Cheating is ok? - A Guy Thing (2003) Discussion

[–] ohmyhead 16 years ago

Well, lots to cover here.

The 50% divorce rate is not due to movies involving cheating and bachelor parties. It is due to the natural instinct of the human being to NOT be monogamous as well as the also seemingly natural instinct of the human being to pick the wrong partner. Plus everything gets old. Everything.

My bachelor party was a joke, but I got married in college and my so-called dorm friends didn't know their ass from a hole in the ground, so we got a keg. Until an RA found it and poured it down a drain. Woooooo, parTAY!

Now, let's talk about strippers. Contrary to popular belief, most strippers are NOT whores. Whores are whores, and the kind of "entertainers" you get for a bachelor party who will bang the groom to be and/or everyone at the party are whores, not strippers. Strippers take off their clothes and dance. I have personally escorted many dancers to bachelor parties and the first order of business is to inform all the drunks that if anyone lays a finger, tongue, or anything else on the dancer, she will get dressed and we will LEAVE. No refund. Screwing a stripper is NOT a standard for bachelor parties that hire a stripper. It may be if they get some skanky escort to put on a show and them blow everyone in the rest room of the hall they rent. And even then, if the groom's future father-in-law is invited, no way the groom is getting any. Want to see a fun bachelor party film? Watch "Beer League" with Arty Lang. Sorry, had to include this part, it is a sensitive personal issue.

Now here's where the hypocritical part comes in. If you have in your mind a future of marital bliss with the man you love (I am assuming from your post and username that you are female), but you won't allow your man to have "one last fling" before he commits THE REST OF HIS LIFE to having sex with ONLY you (the idea that you are any kind of kinky or open-minded sexually doesn't come into play I'm guessing), it's kind of disheartening and, well, unfair. But of course, if you were to request that I not mind if you bone some manwhore at your bachelorette party, I'd probably have a problem with that. :D

But I guess the short answer to your post's question of "Cheating is ok?" is...yes. But only if you don't get caught. ;)

Have a nice day, see a movie!

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[–] jacowium 15 years ago

Absolutely marvellous post, ohmyhead.

It's easy to see that you have life experience, and have learnt that the so-called "moral high ground" is nothing but an illusion (in general).

Now I wish I have something to add to the debate, but you've pretty much covered it all!

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[–] ohmyhead 15 years ago

Thank you for your kind words. I was hoping to hear back from the OP, but, like your reply, that is so rare here, it was the falsest of hopes. Perhaps an update? Did they get married? Are they divorced yet? Did the Best Man hire a whore or a stripper? What does the OP look like in a t-bar? Did she bone a manwhore at her party? Who got the STD? Was it spread to the other? You know, stuff that needs to be told.

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[–] jacowium 15 years ago

Ha ha! Judging by what happened to some of the most prudish girls I went to school with, once they'd left home and discovered a bit of freedom, the answer to a few of your questions may well be "yes"!

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[–] unreal_boy4924 13 years ago

It is due to the natural instinct of the human being to NOT be monogamous

This is pure horsesh!t. Last time I heard that, it was from a jacka$$ who had just cheated on his gf. Three months later she dumped the retard and he was crying like a wuss.

The fact is you can't compare animals who struggle every day with INSTINCTS while human have a consciousness, emotions and a long term memory.

Until I see a CONCLUSIVE research on the matter, I will not believe it, but being the kind of guy everyone listens, I will always suggest dumping a partner who says\thinks this PURE UNPROVEN crap.

Anyone who thinks like me (including MANY psychologists that I've read) will however say that an affair occurs when one partner has poor or no crysis-management skills (either with fighting with the spouse, your own feelings, career or anything that reflects on a relationship somehow), which is inevitably from caring more about his (or her) self than your surrounding.

Plus everything gets old. Everything.

Yeah... If I were you, I'd be concern about my sexuality. If everything gets old, you might be an homosexual who needs a new partner to hide his "other" attractions he gets when in a long term relationship OR you simply are self-loathing yet narcissistic self-centered mama's boy who can't have a healthy relationship with women.

before he commits THE REST OF HIS LIFE to having sex with ONLY you

First, I'll start off with something superficial. If your spouse's body does not satisfy you in EVERY way from the get go (you don't like her breast, legs, butt, etc) you should NOT marry her. Fact is every one has different tastes, and you should NEVER EVER be a settler (which you, and many more, seem to be).

