Most women, young women rather, notice red flags from men that needed to be put on check before things go boom but they're goal is "to change them".
Or maybe they notice the red flags, but rather than encourage women to trust their own judgement and listen to their instincts, everything and everyone around them tells them that they're just being "paranoid". Women are not allowed to be even a
little paranoid; rather, women are expected to be the caretakers of a relationship - and when they're not the caretakers in the relationship, it becomes a justification for an abuser to become "angry, paranoid and 'abusive'".
It's not a woman's goal to "change them"; it's
your goal (and expectation) for a woman to "change them". You have
clearly stated that a woman is responsible for a man's behavior. You have
clearly stated that "
guys go crazy" if a woman doesn't "show them enough love". You have said that you "don't blame" a man for it when he "goes crazy" and that you "
understand" a man who becomes "
angry, paranoid and abusive". How did you come to this "understanding", exactly?
For future reference, anger and paranoia are a part of an abuser's arsenal of psychological control and intimidation, and an abuser will use these tools to their full advantage in breaking down the integrity and the boundaries of the person they have targeted for abuse.
Most women, young women rather
Abusers target young women because they are likely more vulnerable than older and more experienced women who've learned to recognize the warning signs of abuse patterns, and at a much earlier stage. Having said that, though, abuse can happen to anyone, young or old, men or women, and it is never the fault of the victim. Abusers can smell vulnerability, and exploiting vulnerability - well, that is, after all, what they
do.
[A man abusing a woman for "not loving him enough"] is not a solution but its understandable why it happens and I dont blame them.
You don't blame a man for letting his own violent emotions control his behavior, yet you blame a woman when a man emotionally manipulates and physically intimidates her into accepting her abuse? Gee, I guess it's really true that there are always "
two sides to a story" - so long as
both of them are yours.
So why ever on earth should any woman pay attention to red flags, when there are experts like you standing there and telling her that the real problem is she's "not showing him enough "love""?
Maybe she's not showing him enough love because she doesn't love him. And maybe she doesn't love him because he punishes her when she goes at her own emotional pace. Maybe she's noticed that he's just a bit too hyper when he's "proving his love" - and it's starting to freak her out. Maybe she's starting to realize that this love of his has nothing to do with her as a person, and everything to do with receiving an emotional performance of love from her;
even if she does not authentically feel that love.Do you understand what I'm saying to you. I'm telling you that women are people, not dispensers.
What are you even doing here?
The women doesn't show it as much as they do and then that drives the guys crazy.
Yeah - it drives the
entitled guys"crazy" - when they reckon they're not being given what they think they're "owed".
No one owes them love. No one owes them sex. No one owes them their time or attention - and if someone seems to be growing distant from them, maybe it's because that person is starting to pay more attention to those red flags and are putting two and two together. You know, that really does drive abusers "crazy". When an abuser's entitlement is challenged, and they start being seen for who they really are, it's time for them to panic.
But what I think you need to do is stop thinking out loud and figuring everything out as you go along - because you are making a victim-blaming fool out of yourself.
**Have an A1 day**
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