drop your favorite quotes - George Carlin: Complaints & Grievances (2001) Discussion

I bet you that ten times out of ten, Nicky, Vinny and Tony will beat the sh*t out of Todd, Kyle and Tucker!

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[about people who wear visors]Let me ask you something... What the f*ck is the point in wearing half a hat? No one's interested in the top of your head! Go back to the store and tell them to give you the rest of the hat! They cheated you. Better still, get yourself one of those little Jewish hats, and sew it to your visor. Then, you got yourself a full-fledged f*cking hat, my friend.

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[–] rammakin 19 years ago

I've never f'd a 10 - but one night I f'd 5 2's!! I think that should count for something!

Or the ever classic...

Whenever I'm in an accident, I leave. The last thing the police need is two conflicting stories, they have enough to worry about! Someone just got hit by a car here!!

When someone else is an accident, I STOP!

Anyone who runs...is a VC
Anyone who stands still...is a well-disciplined VC

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[–] Lunar_Pilgrim 19 years ago

About time I got around to this.

"Hey Mr. & Mrs. Natural Fibres! It's not camping equipment, it's a baby. Touch the little prick now & then. He'll thank you for it someday. These are the same people who sort their garbage, jog with their dogs & listen to STEELY DAN. Ya know? You'd just like to take 'em out in the forest & beat them with a wooden cooking spoon."

"Grow up BillyJoeBobCarlDannyFrank!"

"Someone else is injured? I wanna take a look!"

"So I call her up ya know. She hangs up on me. & she calls me BACK. I *beep* hang up again."

"[answering machine messages done by kids] Aw. & ya can't understand a word of it 'cause the kid's a *beep* imbecile. HI MY NAME IS STACY I'M 5 YEARS OLD MY MOMMY & DADDY AREN'T HOME BADDAYIIIDADABAAYAADIIYYAYAYAADADE BEEEEEEEEEEEEEP

Here's my message Stacy. I'm comin' over to your house with a big knife..."

"Who's this? Louanne is 12 this year, *beep* LOUANNE. Does she have any tits yet??! Send me a picture of Louanne's tits."

*beep* Tucker. Tucker sucks."

*beep* Brad & everyone who looks like Brad."
===============================================================================
The tree that does not branch, hides rot within.

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[–] Isaac5855 18 years ago

Thanks for reminding of these classic moments. I'm still laughing after reading your post. I want to go watch it again now.

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[–] Emperor_Rawk_the_Chicken 19 years ago

"And I'll give you a practical reason not to stop. You need a practical reason? If you DO stop, sooner or later the police are gonna show up. Is that what you want?"

[regarding the first three commandments]: "Spooky language. SPOOKY LANGUAGE --- designed to scare and control primitive people."

"'Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's goods.' This one is just plain *beep* stupid. Coveting your neighbor's goods is what keeps the economy going!"

"'How's that science project coming along, Justin?'
*beep* you, Dad.'"

"It's bad enough the music sucks, but with no last name you can't even find out where they live to throw a *beep* bomb through their window! It's frustrating."

"Taylor, Tyler, Jordan, Flynn: These are NOT REAL NAMES!"

"Look at that, Sugar Lips! That's his rib cage sticking out of the glove compartment. Thank you, officer; that will be all now. You can throw him back on the pile."

"Here's another pack of jackoffs who oughta be strangled in front of their children...."

"Here are some more musical vermin whose mothers we wish had had medical plans that included abortion...."

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[–] SunNumberOne 14 years ago

"And I'll give you a practical reason not to stop. You need a practical reason? If you DO stop, sooner or later the police are gonna show up. Is that what you want?"

My favorite bit of this special directly follows your quote I believe, so I will finish it off:

"...is that what you want? Filling out useless forms, standing around answering a bunch of foolish questions? Lying to the authorities???"

LOL...

Also later when he says "excuse me officer, would you mind dragging that twisted looking chap over a little closer to the car? My wife's never seen someone bent that way!!"

Mr. Pink: You shoot anybody?
Mr. White: A few cops.
Mr. Pink: No real people?

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[–] MisterWhiplash 19 years ago

"'well, you know what my daddy used to say? My daddy used to say blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blahb-blahb-blahb'" "Oh he did? Oh well, wasn't that *beep* enlightening. My daddy used to say *beep* YOUR DADDY! *beep* your daddy and his wrinkled, rustic, rural, country *beep*

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[–] andycool24 19 years ago

"Hi, I'm Wayne, wanna buy a gun? Bang baaaaaaang!"

"F u c k Tucker, Tucker sucks."

"Hi, what's your name? Taaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahd! And this is Blaine, and Cody, and Cameron, and Dillon...."

"Louanne is 12 this year. F u c k Louanne. Does she have any t i t s yet?" LMAO!!!

LOL this guy is freaking' hilarious. I have this one on tape, but I haven't seen it in a while, so I can't remember much, or the exact words.

My favorite Carlin show is probably Carlin at Carnegie. The list of dirty words is incredibly funny.

This is my signature, nice eh?

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[–] tmanager 18 years ago

lol u guys got em pretty good, GC is just the best, soooooo funny.

--
It's the cadaver, the cadaver!
What's it doing in there?!
I don't know, it sounds sore!

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[–] cylindroid 17 years ago

"These are the same people who sort their garbage, jog with their dog and listen to Steely Dan. I'd just like to take them out deep into the forest and disembowel them with a wooden cooking spoon."

Hilarious!!

and another one of the my favorite quotes is:
"Proud parents, what kind of empty people need to validate themselves through the achievements of their children? How's it like to have to live with a couple of these misfits? 'How's that science project coming along, Justin?' *beep* you, dad. You simple minded prick, mind your own business and pass the Cheerios!'

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[–] Chefaid87 14 years ago

his entire lis of people who should die is 1 of his best bits of his entire career.

My name is BUCK
and i love to PARTY

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