A TV novelty as painful as the 1978 Star Wars Holiday Special

The macho-pulp "Destroyer" novels grew cultishly popular in the 70s, blending Bruce Lee, James Bond and Hugh Hefner with a cynical post-Watergate satire about "heroic" government assassins.

Soon Reagan inspired America with new vigor amidst the Cold War, and Roger Moore announced he would retire from Bond after Summer 1985's View to a Kill. America's beloved music icon Dick Clark purchased the screen rights to "The Destroyer" and convinced Orion to make the first Remo movie for 1985. The time seemed right for a new movie series to compete in the secret-agent hero marketplace.

Although 007 had always been PG, and Destroyer was most definitely a hard-R-rating, the newly created PG13 rating allowed Remo filmmakers a little leeway to be more aggressive than Bond in edgy content. Teenage boys were sure to embrace this exciting new combination of martial arts and urban male wit.

To write and direct this big-screen transition, Orion hired 2 British leftovers from the 70s' Bond films (Guy Hamilton and Christopher Wood), and decided to save money by shooting most of the "USA" storyline in Mexico. This back-alley approach for a "blue-collar Bond" franchise was aiming middlebrow, but a wise icon was chosen for the franchise launch. A signature battle atop the Statue of Liberty would anchor the marketing campaign, symbolizing the hero's struggle to protect America amidst its own shifting global identity, while notching the movie instant cinematic comparisons to Hitchcock's Saboteur and North by Northwest. Mexican carpenters and welders created a life-size replica of the Statue safe for the cast and camera team to chase around.

The American crew selections included designer Jackson de Govia (who would later design "Die Hard" and Speed), cinematographer Andrew Laszlo ("First Blood," Innerspace), stunt coordinator Glenn Randall Jr (Indiana Jones, The Fugitive), and George Lucas's Skywalker Sound (Sprocket Systems) for a THX-mixed sound-effects surround track.

Former lumberjack Fred Ward has hired to star as Remo, as he possessed "The Right Stuff": both rugged blue-collar charm and the capability to do his own stunts, allowing for remarkable pre-CG action sequences showcasing his battered yet muscular physique. Great chemistry was enabled with Broadway's diminuative emcee Joel Grey, who endured many hours of grueling makeup each morning to portray the wizened Korean Sinanju master. (that makeup was nominated for an Oscar).

If there were any weaknesses in the supporting cast, it was due mostly to underwritten characters - the villains were dull, and the intelligent "love interest" was an aggressive but non-sexpot Pentagon officer.

Although Ebert gave Remo thumbs up as a worthy try, the studio avoided a summer release and instead chose October to debut, a strange selection considering much of the potential audience was busy in school. While the Statue of Liberty fight provided an interesting sample photo, unfortunately the entire poster campaign relied only on that imagery and nothing else; audiences were left baffled as to the film's actual plot, or who the villains were that this new hero would be rescuing us from. As a result, the posters left only bewildered confusion about the movie's concept and storyline.

After losing money on the theatrical release, Dick Clark and Orion were surprised by the enthusiastic reactions of home audiences, who discovered the film anew and began recommending it with enthusiastic word of mouth. Remo became one of HBO's most requested titles, proving that the filmmakers had been correct to adapt the project after all. Seeking to cash in on this new crowd while avoiding the expense of a full-fledge big-screen sequel, Dick Clark convinced ABC to green-light a pilot for a TV series.

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In 1988 Hollywood endured a strike by the WGA, meaning the only scripts available to produce were pre-existing rejects that otherwise were gathering dust on back-closet shelves. ABC figured their typical rerun ratings during the dog days of summer wouldn't be harmed by unleashing "Remo: The Prophecy," a low-budget offering from Orion, who had already squandered Dick Clark's contractual rights to the characters in their 1985 big-screen movie.

Cheaply shot by former "CHiPS" makers on a quick schedule around LA, this pilot for a dimly conceived TV show was painful to watch, most glaringly in using none of the original actors from 1985. Fred Ward, Joel Grey and Wilford Brimley were hardly "expensive" to hire in 1988, yet apparently they were deemed too royal beyond the basement ambitions of the TV makers. (Since when is Wilford Brimley too expensive?!)

The replacement cast was awful. Jeffrey Meeks was a much-too-handsome soap-opera hunk with huge poofy salon hair (only half the age of Fred Ward), and was hired only for A) his martial arts skills and B) wasn't doing anything else that week. I can only assume that the ABC execs had thought that his soap opera background would attract more female viewers than the macho-rough 1985 film. This TV Remo demonstrated his Sinanju warrior techniques by battling rollerskaters on the Venice Beach boardwalk. Groannn... It was like something out of Superman IV: The Quest for Peace.

About the only consistent connection from the movie was the opening theme credits, which borrowed shots from the Remo film, edited together with shots of the new TV actors - the quality of which is more painful contrasted together.

Naturally the results in the following episode were a pale and painful imitation of the movie, recycling several gags to no avail. (Example, Remo's continued obsession to learn Lesson 36.) Instead of duelling with Dobermans on high-wire girders or murderous construction workers on the Statue of Liberty, the TV Remo escaped from a Burbank high-rise by sliding down a geyser of water from a firetruck's hose. It looked about as realistic as the green-screen halo around a cable-access weatherman.

It sounds better in print then it played on TV. Considering that the movie itself upset some fans by being "cheap," the penny-budget "Prophecy" TV show offered little hope compared with the far-superior film. This is ironic b/c the show and the movie were produced by the same Hollywood source: Dick Clark and Orion.

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By 1991, fans still hungry for visualized adventures of the Destroyer had to settle for a brief Remo-Chiun comic book series from Marvel. Somehow Dick Clark still retains the screen rights, and as recently as the late Clinton administration, was still trying to convince Hollywood (Sony this time) to breathe new life into the would-be Remo franchise.

In 2003, MGM released a bare-bones pan&scan Remo DVD without extras. Shortly thereafter, Sony purchased MGM, and thus now owns the Orion catalog. Time will tell if a Special Edition will ever give justice to the Remo movie, loaded with behind-the-scenes tidbits from the failed would-be franchise. Surely a sense of humor would allow inclusion of the TV episode on the bonus disc.