MovieChat Forums > Gilmore Girls (2000) Discussion > Treatment of girlfriends

Treatment of girlfriends

posted 7 years ago by forksforrests
15 replies | jump to latest

I made a post about this on Tumblr but that place doesn't stimulate good discussions, so I'll bring it here for what may be my last thread on these boards 😞

Anyways, did it bother anyone how this show treated anyone who wasn't Rory like crap? Basically, all of her love interests who had flings/girlfriends prior to or after her were treated without any respect. As if Rory was the only one worthy of respect because she was The One.

For instance, Dean's only gf other than Rory was Lindsay and we all know how horridly he treated her.
Jess was using Shay to rile up Rory and tossed her aside pretty easily. Didn't he push her into a closet one time? Lmao
Logan treated women dispensably; he slept with and then mocked all those bridesmaids. He would go on dates with other girls and then ditch them for Rory (wedding, the Tarantino themed party).
Marty lied to and deceived Lucy continuously.
Tristan was a jerk to everyone.

It bothers me that this show thought that was appropriate. You're allowed to treat other love interests like ends in themselves and not just a means to an end, to bide time until Rory, special snowflake that she is, came along.

A rose is just a rose.

[–] yeamf-93422 7 years ago

Well, not all are like that of course. Sookie and Jackson for example have a solid relationship. In fact, if anyone's a tiny bit abusive it's Sookie.

What you're saying is true, though. I think the entire fandom needs to realize that Rory is not at fault! It's ASP who should be blamed for all of this. She has this soft spot when it comes to Rory. ASP loves Rory so much that she's blind to whatever bad thing she makes Rory do, she doesn't want anyone being mean to Rory and she will never blame Rory for things not working out. So the story is written like that. Rory is perfect.

It is a valid complaint of fans, that this is annoying to no end. It's unreal, because whoever or whatever controls the universe (karma, God, whatever you think it is or isn't) doesn't play favorites. My point is, the real world doesn't work like that. Just because you're pretty and reserved and studious doesn't mean you get to get away with murder.

I really hated how Jess treated that girl he was with for the brief time they were together. He didn't even make the effort to act like he was interested in her. She was just an object for him to piss Rory off with. I'm also really mad at the girl for being dumb enough to go with it!

[–] forksforrests 7 years ago

I'm not saying there aren't examples of healthy relationships on the show; there are plenty. I'm pinpointing the "pre-Rory" relationships or "post-Rory" relationships as horribly reductive and mishandled. I'm also not blaming Rory here, because this is 100% a fault of the writers. It's not so much that they think she's perfect but that they think all the men in this universe don't want to be with anyone other than Rory and they don't treat any other love interest with respect other than Rory.

It's like, if the relationship wasn't with Rory, then it wasn't worthy of being developed and treated as an end in itself. Like, any relationship that isn't with Rory can't be good because Rory is "the one" (for Jess, for Dean, for Logan, and Marty). That's not how relationships should be written. It's a terrible way to write women, too. Lindsay, Shay, Logan's unnamed women were all plot devices and reduced to bimbo status because they weren't Rory.

A rose is just a rose.

[–] stayalivein85 7 years ago

I really hated how Jess treated that girl he was with for the brief time they were together. He didn't even make the effort to act like he was interested in her.

This also foreshadows Luke's relationship with Nicole. Both Jess and Luke just started a relationship as a reaction to something a Gilmore girl did or didn't do. We as the audience are supposed to hate the other girlfriend, but it doesn't work that way. Shane especially is more plot devcice than character, and she vanishes as soon as she's no longer needed.

That said, I really feel for Jess when Luke calls him out on exactly that. He says the girl he likes doesn't like him back, and it's really not his fault. Rory didn't write him all summer because she was scared to leave Dean. I guess she's supposed to come off as thoughful and loyal to Dean, but it's the exact opposite: Her passivity does more harm than good.

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[–] perfect_lover2012 7 years ago

Rory could've committed 100 percent to her plan of being loyal to Dean. She acted like she was doing that but then we would see her act completely nonchalant when they were together or hyper focused on Jess. I'm not sure why the writers thought it was an entertaining storyline to watch Rory stay in a relationship she didn't want to be in for 8 episodes in season 3. Then they swept the kiss and her visiting Jess under the rug. I wish Dean would've found out and ended things in the season 2 finale. Luke and Nicole together are so awkward to watch especially when he "moved" In with her but still stayed at his diner. That's so ridiculous.

