Things I learned from White Oleander...
1) Construction sites are a fantastic place to lose the virginity
share2) Shoving cocaine up your nose hurts Jesus.
3) It's hard to cut hair with a pocketknife.
4) It's perfectly normal to sit on the ledge of a tall building, then grab your daughter and yank her towards you so she can sit beside you.
5) Don't flirt with your foster father because you might piss off your foster mother.
6) Cartoons are not art.
7) The music for the theatrical trailer was stolen from The Shawshank Redemption.
8) If you suspect that your foster child is trying to steal your boyfriend, just shoot her.
9) Talking to a prisoner might drive you into a divorce, and into suicide.
10)In New York there is no chance at all that you will find a better girl than the one in LA that never responds your love letters.
11) apartments for poor artist kids are abundant and huge!! complete with live in studio.
12) it is always easy to run away from group homes and they will let you return at any time!
13) Anyone including recovering addicts who are unstable, and suicidal actresses, ex strippers who live in *beep* trailers, and immigrants looking for day laborers for her garbage digging/ garbage selling "business" can take in foster children. No home checks or guidelines necessary.
14) Don't give your new foster sister a blank stare unless your ready to be compared to her trashy ass.
15) It's okay to flirt with older men if you've never had a father figure.
16)Stripper clothes are okay to wear and buy for your foster kids, as long as you talk about Jesus prior to arrival.
17) If you're beautiful, prison is gonna agree with you. Even if your face looks like you got beat down.
18) Awkwardly cutting your hair with a dull pocket knife will make mexican girls talk crap about you, but using said blade to threaten one of their lives will make them not wanna jump you anymore.
19) If your visiting the mother of your adoptive child in jail and she convinces you that your husband is probably having an affair your best bet is to make plans to send the child back to Child Services and then overdose on pills.
20)One way or another, men will always make a woman self-destruct and do irrational things.