What Felix the Cat teaches us

Feel free to add to the list I'm starting here...

1) Felix' bag of tricks is magic and can do anything.
2) It's probably not a good idea to ignore keep-away signs in the vicinity of a scary-looking scientific fortress.
3) The Professor may be ingenious and inventive, but he's even more clumsy and incompetent than Doctor Evil.
4) A scary-looking guard robot is too stupid to tell the difference between a gnarled, white-haired old man and a little black cat.
5) Felix' bodyguard is a female kangaroo who lives inside his magic bag.
6) Righty-o!
7) The Professor made a boo-boo! The Professor made a boo-boo! The Professor made a boo-boo!
8) In the 1950s, ordinary telephones could make calls to satellites orbiting the planet. You just had to specify that you were calling long distance.
9) Being kidnapped by a mad scientist, locked in a satellite and shot into orbit, causes you to be regarded as an international hero.
10) Eskimos throw the best parties in the world, and a sperm whale with an apple in the mouth is the most desirable dish.
11) When a sweet, bearded old lady hands you a congratulatory bouquet, you should probably check for large firecrackers inside of it.
12) Felix is a saintly cat who will save the life of his worst enemy.
13) If a little boy is balding and has a white mustache from the time he's an infant, he will grow up to be an evil genius.
14) If you detonate a large stink bomb, you'd better move to Mexico the next day.
15) The greatest scientific discovery in history was How To Cook Pizza.
16) Turning diamonds into jellybeans is a sound, advisable economic venture.
17) Felix can be converted from solid to liquid form and retain consciousness and intelligence.
18) The Professor almost had Felix but, phooey, he got away.
19) How To Fool Your Friends In A Monkey Suit is not a worthy pastime for evil geniuses.
20) A little old man can easily disguise himself as a giant 90-foot-long dinosaur.
21) If you want to trap your archnemesis, pretend you're a giant monster who comes from a broken home, and he'll take pity on you.
22) It's not the catacombs, it's the catapult.
23) It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you play the game.
24) Felix' bag doesn't work all of a sudden when he's becalmed on a raft at sea, even though he just used it as a mini airplane to escape from the giant dinosaur and will later use it as a submarine to cross a lake.
25) Rock Bottom is strong and mean, but really dumb.
26) Museum guards don't fall for the Trojan Horse bit.
27) Felix' uncle is a British detective.
28) Organised crime's best plan ever was to corner the rubber toy market.
29) The bakshees-dollars exchange rate is pretty lousy to the distress of the bakshee enthusiast.
30) Ravens steal anything that glitters and leave a bright object in it's place, note the inappropriate apostrophe.
31) Instant Money is a form of counterfeiting.
32) If you want a job as a babysitter, you should look for employment by the psychotic megalomaniacal a**hole who has repeatedly been trying to kill you during the past several months.
33) Fortunately, said a**hole has retired and completely forgotten that he wants to kill you for your all-powerful magic bag--at least until it becomes convenient for a future story arc.
34) There's no fuel like an old fuel.
35) The Professor likes to go out to watch the wrestling--I mean, the opera!
36) Mary, Mary quite contrary, how does your garden glow? With sodium glare in the ionosphere, and satellites all in row!
37) Don't drink what Poindexter offers you.
38) Amoebas' bodies are simple, but cute as a dimple, they multiply by dividing.
39) Even microscopic slides are home to psychotic a**holes.
40) Gulpo was king of the microscopic slide, but swallowed his entire kingdom along with the rest of the microscope.
41) Don't let a giant evil amoeba drink something that makes him even bigger.
42) Gulpo sure abdicated in a hurry.
43) A cycloctron is an atom smasher.
44) Little boys are not allowed to build atom smashers.
45) NASA wasted millions of dollars on its Apollo programs which ultimately got Neil Armstrong to the Moon, when they could have gotten a little boy with an erector set to do it in one night.
46) Poindexter's flying "saucer" looks more like Aladdin's lamp.
47) Outer space has breathable air so that you can shout for help.
48) So does the surface of the Moon, but there's nothing to eat there.
49) Blood is thicker than H2-O--that's water!
50) The Moon has a tropical rainforest but it's not ON the Moon, it's IN the Moon.
51) If a large insect picks your friend up and kisses him in a gross way, you should put on your sternest expression and say "Now you stop that, Mr. Insect!" But there's no guarantee that it will work.
52) The Master Cylinder is an even scarier psychotic a**hole scientist than the Professor. (See also 56.)
53) Poindexter's button can accomplish whatever the plot calls for.
54) The Master Cylinder's magnet attracts two biological creatures, but does not attract metal.
55) It only takes a few hours for one man to pilot a ship from the Earth to the Moon.
56) The Professor was the Master Cylinder's mentor, which explains their shared psychosis and some other things.
57) If you are a greedy enough a**hole, you can survive getting killed in a chemistry lab accident by being resurrected as a cyborg.
58) To shut off the Master Cylinder's power supply, you just have to pull the plug, and you don't have to worry that he might unleash lethal traps to prevent this, or even sing "Daisy, Daisy."
59) When the Professor says he's going to an important scientific conference, he's really going to watch a new movie at the Bijou.
60) You should always accept an offer to apprentice your nephew to the psychotic cybernetic a**hole who held both of you and the servant as hostages just a few weeks ago.
61) The Crab Nebula is between Earth and Venus.
62) Venus has a tropical rainforest which looks exactly like the one inside the Moon.
63) The Professor's mustache is detachable.
64) The Master Cylinder can't be trusted to honor financial agreements.
65) You'll never know what it feels like to be whacked in the head with a prisoner's iron ball, unless you've had the same experience.
66) If a cute little alien comes to visit you, and he's really hungry, get the *beep* out of there!
67) Rock Bottom isn't very good in the kidnapping business.
68) Martin the Martian will come to the rescue whenever Felix' magic bag and Poindexter's button are not available.
69) Martin the Martian is not to be confused with Marvin the Martian who causes trouble for Bugs Bunny.