"When life gives you lemons"
Jessica D: sleep with their fathers and have secret lemon children

[–] yeamf-93422 7 years ago

I think that was actually a smart move. It really showed who Rory really was. She wanted to be the nice good girl, but underneath all of that she was insecure and scared of her own feelings. Let's not forget that no matter how mature everyone thought Rory was, she was still a 16-17 year old kid. Really, when I think of myself at 16, and it wasn't even that long ago; I cringe at the things I said and did and felt. Read your diary, and I promise you will chuckle at things you've written.

So expecting a child to handle a relationship, her first relationship, in a mature and rational way is being unfair. I think Rory's intentions were honorable, and of course, so selfish. She was ultimately serving herself, staying with Dean because she didn't want to feel guilty about it. But, also, because she didn't want to break his heart. You have to understand that to a kid's mind, that makes total sense. She thought that was the right thing to do.

She thought she could get over Jess, but that's being naive. That's expected of a teenager, especially a teenager who's extremely concerned about how she's perceived. The girl who left the her long time first boyfriend for a troublemaker or the girl who was dumped by her boyfriend and then started dating another guy.

[–] perfect_lover2012 7 years ago

Yes it just adds to this narrative that certain women who aren't as interested in sex/makeup/fashion etc are more worthy of a faithful relationship. They didn't give Lindsay any kind of development or defined character traits so she was just the pretty blonde who ended up being too lazy to work. They tried to paint her as the bad guy for not smiling and chatting with Rory in the Poe episode. Maybe Lindsay didn't like her because Dean was still interested in her and she was dealing with jealousy or insecurity issues. Rory being oblivious is one thing but Lorelai could've at least given some mature advice. Yes Lindsay had Dean physically but his heart was still with Rory. It's natural for her to feel that way. Rory was awful to Shane and Jess just used her because she was "simple" compared to Rory. Once again if a woman isn't obsessed with reading or studying then she's not worthy of anything more than a casual relationship. I still hate the whole love triangle because Rory was actually going to date Dean all throughout season 3 simply because she wouldn't end things with him. I really don't get her in this scenario even after Lorelai gave her the ok to move on she wouldn't do it then she plays the victim afterwards. Logan treating the women that way was wrong but at least it fit his character. They all knew he was a player and they just seemed to want sex as far as we know. It's pure wish fulfillment IMO that Logan would commit simply because Rory said he couldn't do it. Yeah because most players just drop their lifestyles for one girl that he just started seeing. I think they rushed that part of the storyline but I agree it continues the idea that only Rory is worthy of a relationship. Tristan and Jess both harass Rory(Tristan was more of a bully to Rory while Jess stalked her and Dean) and we are supposed to root for them because why? It's supposed to be cute and romantic on this show but it isn't at all. Marty pulling the old switcharoo was disappointing. I actually liked his friendship with Rory and he treats Lucy horribly over a crush he had 3 years ago. Absolutely terrible. I guess it's only fitting that Rory ends up in that position later on in life. Another scene I have to mention is Doyle trying to kiss her when they got drunk. I don't even understand why the writers went there. That had the potential to wreck Paris' development at that point and it just didn't work.

"When life gives you lemons"
Jessica D: sleep with their fathers and have secret lemon children

[–] forksforrests 7 years ago

the idea that only Rory is worthy of a relationship.

Yup, that's exactly it. And not just any relationship, but a functional, working one. Like, Jess, Logan, and Dean don't even TRY with other people because they're all so hung up on Rory and only Rory is worthy of their time, commitment, and effort. It's meant to be cute and endearing, I assume, that a playboy like Logan or a bad boy like Jess are so "good" to Rory but it's not really because they're so terrible to all the other women in their lives.

Dean and Marty were the worst though; these were two decent guys who seemed like functional people outside of their relationship with Rory. They were social, they engaged healthily with other members of society. But then Rory comes along, and suddenly these two men are incapable of treating their next girlfriend with the respect they deserve. It's horrid.

A rose is just a rose.

[–] nclpllm 7 years ago

Yes, it definitely bothers me. The Gilmore stick is the measuring tool that no other female comes close to comparing. Like there is no happiness in life if a Gilmore girl isn't letting you into her life.

Rory feeds the narrative, believing she's best for all the guys. She complained about Shane not being Jess's type (having never met her), her excuse for sleeping with Dean was that Lindsay wasn't good for him because he was working instead of going to school, when Lorelai told her to let Logan bolt if that's what he wanted to do, Rory insisted she was good for him. So it's like any other girl deserves to be brushed aside. They aren't special.

