MovieChat Forums > Titus (2000) Discussion > most horrible (but funny) lines to come ...

most horrible (but funny) lines to come out of Ken Titus


There's 3 for me

From the tommys crush episode

Titus: what are we dad german, English?
Ken: White, that's all it matters!
Erin: Papa Titus?!?!
Ken: I'm talking hypothetically!

And the Err episode

Ken: I don't go into into a bar and just look for a ten.
I find a six and drink till she's an eight!

And finally tommys not gay episode

Flashback
Titus: Dad this is Roger he just moved into the neighbourhood!
Ken: Well that explains it! First time I've seen a black guy carry a tv into a house

LOL

reply

Actually, the punch line to Tommy's Crush is: "In society's eyes."

Time makes all things possible.

reply

ok. Thx I mustve missed that!

reply

Flashback: Christopher and his Dad are at a sporting goods store (I think) and another customer is looking at a rifle to buy.

Christopher: How old to I have to be to get a gun?
Dad: You don't need a gun. The men in our family have penises.

The other customer glares at him and walks away. HILARIOUS!!!

_______
"She flattened a Dear John with a John Deere." - Douglas Wambaugh

reply

I'm soooooo laughing out loud right now reading these golden oldies. How can one not reminisce about so many one liners. "Taco night is just a bag of lies" This show was cremated so far beyond it's time.

If anyone gets a chance, be sure to watch "Christopher Titus: Norman Rockwell Is Bleeding," it is so worth the time many times over A lot of it is an extension of "Tutus", he also has three other concerts available and a new one is about to be released.

reply

From "Titus Integritus"---
Titus is pinned under the car, Ken is trying to take a picture of him---
"I can't get the right expression, will somebody please pee on him?"

Trying is the first step towards failure.

reply

Don't remember what the name of the episode, but it's when Ken gets arrested for drunk driving in the newly painted truck.

Ken, yelling at Titus:
"You built me a cop magnet! I might as well be a black guy driving a powdered donut!"



Goblin Cannonball: I hit something! Yes?!? No?!?

reply

From "The Intervention"

When they finally got Papa Titus to agree he had a drinking problem and he was finally starting to suck the brews down again.


Papa Titus: "You better swim for the lighthouse laddy, the fog is rollin in."

From "Dad's Dead". not one but the whole episode is a classic but about the best episode was when Dave joined the army.

reply

Ken: It's ironic you're watching synchronized swimming when your girlfriend drowned last month.
*Dave goes off crying*
Ken: All right! Go niners!
Titus (translating): "Next time, just give me the remote."

Ken: Listen. Fruits have the same rights as normal people. It's not like they're from Vietnam!

Ken: Okay, God. I'm willing to give up everything to get my son back! Here, no more beer. *drinks up the last glass* Beer's gone. Cigarette? *takes a drag* Cigarette's gone. Your turn... *pauses for 2 seconds* Okay, I tried.

reply

[deleted]

Dave tells the cop: The VCR is his but THE POT IS MINE!

If man is made in gods image, then god is deeply messed up.

reply

Hey rewind the tape. That black cop pushed me.

reply

The whole exchange with the Japanese Nurse where Ken askes her where he can get a korean kid for a pack of cigarettes...and then what she says when she gets ready to shave him..hahaha

*********************
Conservatives hate what people do -- Liberals hate who people are.

reply

"Do you think I am fat?"
Don't worry I will let you know when your fat when all your stuff is on the front lawn.

***Gets An Eviction *beep*

"So? You still look fat in those pants"

reply

when they find a dead stripper

Tommy: it was self defense!

Ken: Yea she was going for his zipper

reply

"Are you not getting this? I thought Asientals were smart!"

"Son, don't get involved in a three-way. Somebody always gets pissed off."

"A chick on the floor covered in salad. This is just like Bob Marshall's bachelor party."

"Listen Tommy, I know I've made a lot of jokes about you being gay. Seriously, think about it."



reply