The marriage was arranged, right? It seemed like Aditi and her fiancee hadn't met before in the scene where she's all in white and they put on their rings. I guess it surprised me because the family seemed really modern, and Aditi and he both had had experiences of being in love before (at least he had) so why marry someone you hardly know and don't even love?
Please feel free to correct me on anything as I'm not familiar with the traditions.
Arranged marriage in its many forms is very much present in modern Indian life. And it's not this scary, forced practice done by the uneducated as I know most Westerners assume it to be. It's young people who haven't found the right person and who want to settle down making a decision that their families will set them up with someone who is suited to them. Aditi had the last say in who she would marry, but she probably had not met him in person because he was abroad. Likely, she had spoken to him on the phone and saw a photo or something. I'm not saying forced marriage don't exist, but there is a difference between forced and arranged marriage. My family is about 75% arranged and 25% love marriage, but none of them were forced and all the people involved are college educated professionals. If you have more questions, feel free to ask.
shareEven the most modern looking Indian families arrange marriages to their children, mostly to keep the wealth and the caste-system within, so don't get misled by their modern appearances.
shareCaste system? In this age?
shareUnfortunately it still exists among some families.
Salad or Liver? What would it be?
most families..
shareYes we are still very much into arranged marriages and the caste system.
My marriage was arranged and i grew to love my husband very very much. we were both born in London and educated here.
If your parents dont know whats best for you, then who does?
No one i know has been forced into marriage, some of my cousins are still considering suitors introduced by their families and others are finding their own suitors, within the caste system.
Nothing forced here. As for marrying someone you dont love....well my parents love each other v much and they only met on the day they got married...same with my aunts and uncles.
Love will grow and blossom......it has happened before, and it will continue to happen for generations.
I see arranged marriages as positive and will be doing it for my all daughters, who are all born and bred in the western world.
"If your parents dont know whats best for you, then who does?"
Uh...you?!?
I think that arrange marriages couldn't work for Americans because there is no set values system here.
I don't see anything wrong with arranged marriages at all. If it were an option for my daughter I would do it, but within American culture, it would never work. At least in India there are certain cultural practices rooted in their faith (that is more of a lifestyle and not simply a belief system) that bonds regions or communities together.
It's expected that one would be educated and have a career prior to pursuing marriage, plus the morals and values that are stressed upon in Indian culture make it easier for parents and relatives to help a boy or girl find a good spouse. They pretty much know what they are getting because the community is so tight-knit; and if there's anything bad about that person, you will hear about it.
In America, so many people lack morals and don't adhere to any kinds of values system, even when claiming Christianity. So it's hard to know what kind of person parents would be choosing for their children because they don't know for sure if a person they have picked has adhered to any values system and don't take the time to investigate. Also we have this idea that we don't want our parents and our communities in our business so if there is something wrong with the person you are choosing, no one will be honest and tell you, or if people tries to warn someone about a person they person dating, they don't want to listen. Americans are all about keeping their relationships private, but to a fault.
Americans don't take the time to investigate the background of the people they date or marry. They just take the person at face value. Indians take the time to investigate people prior to marriage and have the assistance of relatives and the community to ensure a good match. That's why Indian arranged marriages are more successful than American love marriages.
> Americans don't take the time to investigate the background of the people they date or marry. They just take the person at face value. Indians take the time to investigate people prior to marriage and have the assistance of relatives and the community to ensure a good match. That's why Indian arranged marriages are more successful than American love marriages. <
Regarding the first sentence, anybody who has a high amount of wealth (like only a huge company) would probably have the person they are about to marry investigated, probably without the other person's knowledge to avoid an issue of trust or offence. And I remember briefly watching a bit of a documentary about a woman who married a man so that her life would improve and that he would take her overseas, but he ended up leaving her behind after taking her money, and demanding more money from her. Was it an arranged marriage? Well my recollection is fuzzy, but her parents hadn't objected and even encouraged the marriage.
And India is an older country and more traditional, while America is 'new' and young, since it isn't too long ago that it was seen as the land of opportunity. It is probably still seen that way by some people, no?
Americans don't take the time to investigate the background of the people they date or marry. They just take the person at face value. Indians take the time to investigate people prior to marriage and have the assistance of relatives and the community to ensure a good match.
I'm not sure where you grew up or where you currently live, but even in America, people (and I include white Caucasians) DO like to know more about their partner's background and whatnot. As for having the assistance of relatives to investigate, well that's a little odd, in my opinion. Why not get to know that person yourself? It builds up social character on your part.
That's why Indian arranged marriages are more successful than American love marriages.
Not necessarily. That depends on how you define success. Do you mean by personal satisfaction or the actual statistical rate of successful marriages to divorces?
That statistic is due more to the lower rate of divorce since it is frowned upon so much in Indian society. A lot of Indian arranged marriages seem, to me at least, quite unhappy and were just married for the sake of being married. Marriage, to me, should come when your ready and to a person whom YOU feel attracted to - not somebody YOUR PARENTS want you to marry.
see in the Indian culture marrying someone from within the family is void and you said keeping the wealth within the family is not possible.
before marriage both the boys family and the girls family are called and they see whether or not they both belong to the sub caste or not and if they belong they cant marry
I was dating a indian girl in high school. She was always depressed, sad and angry. She had an arranged marriage. He father always told her she was too never marry anyone outside her race (I'm hispanic, but look Indian), because she already had someone chosen for her. I felt bad. Eventually she was sent to private school and I never heard from her again. But my sister ran into her one day and she sent her regards.
If it aint moving, you can eat it!
In my mother's country (Korea), there's still a practice of matchmaking which is very similar to the arranged marriages in India. I've had a few Indian acquaintances and asked about the process for them, which is why I make that claim.
It's not really a "wake up one day and you're told you're getting married" thing. I sort of liken it to eHarmony. Both my Indian friends and my cousin described a process by which candidates are allowed to see pictures and profiles of potential spouses (chosen based on compatibility and...admittedly...similar social status). Then they are given the chance to communicate with them to see if they will suit. My cousin was introduced to a quite a few guys (around a dozen or so) before she finally found one that she really liked. In no way was she forced. I honestly think that her parents would have accepted if she made a love match, so long as the guy was from a similar background and all. Now if she had brought in someone with a lower social standing or a job that was not in the same professional sphere as them, they probably would have thrown a fit and forbade the match.
Some of it's a sort of caste system, but it's no worse than the stereotype we have over here of our daughters marrying a doctor.
From what I've seen of the process, arranged marriages actually have a better chance of success than your typical Western marriage. I think that's because a large portion people here are so quick to marry and base their choices on superficial qualities such as looks/lust without worrying about true compatibility.
Now could I do it? Doubtful. However, I have no hangups over those who do.
I used to have the preconceived notion that an arranged marriage was pretty much a forced marriage. Then I saw another movie, called, not very originally, "Arranged," and had my eyes opened. Two young women are co-workers and become friends; one's family is Orthodox Jewish and the other is Muslim. I thought it was really interesting to see the matchmaking and the courtships. Nothing was forced. Btw, "Arranged" is on Netflix streaming last time I checked, if you're interested.
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