Favorite Quotes


What are some people's favorite quotes from the show? A few of mine are:

"It doesn't matter what you dream, it's that you dream. And that's my dream, to dream!"

"Must be nice to hope for the thing you wish to want."

"Pee on me!"

"What does VICTORY spell?" Jerri- "Fandango. No, Hobocamp, Hobocamp."

"Funny, why does your finger smell like his ass?"

All courtesy of Jerri, of course.

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"Shut your dirty little mouth!!!!!!!"

" And when someone tries to make you thier bitch, you just stick em with a shiv in the shower"

"Hey Jerry, Did you just finish eating crackers?
"no why?"
"Cause you teeth sure look crummy"

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my favorite (can't remember the exact wording)

Chuck Noblet:

"one time, fidel castro dressed up as marilyn monroe and gave president kennedy a case of syphilis so bad that it blew that back of his head off."

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lol yeah thats a great one

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[deleted]

Work which quote in?

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no that's definitely in the show.. i've never watched it w/ the commentary on and i definitely vividly remember that one

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Jerri Blank: Hey Stew, you seen my mother?
Stew: Which one? The real one, the dead one, or the one I'm having sex with?

Chuck Noblet: Following his violent revolution, Gandhi was devoured by his followers.

Drake Rogers: Wow, a virgin whore!

Geoffrey Jellineck: If wishes and buts were clusters of nuts, we'd all have a bowl of granola!

Noblet reading Jerri's note: My vagina is on fire. I'm trying not to scratch it, Orlando. I'm afraid it'll get infected.

See Spot Dick Jane

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[deleted]

Not a quote but real funny

Jerri's at Chuck's desk asking for her test score, and Chuck gets his calculator, says "Let me see" and he just limply puts his hand down on the keys a few times, saying that she failed. I love that!

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Jellineck: What's your beef, Stu?...Simmer down, why are you always trying to stir things up!?!?

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I love that one.

"PANCAKES!"

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ah! i love that part! and like the whole conversation that follows where they keep saying foods

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Not a quote but real funny

Jerri's at Chuck's desk asking for her test score, and Chuck gets his calculator, says "Let me see" and he just limply puts his hand down on the keys a few times, saying that she failed. I love that!

Me too!!!

Another one....It's Parent-Teacher day, and Jerri's stepmom is totally wasted and makes a fool out of herself in front of Mr. Noblet. When Jerri & her stepmom go to leave the class, Noblet looks at Jerri and dramatically removes his glasses, knocking them to the floor, and then shakes his head at her, as if he's really concerned. Classic!!

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Jellineck to Noblet "I'm not pushing you away...I'm pulling ME towards MYSELF"

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[deleted]

i think it actually comes off pretty sincere when jellineck says it in the show, but hysterically ridiculous when noblet says it in the movie.

anyway, some great ones from "hit and run":

blackman: what happened here? who ran [jellineck] over?
noblet: how should i know? im married!

[after jellineck's face is thrown into blackman's office]
blackman: what did you (noblet) have to say?
noblet: oh, nothing. i was just looking for my classroom. is this it? this is your office! id better go. call my wife.

"Life is a canvas. Throw as much paint on it as you can." -- Danny Kaye

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"you are a big....fat...stupid.....fatty"

or something to that tune. lol.

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"fatty?" lol

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That parent-teacher day scene, where Noblet removes his glases had me rolling on the floor, with tears in my eyes. Every time I see it I just die laughing.

Also the dance scene at the end where Noblet reads "A Dream Deferred" and then starts dancing. To die for.

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omg I don't think I've ever laughed so hard. You could make all the witty jokes in the world and it could never compare to the slapstick humor of that moment.

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In the episond where Jerri spraypaints the n word on the wall

Jellineck-*long, girly scream*AhHHHHH
noblet-That must be Jellineck!



:D

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Another one....It's Parent-Teacher day, and Jerri's stepmom is totally wasted and makes a fool out of herself in front of Mr. Noblet. When Jerri & her stepmom go to leave the class, Noblet looks at Jerri and dramatically removes his glasses, knocking them to the floor, and then shakes his head at her, as if he's really concerned. Classic!!

That was...the best thing ever.

"What were Mr. Noblet and Mr. Jellineck doing at the park at 3 AM?"

"That's a good question. What WERE Noblet and Jellineck doing at the park at 3 AM? Noblet?"

....

"Well. I guess we'll never know."




"I'm a black man dressed as an astronaut. That disturbs you, doesn't it?"




"What happened to Martin Luther King?"

"I'm not sure..."

*scream*

"Oh my GOD! That's Jellineck! *grabs an axe* Everyone, let's go! *slides into the scene."

