1995 Royal Rumble Review

Rolling right along, next up for review is the 1995 Royal Rumble. I never liked this one much because I felt the WWF cheated us with a halfass Rumble. If you can judge the WWF by it's quality each year based on the roster for the Rumble then you should know this was probably their worst year ever. Only a handful of guys in this thing were legitimate contenders to win, that being Luger, Bulldog, Michaels, Owen and maybe Backlund. The rest were very low card dregs, tag teams and nearly the entire 30 man roster is part of the wrestlecrap hall of fame.
PPV opens with Pamela Anderson arriving by Limo to escort the winner of the Rumble to Wrestlemania and the WWF roster greets her hoping for a handjob. Vince Mcmahon on commentary with Jerry Lawler.


Match #1


Intercontinental Title Match


Razor Ramon Vs Jeff Jarrett w The Roadie


This is the first time I remember seeing Jesse James. Jarrett insults Razor by slapping him after taking him down then just acting like a cocky a$$hat that he is. Razor makes him pay and beats him up for a few minutes but Razor ends up outside and gets clipped by Roadie and an eventual countout. Should be over there right? Wrong. Jarrett gets on the mic and suckers Razor back into the ring who now has a bum wheel and Jarrett immediatley goes after it. Jarrett goes through the typical repetoire of moves used before the figure four then slaps it on. Razor fights out of it then hits Jarrett with the super belly to back suplex. He goes for the razors edge but his leg buckles and Jarrett pins him for the title at 18:03. Okay match with an interesting swerve. 2 1/2 stars.


Match #2


Singles Match


The Undertaker w Paul Bearer Vs Irwin R Shyster w Ted Dibiasie


This is a continuation of the Underfaker feud I guess. Taker owns nearly the whole thing. He goes old school then IRS and Dibiasie have a run in where a fight almost breaks out in the ranks. Dibiasie call two druids to ringside and one of them interferes by shaking the ropes whil Taker goes oldschool again, he's only allowed to use that move once per match I guess. IRS gets in his token offense then both collide headfirst on a rope run. While Ted distracts the ref a druid puts IRS on Taker for the pin but come on it's the freakin Undertaker. Taker goes for a tombestone but the druids interfere and IRS hits the write off and doesn't immediatley go for the pin. For an accountant he's pretty stupid. Taker catches IRS with a chokeslam and gets the pin around the 12:20 mark according to Wiki. The Druids attack Taker postmatch that doesn't work so Bundy comes in and leaves the deadman laying. This would lead to their snoozefest match at Mania 11. Never cared for this match. 1 1/2 stars.


Match #3


WWF World Title Match

Diesel Vs Bret The Hitman Hart


Diesel makes his way down and greets Lawrence Taylor who is at ringside. Bret controls the opening part of the match going right for the legs and he puts on a figure four twice. Diesels tall frame lets him grab the ropes easily. Both guys end up outside where Diesel overpowers and clobbers Bret for a bit. Diesel with a sidewalk slam for 2. Bret gets a suprise sleeper hold but Diesel throws him outside. Bret walks around and trips Diesel THEN crotches him around the bottom of the steel post THEN uses his wrist tape to tie his legs together somewhat. Bret grabs a chair but Diesel gets free. Bret with a pendulum backbreaker. Elbow off the second rope and a 2 count. Bret's going into the five moves of doom faze I think. Impressive as Bret clotheslines Diesel over the top rope. Bret dives onto Diesel who catches him and rams him backfirst into the post. Back inside Diesel jacknifes Bret and that will do it......waitta minute. SHAWN MICHAELS ON A RUN IN!!! Shawn almost gets a dq win for Diesel but the ref says it must continue. Bret is tanacious as he just tries destroying Diesels bad leg. Bret with a figure four but Diesel is tall enough that he can punch his way out of it. Bret eventually gets the sharpshooter for the win......what's this?? OWEN HART ON A RUN IN!!! Owen takes the turnbuckle pad off the corner and shoots Bret sternom first into the buckle and Bret sells it like a sniper got him. Should be a dq but the ref rules that the match must continue. Bret gets a leg tangled in the ropes and Diesel goes out for a chair to take his head off with but Bret gets out of the ropes then he plays possum and suckers Diesel with a small package. All of a sudden Shawn Michaels? Bob Backlund? Owen Hart? And Jeff Jarrett and The Roadie (who have absolutley nothing to do with either feud) beat the s*** out of Bret and Diesel until Diesel chases the heels away and helps up Bret. Eventually the match is thrown out around 27:18 according to Wiki. I wanna go somewhere in the range of 3 stars to maybe 3 1/2.