With that being said and hopefully done, it should not be hard for even ONE second to see yourself having sex with one partner for the rest of your life.

Being a very secured person (with my body and my personality), I have a VERY hard time understanding the OBSESSION with people like you to have contact with as MANY GENITAL ORGANS POSSIBLE.

They're all the same, so how about you find one that you are perfectly attracted to?

short answer to your post's question of "Cheating is ok?" is...yes. But only if you don't get caught. ;)

Im gonna go out on a limb here, but you are probably a 35-45 average looking man who got marry a bit too fast (that's what you think) and got a divorce from a wife who you seemed to have nothing in common in the end.

Seriously, you sound like a misogynist.

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[–] ohmyhead 13 years ago

Well, it's nearly three years later, and there have been some pretty significant changes in my life since I wrote what you've commented on here.

My first thought while reading your reply was how angry you seem to be. I wondered why you are so angry. I wondered if I could help in any way to ease your pain, to calm your turmoil. I wondered who had hurt you either recently or long ago, if at all. I wished they hadn't done that. Then I thought it might just be passion. You are passionate about what you are saying and I am confusing your ire and rudeness for passion. Can't blame you for being passionate, can I! I can't really blame you for anything, you are simply speaking your mind. And behind the veil of a message board, you can be as "passionate" as you like.

Once upon a time, I would have addressed each of your points, hopefully with some clarification on my part, or perhaps even retract something I said. I might also mix in some insults of my own, sling my own mud so to speak. But I'm not that person any more. I may not be the person you think I am, but I'm happy with me today. I'm even happy with you, for reading my words, having them affect you in this way, and sharing your feelings with us here.

I will say that my "only if you don't get caught" line was purely for comedic effect. I apologize if you didn't find that at all funny. I will also say that you can come in from out on that limb. A) It's not safe, and B) I do not intend to confirm or deny your theories on my age, marital status, or physical appearance. Maybe if we were friends I would. Wanna be friends? You sound interesting. :)

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[–] b-rad 16 years ago

I'm with you, cheating isn't right.

Even if we men may have a propensity for cheating, that doesn't make it right. And just because so many people may do it, that doesn't make it right. Unless you believe in moral relativism, and everyone defines his own right and wrong. But all we get then is a society-no, it's not a society, it's an anarchy-in which the strong oppress the weak and unprotected.

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[–] melacynthe 15 years ago

Cheating isn't okay, and bachelor party movies aren't in any way responsible for the divorce rate. Neither are violent video games responsible for murder, or pornos responsible for rapists.

Too many people are in a rush to get married to someone, anyone at all, getting married before they know each other well enough to be sure that they mean it, and as time drags on and on and on realizing that they don't get along with much less like their partner.

Then again, I'd rather allow my partner to indulge than have to sneak around or lie.

I'm allergic to Homophobes, they make me break out in a rant.

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[–] gldrgidr-1 15 years ago

This thread might be more meaningful if the groom-to-be in this movie, actually did cheat. He didn't!!! He was so drunk that he passed out before anything happened.
Watch more than 10 minutes of the movie next time.

Too much, too soon, too long, too strong, too many,
to fix.

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[–] melacynthe 15 years ago

I'm not sure passing out before anything can happen really changes much for most people, given the fact that if he'd stayed awake he would've followed through.

Also... Its been a while since I've seen the movie, but I thought he caught crabs? Granted, I know nothing about that (knock on wood) but I assumed that meant that something had happened and she just lied to make him feel better.

I'm allergic to Homophobes, they make me break out in a rant.

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[–] gldrgidr-1 15 years ago

I'm not sure passing out before anything can happen really changes much for most people, given the fact that if he'd stayed awake he would've followed through.

Also... Its been a while since I've seen the movie, but I thought he caught crabs? Granted, I know nothing about that (knock on wood) but I assumed that meant that something had happened and she just lied to make him feel better.

That's rediculous. You have to be a woman. A guy is guilty whether he did it or not, because you assume he would have done it.
He was so drunk he didn't know what he was doing and didn't remember anything. You still blame him even if nothing happened? The Julia Stiles character was the one who was guilty. She knew how drunk he was and took him home anyway.

The only thing he was guilty of, was getting drunk at the party.

He got the crabs from a public toilet. This is shown in the movie. We clearly see another guy with crabs coming out of the toilet he is about to enter.

Too much, too soon, too long, too strong, too many,
to fix.

