Scootergirl, you are simultaneously 100% right and 100% wrong.
A kinky person (male or female, gay or straight) who has a 'Dominant' or 'Sadistic' orientation may indeed be an abuser. They may care nothing for others and only wish to gratify themselves regardless of the damage they do to others. If they can exploit any human being to fulfil their sexual fantasies they will do so.
But in the overwhelming majority of cases, they are NOT abusers, and would take strong exception to being labelled as such.
There is an excellent book which should be of some interest to you, 'The Bus-Stop Killer' by Geoffrey Wansall. This is the story of Levi Bellfield, the notorious West London serial-killer and a key chapter is entitled 'The Master And His Slaves'. Bellfield had a regular partner with whom he fathered several children, but he also had a harem of women under his thumb that he set up with apartments and vehicles that he rented under their names with money he earned from his involvement in the drug trade.
Bellfield's official job was running security in several venues in Richmond and Hounslow and he presented himself as a 'gentle giant' who disliked violence and 'only got rough as a last resort'. His typical tactic was to move in on a vulnerable woman and offer to 'protect' her from a troublesome boyfriend. After that, it was a case of frying pans and fires, and these women were trapped in a situation where Bellfield kept them terrorised and subjugated, using their apartments and vehicles as cover on those frequent occasions when the police wished him to 'assist with their inquiries'.
One of the girls Bellfield abducted, raped and murdered was 13-year old schoolgirl Milly Dowler, who's body was not found for several months. Though she was not his last victim, she WAS the last case that he was tried for. Though his client was already serving Life w/o Parole for other murders, Bellfield's lawyer argued that as Milly's father Bob read spanking magazines, and was established to have used the services of professional 'Subs', then he should be considered a viable alternative suspect in his daughter's death.
The jury rejected this without hesitation, and Bellfield was sentenced to Life w/o Parole for the second time.
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