Match #4


WWF Tag Team Title Match


The 1-2-3 Kid and Bob Holly vs Bam Bam Bigelow and Tatanka


The final match in the tournament to fill the tag belts that were vacated by Shawn and Diesel after their split. The announcers keep referring to the Kid and Holly as being like the San Diego Charges. Only...you know.....Kid and Holly have three times the odds of actually winning. Tatanka and Bigelow control most of it although Kid gets a suprise huracinrana on Bammer. Kid and Holly turn the heels into bumbling goofs with their speed. Heels get ahold of Holly and beat him up for awhile. Both sides making mistakes on saves and nailing their partners instead of the heels. Im half expecting Kid and Bigelow to team up against Kid and Tatanka for the blown save attempts. Kid finally gets the tag and missle dropkicks Bigelow good on the way in Kid somersaults over the top rope onto Tatanka on the outside. Unfortunatley the heels overwhelm him and Bigelow press slams him to the floor in a hard bump. Back inside the beginning of the end for the heels as Bigelow sets up The Kid for a moonsault and s*** for brains Buffalo runs the ropes knocking Bigelow off and he cracks his noggin good on the mat. Ref starts counting and Kid slowly crawls over and pins a ko'd Bigelow at 15:45. New Champs!!! Bigelow finally wakes up and he's got a busted lip and he gets pissed at everyone for laughing at him. Historic moment. Bigelow notices LT at ringside trying to conseal his laughter so Bigelow doesn't notice but Bigelow gets up in his face and LT tries to reason but Bigelow shoves LT down in a pretty shootish looking moment and LT sells it well ready to jump the guardrail and scalp the tatoo of Bammers head. This would lead to their overrated historical match at Mania 11. Overall. I feel like giving this match a 2 1/2. Maybe a 3. Go with either I guess, im hard to please I guess.


Shawn Michaels and Lex Luger give pre Rumble interviews. McMahon appologies to LT for the previous incident to add more realism to the brewing feud.

Fink introduces Pamela Anderson and Lawler sounds like he's ready for daterape.