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[–] melacynthe 15 years ago

I am a woman, yes... but I specifically stated "most people", thats not my personal opinion but it is how many women would think. Seriously, if you go home with someone, you know that there's a high chance of it ending in bed and chances are thats why you went with them. Lots of people do believe that considering cheating is still cheating, and passing out before he could actually do anything about it wouldn't change the way those people would feel about it.

Being drunk is never a valid excuse.

Me, I don't do the monogomy thing, so in that situation there would have been no drama as long as protection was used. Hell, if I ever get married, I fully expect that one or both of us will end up having a 'last fling' before the wedding. I also fully expect that he would have strippers and whatnot, cause thats part of the point of a bachelor party... One last wild night.

As to the crabs thing, like I said... I haven't seen the movie in a while and couldn't remember. That would be why it was phrased as a question.

I'm allergic to Homophobes, they make me break out in a rant.

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[–] ss97-1 15 years ago

Yeah the crabs from the toilet seat got him.........he didn't cheat.

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[–] takiko-1 15 years ago

Wow, I had to look up that crabs STD and a toilet seat matter. It can happen, even if the site says it's a small chance.

http://www.sexualityandu.ca/faqs/index_e.aspx?cid=13

Do you have any information on pubic lice or 'crabs'?

Pubic lice are parasites, requiring a host animal in order to survive. They may be transmitted sexually or by simple person-to-person contact. They may also be transmitted through infected clothing or bedding, and very rarely by infected toilet seats. Remember that they are parasites and need a living host. Survival on a toilet seat would be short lived. Pubic lice are different than head and body lice. They can be passed on as long as the lice or eggs remain alive on the infested person. ...

Just for those people that want to know.

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[–] Timescrew 14 years ago

Although he might have gotten the crabs from the toilet seat, it is more likely he got it from shaking the guy's hands.

As he (Jason Lee) walked into the bathroom, the sloppy looking dude came out of the stall, grabbed his hand and congratulated him, then started scratching his crotch vigorously. You can see Jason Lee wiping his hand on his chest in revulsion, but that alone would not remove the parasites.

Moral of this story here:
1) Make sure you wash your hands throughly each time you use the restroom.
2) Do not make physical contact with a person who does not share the same sanitary regards as you.
3) Always use toilet seet covers.

There is no flavor text!

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[–] ExplosiveSheep 15 years ago

I felt the same way about this concept, not to mention The Devil Wears Prada. That thing was billed as a romantic comedy by some. A) No romance, B) No moral lesson C) no comedy unless you find anorexia/bulemia hilarious. Sometimes I do, but that movie wasn't one of those times.

This movie straight up needed better plot.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I can't tell you what comes next.

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[–] takiko-1 15 years ago

Perhaps the studio didn't want to put it as "drama" since it loses a selling point. There was romance though, even if it wouldn't what would fall under romantic comedy. (And I think there are probably bunches of romantic comedies that got that label and yet aren't necessarily humorous to everybody.) Paris is romantic. And "moral lesson"? There was a story with Miranda and Andy even if it isn't a "moral" one and although I've heard someone say Andy didn't change, I wouldn't say the Andy at the end isn't the same one at the beginning. As if anyone like Andy could deal with Miranda for months have stayed unchanged.

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[–] crowquill 14 years ago

While I'm sure the OP will never read this as it's been so long, I've read this thread and I'm sure others will too.

I'm guessing that the divorce rate is so high not because movies (or society) encourages cheating but more that people rush into marriage. It's ironic that this is brought up in a message board for this movie. What do you think Paul and Karen's chance of a long, successful marriage would have been? Sometimes second thoughts about getting married are founded. While most of the jokes revolved around his bachelor party night, I definitely wouldn't say it glorified it.

I think most bachelor parties are "...a party, where you go out & get sh_t faced, live it up and celebrate", but with strippers. Screwing a stripper is not standard for bachelor parties.

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[–] Howlin Wolf 13 years ago

These things happen; doesn't make it OK or advisable, but if movies featured people who only ever made good decisions, then they wouldn't be very realistic, now would they?!

I'm sure there are guys (and girls!) out there who think that it's OK and no big deal - possibly even some of the people who made this movie... You aren't in that camp, and that's fair enough, but stories should be told from all viewpoints and not be too concerned with morals. It is a movie after all, and not a guide on how to live your life!

This is where the magic happens... and by "magic", I mean nothing.