MovieChat Forums > Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter (2002) Discussion > Wonderful premise......terrib ly done.

Wonderful premise......terrib ly done.

posted 17 years ago by Lust_In_Phaze
17 replies | jump to latest

I watch bad movies. It's a lot of fun. Couple of friends, some beers, intertwine some videogames and you've got a solid night of entertainment. Recently I picked this up....I mean c'mon. Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter? How AMAZING can this movie possibly be?!

First off-
They "modernized" Jesus. Probably the biggest mistake they made for the whole film. "But we don't know what Jesus looked like back then...." Blah blah blah. Listen, the filmakers play to your expectation by utlitizing the socially accepted image of Jesus Christ. Beard, robe, sandals etc. For the love of God the box art for the DVD has him with full beard. Why? Because its an ACCEPTED version of Jesus. It would've been a million times funnier to see robed, bearded Jesus kicking the crap out of some vampires.

Next-
Pacing was off. Now, I COMPLETELY understand that this movie was supposed to be terrible. But you can make a really good terrible movie! Slither is a great example of a 'B' movie that does a great job of being good. There were so many useless scenes....the transvestite? why? We NEVER see this character again. Sure, its just part of the story. But why devote SO MUCH TIME to a scene that truly has no purpose other than showing that his wounds are treated? I was SO BORED for 3/4 of the movie.

And I guess I feel like I've wasted enough time writing this, and I don't feel like formulating what I want to say sooooo....
I hated the dubbing.
I hated the bearded dude.
The final scene with the light from the chest made no sense.

P.S. If you want to watch a great 'B' movie....check out Kibakichi. It'll blow your mind.

[–] Abnegatus 17 years ago

I must agree with you, I thought is was great for the fact that many of the characters did not fit into the typical roles (the priest with the hawk for one), but when they "modernized" Jesus...it literally killed the movie. After that event I could only take so much with the pace it was moving at...I still have to finish watching this movie (Only got about a third of the way through on multiple occasions).

[–] tommyabila 17 years ago

My dad grabbed this off Netflix because it sounded fun. Won all kinds of great awards, it's supposed to be a halfway decent movie. I expected it would be dumb and silly, but enjoyable...yeah...the priest with the...er...what was that? Liberty-hauk? Whatever. The priest with the wacko hair was fun, but when Jesus walked out of the tatto place and started singing, that was it. The fastest I've EVER stopped the disc, ejected it and sealed it back in it's netflix envelope. Zip. Movie was STUPID!

[–] nathan-blanton 13 years ago

LOL. I just did the exact same thing at the same spot! And came here to rant about how moronic a short haired Jesus is. I liked the liberty spike priest, but Jesus needs to look like a dirty hippy.

[–] letum89 17 years ago

I really enjoyed the movie, but I would agree with you. Modernizing Jesus was a huge mistake. Almost every scene would have been improved if the "modern" Jesus was replaced with how he looked at the beginning of the movie.

[–] apotheosis00 17 years ago

I can't ever recall a movie I've watched that's turned me off by wardrobe alone. I think you guys are being alittle extreme. I watched the entire movie, and it had some good points. Cheesy fights scenes, fun feel to it. Stopping it because he get's his head shaved seems kinda silly.

That's like ending Braveheart because Mel Gibson paints his face blue, arguing that it wasn't historically accurate or seemed inappropriate to the film.

[–] Xcalat3 17 years ago

I kind of agree I knew it was bad but still was expecting it to be more fun

4/10

I Worship The Goddess Amber Tamblyn

[–] DrSoloMan 17 years ago

I enjoyed it, you have to overlook the musical number to get through it really though. I liked the way several vampires turned up in the charity shop clothes that Jesus rejected druing his make-over though.

Where HAVE all the lesbians gone?

[–] rpepperpot 17 years ago

Worst. Movie. Ever. Although, I did get a kick out of the newspaper headline "Critical Lesbian Shortage." I mean, who would track that kind of information, and at what point does the shortage become "critical"? However, the stunned looks I get when I tell people I own it (on DVD even) are well worth the five bucks I paid. :-)

*Of course I'm out of my mind. It's dark and scary in there.*

[–] nightmarec7 16 years ago

Completely agree, I ended up renting it and watched up until just after Jesus changed his look, from that point on it ceased to be "Jesus Christ: vampire hunter" and became "some 20 something jackass: Vampire Hunter", the whole thing that would make this movie is its freakin Jesus! and if Jesus just looks like some dumbass college student the movie just doesn't have that appeal anymore.

[–] monsterman865 16 years ago

Seriously. The movie would be much better without the updating, but I actually think the musical number is really funny because it is out of no where.

It is cheap, it is TERRIBLE, but I think I've watched it 3 times because my friends have wanted to simply witness this movie (I bought it), it has grown on me. The energy and how you can tell mostly everybody is having a good time making the movie.

BUT THINK OUT MUCH MORE AWESOME THE SCENES WITH SANTOS WOULD HAVE BEEN!

'So Give Me A Stage Where This Bull Can Rage And Though I Could Fight I'd Much Rather Recite'

[–] madsketcher 16 years ago

This is definitely a love it or hate it film... I'm in the first camp. I just finished watching it on joox.net after seeing most (but not all of it) over 2 years ago. Drugs were not involved this time, and I still enjoyed the hell out of it. And as far as "poorly made", that is poppycock - this movie was *beep* AMBITIOUS. You can certainly tell that this movie took a long time to make, and that everyone was having a ball. It is exactly what it set out to be. It's clever, campy, well-directed and has a killer soundtrack by a very talented person. A lot of the humor is unspoken, subtle or indirect, yet it is ALL intentional. Those who get it are more than rewarded. It's not executed poorly; you're just not the right viewer for the film. I'd love to see it in a theater someday.

[–] Burntout 9 years ago

Exactly my thought process except I felt a bit cheated by the obvious budget constrictions and some padding issues and leaving some joke bits on for too long. I actually appreciated the direction and under the radar humor but I can't help but think of how much better this film could have been if it was directed by a cult director with access to money like Takashi Miike.

[–] nxgn_not_not 15 years ago

agapay
O I have a sense of humor
but I'm a little different
from U
This did not werk 4 me
U may have liked it as much as I didn't

there R some great things coming out of Can-nad-duh

but 2 me this wasn't 1 of them

Maybe they will
do besser next time

Servadoo 122112 Billabong Mooch