Match #5


1995 Royal Rumble


Oh god. They cut it last year from every 2 minutes down to 90 seconds which wasn't so bad. Now they have knocked it down to every minute. #1 is Shawn Michaels. Even as a semi mark at the time, I kinda saw this coming Shawn draws #1? The Rumble is cut to 30 minutes? There's a pattern here. #2 is The British Bulldog and they do their best mini 1 minute match that they can before #3 Eli Bleu comes in and attacks Bulldog. #4 is Duke The Dumpster Drose and he gets booted right in the mush on the way in. Drose slams Shawn and #5 Jimmy Delray comes charging in and goes after Shawn. #6 is Seoni aka The Barbarian the replacement for Samu on The Headshrinkers. Bulldog gets the first elimination by clotheslining Delray outta there. #7 Tom Prichard is on his way and he just missed his partner by about 30 seconds. Shawn's doing the Rick Martel potential elimination bit, constantly getting caught on the ropes and hanging upside down. #8 is.....Doink, I don't hear any kill the clown chants. #9 is Kwang, #10 Is Rick Martel who sets the Rumble appearance record tonight with 7. #11 is Owen Hart who gets his ass kicked by Bret before making it to the ring. #12 is Timothy Well Officials finally chase Bret away and Owen goes into the ring and runs at Bulldog who backdrops him out Bushwhacker Luke style. Shawn tosses Drose onto a ref. Bulldog tosses Well and Shawn tosses Prichard. There not even fking trying to make this interesting. I have to rewind the tape because the actions happening faster than I can type and I wanna get the eliminations right. Doink ends up on the apron where Kwang superkicks him off then Kwang follows and Eli and Seoni take eachother out. #13 is Bushwhacker Luke who gets in two jabs and Shawn gives him the eyepoke of death and tosses him out. #14 is....Jacob bleu. He kills Shawn with a clothesline then gets backdropped by Shawn outta there. Rumbles going down the toilet at a record pace. #15 is King Kong Bundy. Shawn and Bulldog try getting him out but he owns the ring for a litle while. #16 is Mo and he runs in and is immediatley shouldered out by Bundy and this is the point where I originally lost all hope of this Rumble redeeming itself and wanting my $30 back. #17 is Mabel who slowly inches Bundy out of the ring after a slugfest of obese proportions then #18 Bushwhacker Butch comes in who goes out just like Luke. #19 is Lex Luger who attacks Mabel and throws him out like nothing. Then he press slams Shawn. #20 is Mantaur who attacks everybody. #21 is Aldo Montoya followed by #22 Henry Godwin who I think might be making his debute im not sure, #23 Billy Gunn #24 Bart Gunn and #25 Bob Backlund. Nothing going on much just people pairing off in opposite corners but Bret jumps Backlund before he can get in the ring and beats him up then the refs drag him away. Backlund gets in the ring and is too busy looking over the ropes at Bret so Lex clotheslines him out. #26 is Steven Dunn followed by #27 Dick Murdoch who is followed by #28 Adam Bomb. #29 is Fatu. Steven Dunn goes out somewhere along the way and he is followed by Mantaur courtesy of Lex Luger. #30 is Crush who has been gone for months and would dissapear once again after this ppv amongst the steroid illegal weapons bust. Crush walks right in and tosses the Gunns who are having a brokeback moutain moment on the ropes. With all the guys in there they had to attack eachother? Crush and Bomb in the corner. Manowar working over Luger. Murdoch almost eliminates Shawn but Luger knocks him down and Shawn repays the favor by choking Luger. Murdoch tries the JYD headbutts on Fatu but hurts himself. Crush shoulder lifts Adam Bomb out on a dumass blind charge. Fatu almost kicks Crush's head off and Murdoch almost eliminates Shawn again but Lex nails him and makes the save once again. Crush eliminates Fatu and Bulldog tries dumping Crush. Shawn/Bulldog/Crush/Lex/Murdoch/Godwin. Murdoch with an airplane spin on Henry kicks Shawn and they spill outside but Henry hangs on while Dick heads to the showers. Shawn and Henry gang up on Lex while Crush goes after Bulldog. Lex shoulder lifts Godwin out and it's the final four. Luger makes a very very very retarded decision to climb the second turnbuckle to punch Crush and Shawn clips him from behind and he is gone. Crush and Shawn pummel Davyboy then Crush sucker kicks Shawn and tries to presslam him out but Shawn finger pokes the eyeball and Bulldog charges missing Shawn but taking Crush out. Bulldog gets a burts of strength and knocks Shawn all over the place. Bulldog crotches Michaels on the ropes then clotheslines him out and here is your winner the British Bulldog!!!.......WAITTAMINUTE!!! Shawn just ran over and knocked Bulldog off the turnbuckle and eliminated him. The referee tells the Fink that only one of Shawn Michaels feet hit the floor. Therefore the winner of the 1995 Royal Rumble. Shawn Michaels!!! Pamela Anderson gets to escort Shawn to Mania 11. Shortest of the 30 man Rumbles at 38:41. The Rumble slowed down to more my pace at the halfway point but man. I really didn't like this format at all. But the Rumble is still my favorite event and I will give it my lowest score of 2 stars.


Overall Opinion: Undercard was decent. But the Rumble killed it for me. It's what makes the ppv IMHO IC title and World Title and Tag title were good.


Final Score: On a scale of 0.1 to 10.0? Feels like a 3.7 to me.