here, let alone running around with it in public, even on private property.

And why weren't the police people doing anything to stop one of the suspicious-looking black guys (i kept confusing them ... or was there just one?) from driving his sports car across a major crime scene? Is the german police really that incompetent? I don't think so. What was the point of this guy being there, anyway? Couldn't he have conspired his ingenious diabolic plans somewhere else? Anywhere else? And did you see his license plates? HAHAHAHA! You could so see they were fake. CHEAP!

Anyway, here's some hints for Mr. Seagal and the other contributors to this masterpiece ... in case they are ever allowed to shoot a movie again:

- THE COLD WAR IS OVER

- Poland, France and Germany are progressive European countries with their own languages, people there do not have to speak to each other in bad English.

- Yes, EACH of the three countries has its own language

- While blowing things up is fun and sure looks cool, it does not replace a coherent storyline

- While the german word "Achtung" is a cool word and sure sounds german, a hundred signs with this word printed on them do not replace other, more needed, props

- Steven Seagal is not a handsome young man anymore

- Steven Seagal's coolness is not cool anymore, it's just funny (Try putting him in a comedy for a change!)

- Would someone please get Steven Seagal off of his artsy pseudo-esoteric ego trip?!

- Consider doing some research prior to the movie next time

This piece of art absolutely deserves to be among the bottom 100 movies - marvelous!

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I wouldn't go as far as to say that this is the worst movie ever. I wouldn't even go as far as to say that this is the worst Seagal movie ever. Did anyone see "Ticker" or "Out for a kill"? Those were complete crap! This is merely low budget direct to video no brain entertainment. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that it's a good movie. But if you accept it for what it is, then it isn't all bad. I thought it was hilarious that the bad guys were Danes. You don't see that too often!

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Dane here, representing :) !

I just watched it and MAN, was it good! I mean, yeah, if you have to be artsy-fartsy, then it might suck, but with some friends around, then it is just hilarious! I mean, the way that man can keep his facial expression for 1 and ½ hour straight - it's just amazing! And the one-liners, oh god, the one-liners! "I love a BBQ" - *beep* that was brilliant.

It rocks!

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This movie is just absolutely abysmal and if you want a "so bad it's good movie", go seek out a movie by Jim Wynorski or Yossi Wein. There is absolutely no way I could see this falling into "so bad it's good" territory, it's just a dreary, slow and pitiful mess of a movie that isn't remotely fun to watch at all.

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[deleted]

Worst movie? Come on, it isn't that bad. Certainly Seagal has done much worse and it isn't deserving of being in the bottom 100. I won't pay more than three bucks thirty for rental fees, though.

Have you seen Cabin Fever, The Village or The Good, The Bad and The Ugly in Italian without any English subtitles? That's worse. (I've got to revisit TGTBTU in English!)

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Hmm, yes terrible. I had a few drinks along the way. I guess that kept me from turning it off.

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One of my friends had bought this movie and I heard him telling his other friend how great this movie was. What should I say to him?

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Grzegorz Emanuel as Steven Seagal's look-alike? You gotta be >bleep<in' kiddin' me! Emanuel is blonde. Has that pock-marked face only mother would love. Well, maybe he's tall enough to match Seagal, but that's the only similarity we got here.
Lech Dyblik? JESUS HONKIN' CHRIST! That guy gets to play winos ONLY! He looks like a bleepin' BUM! The "stinky homeless guy with a cheap liquor bottle" type!
Mirek Zbrojewicz? The only "tough guy" we have? Ugly tough guy? Now imagine him doing a voiceover for Darth Vader. Argh. His best roles were in Lubaszenko's "gangster comedies".
And what the hell is Saleta doing there? It's as bad idea as Golota in that Van Damme movie...
And after that film, "Froggy" Velinov went on a "movie star" ego trip. He's a jerk anyway, but it'd be good to mention that.

Mike Sterling
Stupid movies can be fun...But not all of them.

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My fav. movie.

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Honestly, Seagal sings better than he acts.

Mike Sterling
Stupid movies can be fun...But not all of them.

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*beep* all you *beep* stop hating on seagal you jealous *beep*

have a coke and a smile and shut the *beep* up



thank you



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whats your *beep* problem, Segal's films suck. espesially this one, im surprised he hasnt started beating up penguins cus they are eating the fish...

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lol! that's a family guy episode!

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I'm wathcing it right now on Tv, and i have to say it is actually quite funny!.Its so cliched and ott! Fot instance the part i've just seen "Cold" is walking through a wooded area and three bad guys appear with rifles, he shoots two with a pistol and then the third RUNS AFTER HIM even though HE (cold)IS STANDING STILL (has the bad guy run and of bullets and planning to bludgen him to death?) neadless to say he shoots him once with a silenced pistol wich sends him somersaulting into a river :P

It also seems that they did'nt bother with any extras as virtually every scene (no matter how public the place) only features one of the main characters and the person thier shooting.




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A film has never been so eloquently expressed as in this classic of modern cinema, this giant amongst movies, the paragon of intelligence, fortitude, and decency. To call this movie a triumph is like calling Shakespeare mildly successful. Every move it attempts, it pulls off. A cinematic masterpiece. Bravo!!






LOL

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Yeah, this was a pretty bad movie. But didn't anyone find it hilarious how that one guy who would never die just kept on shooting people. Like I guess it was sort of cool how he shot the two guys in the restaurant. But then he sneaks up on the maid and shoots her before meeting the guy who wanted to talk to him. It was also funny how the guy goes "How did you know I wanted to see you?" Are people really that stupid? And then in the hotel, he shoots that girl just before he brings out a second gun, but get this, this second gun has a silencer. I mean, what, does he want to kill his enemy without letting anyone else find out? What, no one will notice the dead hotel girl? I wasn't that annoyed at watching this movie because the last Segal movie I saw was Belly of the Beast, which was just god awful. Anyways, just be thankful that not all new movies are like this.

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I was drunk when I watched this and it was a shame I could not drink enough to make this any better than the piece of crap that it was.

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[deleted]

Anyone who thinks this is bad should watch "The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies!!?"
I could'nt even sit through the mst3k version

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shat movie.

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