Before seeing this movie, from only knowing the title and reading a few descriptions, I assumed that that the film would say that there is something that is better than sex. So what does the film say is better than sex? At the end, Susie and David's characters' relationship is still based on sex. Does anyone have any ideas?
"So they laughed and danced in the trees, and pretty fair nonsense I daresay you think" ~The Hobbit
i think they wanted to say that love is better than sex. but nobody said that love is much harder to found than sex..... right??
shareNO, NO, NO, NO, NO!!! Not chocolate, not Viggo, NOT love. INTIMACY! They say this during the film, it is INTIMACY! You do not have intimacy during casual sex, you have lots of other stuff, but not intimacy. Intimacy comes with knowing someone — to whatever extent — and accepting them, desiring them based on that knowledge. It is easy to want someone's body, and it is easy for your body to wanted (by *someone*), but what is not easy, often scary and therefore more intense is when someone gets to know us and still desires, perhaps even more so.
The perfect example of the difference is very well illustrated in this film. At one point during the film, Cin is hovering over Josh and her inner monologue is talking about intimacy when she starts kissing him. The kiss is different, it is the kiss of someone who wants to connect on a deeper level. My wife once said to me (when we were dating) that when she hugged me she couldn't get close enough, she said she wanted to slip under my skin and stay there. That kind of closeness has little to do with sex and much to do with wanting to be fully connected with someone.
When Cin is kissing Josh and speaking of intimacy she wants to show him that she accepts him, that she likes HIM, not just his body, and she likes him so much that words don't do it justice, she needs to press her lips to his to communicate how intensely she feels at that time. That is very intimate, it's like kissing someone's soul, it is total acceptance. More appropriately it is alliance with a person, a signal that you want more of an individual and that you want to share more of yourself. You cannot demonstrate that with sex, but you can with physical intimacy. It can be confusing, which is why many people caution against premarital, or casual sex. Everyone would agree that it is not kind to lead someone on, to pretend to feel more for a person than is true. Having sex with a person is a good way to lead them on, but there IS a difference between intimacy and sex, and most adults understand this even though they might not be able to articulate a contrast between the two.
In this movie the director uses many devices to illustrate the difference between sex and intimacy, and perhaps the most recognizable to men deals with Cin's multiple sexual partners. She states that she has had 29 (male) sexual partners (and three women). This can be very intimidating to a man. Women often mistakenly believe that a man's issue with lots of partners has to do with her being a "slut", when in fact it is actually about adequacy. How can a man distinguish himself to someone who has had 32 sexual partners? Cin tells Josh (several times) that she would have normally kicked a guy out, that she would be done with a man at this (or that) point, but she doesn't do this with Josh which signals her feelings of intimacy and her desire for MORE of the same. Clearly the sex can't be THAT good, and she even tells him a couple of times that she isn't perfectly satisfied, for example when he cums too early (while reciting baking ingredients). Yet she wants him to hang around, she wants to be with him and keeps making love with him she wants more intimacy and it is FAR more satisfying and powerful than sex.
INTIMACY is better than sex, and it is what makes sex better too.
"...nothing is left of me, each time I see her..." - Catullus
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Well done Bladerunner. I was going to write a reply very similar to yours but you saved me the trouble:)
The movie is obviously targeted to a market that can see beyond the basics of the physical parameters of sex. BtS was the exploration from the raw unemotional act of physical gratification to the indepth and often complicated issues surrounding love and how the rise of intimacy introduces obstacles.
And as an experienced campaigner in this world; sex is nothing without that emotional connection. BtS highlights this truism.
"Argue for your limitations, and sure enough, you will get them"
Another reason why I loved this movie so much is exactly *because* it tackles such a fine distinction with aplomb, competency and humor.
As far as "David Wenham / Aussie films attract a more literate poster - or poser..." I hope I fall into the "poster" category and not the "poser" <grin>
siit, what exactly is "...an experienced campaigner in this world"?
To me there is little sadder than people searching for intimacy by having sex with one person after another, because they either do not know the difference between intimacy and sex, or they are afraid to enter into a relationship. Intimacy demand reciprocation, it cannot continue without responding in kind.
When I have talked with people who use Ecstasy, they believe that it *makes* them intimate, when in reality it only removes the mental barriers, the intimacy still comes from their own desire. Sadly the drug causes damage, and allows for intimacy when it isn't appropriate. I think this intense desire for intimacy comes from the lack of it in their home, or even worse it is because they once had it, but it was destroyed by divorce or something like that. Oh well, I'm rambling. What a nice thread though. Good people.
"...nothing is left of me, each time I see her..." - Catullus
You and I, Bladerunner speak the same language. '..experienced campaigner you asked..' the passage of time, making many many mistakes and more importantly learning from them, actively seeking out to better yourself, and providing the opportunity to be vulnerable makes you a seasoned campaigner in the world.
In this fast paced, slick plastic throw-away society, people tend to try before you buy and never stick around when difficulties arise... they seem to expect that true intimacy and love stems from an easy fairy tale road. However its the struggles, patience and tenacity that is the key to exposing yourself to a true intimate experience... alas its easier to walk away, but the consequences are a hardening of the heart, failure to accept personal responsibility and raising of already unrealistic expectations.
Those who have experienced it will know the gratifyingly joyous experience it is to KNOW you are loved and the little gentle touches that pass between partners, whilst not sexual by nature, are reinforcing of that intimate bond... sex enhances intimacy when intimacy exists. If you fail to strive for intimacy outside and beyond the physical realm of sex, you will not find it.. period.
You are right Bladerunner, tis a good thread, and you are not rambling :)
"Argue for your limitations, and sure enough, you will get them"
Well said, my dear. =D You hit the nail on the head.
shareNothing. Nothing is better than sex.
A good traveller has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving.
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THC enriched substances is WAAYY better than sex.
sex is overrated and gets boring after a while...:D
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"WHAT exactly is better than sex".....
very little in my opinion..lol
politics is better than sex - via HUNTER S THOMPSON
shareto me, sitting down with my hubby, a bottle of good red wine, a packet of Tim Tams(doesn't matter what flavour though double choc is good) and just chatting after the kids have gone to bed is SOOOOOOOOOOOO much better than sex. I suppose that's the whole intimacy thing really.
Or sleep. Sleep wins hands down. (Spot the mother of a 3 year old and an 8 month old who's teething)
Your last sentence cracked me up. SOOO true!
Sometimes sex is the best... sometimes not!
the answer to this question is nothing!
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