But as we've noted in previous threads, as good as Rory is for all men, they didn't improve their lives until they were away from her. Thousands of miles away.

It's not as bad with Lorelai. I think Sherry was the worst case. At the baby shower Lorelai complained that there was no way Chris was going to be happy with his five o'clock ballerina, which I think crossed a line. Sure, Sherry was neurotic, but there was no chance he would be happy with his non-Rory daughter? The kid wasn't even born yet and was already inferior to her perfect big sister. [Okay, full disclosure, I wrote a fic from Gigi's pov, growing up feeling like she isn't as smart or fun or pretty just because her last name isn't Gilmore.]

[–] forksforrests 7 years ago

The Gilmore stick is the measuring tool that no other female comes close to comparing. Like there is no happiness in life if a Gilmore girl isn't letting you into her life.

Exactlyy.

And I never thought about how it applied to Lorelai too, but you're right. Both Sherri and even Nicole are good examples. Nicole was even written moderately well until ASP decided she wanted to push Lor/Luke, and then she gave them that rushed marriage, turned Nicole into a cheater, and made their divorce a nightmare.

But as we've noted in previous threads, as good as Rory is for all men, they didn't improve their lives until they were away from her. Thousands of miles away.

I do have to disagree with this though. Part of why I love Logan/Rory the best is because I think Rory helped Logan change for the better and vice versa. He improved his life whilst with Rory and Logan helped Rory open up more. But you're right about Jess; he got his life together when he left. Dean's

A rose is just a rose.

[–] perfect_lover2012 7 years ago

Logan and Rory together is just fantastic for me. Jess would never improve with Rory because he put her on a pedestal same thing Dean did and the Stars Hollow environment was too inclusive and toxically fairytale for them to have a fair chance. Logan had a healthier self esteem at the time and his own life.

"When life gives you lemons"
Jessica D: sleep with their fathers and have secret lemon children

[–] stayalivein85 7 years ago

Logan had a healthier self esteem at the time and his own life.

To be fair, he's also the oldest of the three.

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[–] perfect_lover2012 7 years ago

Yeah I wasn't saying it in a neener neener sort of way. Logan didn't have to hear that Rory was too good for him constantly like Jess and Dean did during the show. Then Emily and Richard loved Logan so that helped.

"When life gives you lemons"
Jessica D: sleep with their fathers and have secret lemon children

[–] stayalivein85 7 years ago

Yeah, that is true, Logan didn't have the entire town of Stars Hollow watch his every move. But what we're doing here is comparing two teenage boys to a college boy/man. More maturity can be expected from Logan.

BTW, I don't think Emily or Richard loved Logan at all. They loved his status in the world, but Emily makes it clear when she talks to Shira in s6 how she really feels about Logan. It's exactly how she feels about Christopher. She tells Chris that she thinks he's weak. Do you want a weak person for your daughter? Or a known philanderer for your grand-daughter?

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Still shopoholic, just wearing a new T-shirt

[–] perfect_lover2012 7 years ago

Yeah I meant a superficial love of Logan because he represented the life they wanted for Rory. I love and hate that moment when Emily calls Christopher weak but I wish we could've seen that level of honesty more often from her regarding their love interests. I know Emily thought Logan had a terrible reputation but she doesn't make any comments about his character maybe because he was so young at the time and she didn't have the knowledge of the vow renewal incident or their casual relationship. I'm curious to see how she responds to the revival ending and how her opinion of Logan shifts.

"When life gives you lemons"
Jessica D: sleep with their fathers and have secret lemon children

[–] stayalivein85 7 years ago

I'm curious to see how she responds to the revival ending and how her opinion of Logan shifts.

Oh heck yeah. This is part of why the revival didn't work for me. For so much of the time it just felt like treading water. The more interesting things are what happens after the final episode. It very much felt like a new pilot to me. All those questions: Will Rory keep the baby? Will she tell Logan? How will Luke react, since he's been in Logan shoes and hates Logan at the same time? And, yes, how would Emily react that her precious granddaughter is also knocked up and unmarried? Will she still blame Lorelai even though Rory is a grown woman? And how does Lorelai feel about this? Is she ready to be a grandmother?

I hate that so many TV shows don't have a proper ending. It's this indecisiveness of the writers that makes me want to cut my leg off.

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Still shopoholic, just wearing a new T-shirt