Any intellectuals out there who didn't care for this?

Film Ophile. You do not articulate what it is about Cache (Hidden) that you don't like. To say you were "fuming" and that the ending was "implausible" are insufficient and demand a more rigorous analysis.

In my opinion, Hidden is the best film of the 21st century. I cannot imagine a more sophisticated, cerebral and ultimately terrifying celluloid experience. Ostensibly, the film starts out as a thriller, but is much more than that. Over the course of the following couple of hours, Haneke taps into our collective consciousness and conveys to us our basest anxieties and fears without ever overtly vocalizing them. From the portentous opening long shot of the Laurent’s house, to the incredibly subtle ending (probably the most jaw-droppingly subtle ending ever), via one of the most shocking acts of violence ever committed to film, Hidden is never what it seems. The genius of the film though, is that it is executed in a way that is subtly aimed at what we, the viewer, bring to the table. Much has been made of political metaphor and motivation within the frame: the guilt of France following the shame of its involvement in Algiers. And yes, the POSSIBLE adversaries of the protagonist are indeed Algerian. POSSIBLE, because we are not sure. Not sure of where the film is going, what is really going on under the surface, or of who is watching who. Those who have analyzed and made sense of the film from a political context are missing 99.9% of its raison d ’etre. Not for nothing is the film called Hidden: what you see on the screen is not to be mistaken for the reality of Georges’ (or his adversaries) motivations.

If Hidden can be read as a thriller, then it contravenes all of the machinations of the genre. There is no music, scenes are long without the usual visual locus, there is no obvious plot as such, no noir atmosphere, no collective “ahhhhh, twas he what done it!” from the audience at the end. What we do get is layer upon layer of tension, the result of Haneke allowing his viewer to interpret the film’s clues in their own subjective way. A dozen different people could see and fundamentally understand Hidden, each with their own explanation of events. And each one of these people will not necessarily be wrong. It could be said that Hidden is more a whydunnit? than a whodunnit? This viewpoint is close but still lacking. Haneke constantly surprises us with where he takes us and he is always one or two steps ahead of his audience. Second-guessing is futile. And just when we think we have a handle on just what the hell is going on, the last frame of the film completely throws everything out of focus, forcing us to go back to the start and reflect on what has happened in a whole new way.

This is how I like films. This is how I think films should be. This is why I like Haneke, Tarr, Lynch, Jodorowsky, Noe...It's not about being exclusively sensual OR cerebral. These guys engage ALL of my critical senses.

You seem like an intelligent person, and I do not write this to try to make you (or anyone else) change their opinions about Hidden (Cache). I just wanted to counter your assertion that the film is crap and doesn't make sense.

"What's your name?"
"F uck you. That's my name"