Philosophical Questions concerning 'Absolon'
I rented this movie on DVD and while watching it i hardly couldn`t believe my eyes. While the movie played i surfed on imdb and checked the rating and user comments and was absolutely desperate. I said to myself: Could this movie be the most misrated one? Maybe for all times? World-wide? So i decided to start this new thread to explain evrything to everybody.
At first: "Absolon" is a very good example of a film which had a bad marketing. The movie is no sci-fi-thriller or so, it is a pure horror-movie. The subtext is as follows: Christopher Lambert plays a zombie, who is very sad, because he doesn`t understand how to handle his answering machine. Lou Diamond Philips plays a vampire who is colorblind and very jealous of his boss ("Ron Perlman"), which is a werewolf with a crush on bad smelling perukes. The female mutant-lead-role is executed by Kelly Brook: she is cross-eyed and wants everybody to believe she has four breasts and knows how to spell the word "molecule". The plot has almost no hole, which means: the plot consists of so many twists that you can`t hold your breathe . The script is very well thought of(considering the fact that writer Brad Mirman has written it during a rollercoaster trip in Disneyland) and the directing is exquisit, especially when you think of the fact that director David Barto passed his kindergarden-exam in 2001 with a B-. The intention of the producers was clear: while A-movies are too expensive to make, B-movies not proficient enough, why not establish a category C-Movie, so that everybody is disencouraged to do it even more worse? "Absolon" raises a lot of claims: 1.to invent the most ridicolous bad guys 2.to shoot the worst car chase in film history 3.to contain dialogues like before the invention of grammar 4.a showdown which can`t get downer than you will be, while watching it.
It`s definitively a must-have-seen for all who are waiting for their execution: The chances are very good that they won`t have to sustain the happy end, which is...but see for yourself.
The only question is: Why are the actors only faking they were totally stoned? I propose a remake with a director who has the courage to stone his cast really. What? They were? Oh....i, see.
I give that movie 100 out of 10.