AND...

"I think you're pushing him too hard."

"It's alright! Look, Jeffrey..."

"It's GEOFFREY!! Can't we not do this?"

"Maybe...you should go."

"Yes. Yes, you SHOULD go."

"I was talking about you."

"Please...Chuck, just, just GO."

*slams door, slides into view through window*

"I was wearing...an artist coat and a light Indian tunic, not *crudely imitates Native Americans* Indian, but *points to head, makes high-pitched noise* Indian. And then I saw...the word."

"What did it say?"

"It said N-n-n-n..."

"DEAR GOD, YOU'RE KILLING HIM!"

"Kitten, take down your claws, that's enough!"

"Geoffrey."

"No."

"Geoffrey!"

"No!"

"They're an odd pair, those two."

"I wonder what they're hiding."

~Amelia

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[deleted]

whats even funnier about that part is that Jerri steals his calculator and puts it in her purse.

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"What happened to Daisy?"
"No one knows... but I can tell you where she's NOT buried! Under this store!"

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Ha hah a, yeah, thats the "career day" and he's telling her she's going to work at the flower factory. thats one of my favorites too.


Also, the part where she gets high and sees demons and monsters.

"what do yu see jerri?"

"nothing different"

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When talking to Nancy in the bathroom during "To Love, Honor, and Pretend"

"Look I'm gonna say this once, two times. So listen up. Stay away from my husband. One. Stay away from my husband. Two. Understand, or do I need to repeat myself?"

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Here are a few of my favorites quotes:

Jerri: "...all mildewy down there."
Jerri: "Mmmmm that smarts!"
Jerri: "Pencil...p-e-n-s-u-l!"

Mr. Jellineck: "I'm a pacifist. I pass the fist."

Jerri: "I can't work with Mr. Noblet, he hates me!"
Mr. Blackman: "Nonsense Jerri, all students think their teachers hate them."
Mr. Noblet: "Actually, with this one she's right on the money."

Mr. Noblet: "Jerri, that excuse isn't going to work...when you use it."

There are so many, these are the ones that stick with me.

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Before i name any quotes, does anyone know when they are releasing season 3 on DVD???? Blackman- "Anyone will do"

Blank- shes just like you and me...
Blackman- i dont care if shes like me and me...they are a menace

Stew- why dont you eat the brisket
Blank- im not hungry
Stew stairs back angry
Stew- eat...the...brisket
Blank- im, not hungry
Stew grits his teeth
Stew- God Damnit

wife#1- who wants coffee
Gelineck- oh i do
Gelineck spills alittle
Wife#2- whooa look out Mr. Butterfingers...
Gelineck- God Damn it, your picking at my brain like a Jackel

Blank- Juice it, Juice it

Blank- im all moist down there

Rebecca- my name is Rebecca, whats your name Jerri
Blank- Jerri, whats your Rebecca?
Rebecca- Rebecca

Blackman- HOT TEA

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[deleted]

[deleted]

ARRRRRGHHHH! YOU GOT THE STEW+JERRI WRONG MATEY...

throw in for her: "I don't waaant... any... briSSket"

also it's "I'm all moist down there like a snack cake"


AND THEN THERE'S PACKIN' A MUSKET
by Jerri Blank.

When you work from your home and johns call on the phone,
you're a call girl.
When you walk 'til you limp and give a cut to a pimp,
you're a street whore.
When they're beggin' you please to get down on your knees
near their groinage,
excusa me, but you see, don't you touch where they pee
without coinage.

When I straddle and squat, to show you my - CLASS DISMISSED

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My favorite one is where Jerri's mom and dad are called to Mr. Blackman's office and she goes, "listen Mr. black man..." and he goes, "It's Blackman!" and she says "whatever." Hilarious!

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I haven't seen it in a long time, but I thought that the jazz guy was the funniest.

"You know, I remember when (some jazz musician) said to me one time, 'Jazzy, shut up and give me some heroin.'"

~~~~~~~~
"It's Coily's army of darkness, look!" - mst3k

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"I'd wake up with blood on my ass, and then we'd get high. Mmm! Good times!"

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It's the episode where Jerri is selling shoes to buy a pair of Flairs. The old bald manager guy is trying to convince Jerri not to give in to the rich bitch's wishes, and he says, "Don't do it, Jerri. Soon she'll be asking you for her life!"

And Stu comes back from the john and asks fake mom and Jerri what they were talking about "Marriage" And Stu says something like, "Ah the most sacred bond between a man and women. Which reminds me, I have to go home to my wife and read stories to my kids."

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In the episode where Jerry sprays the racist word on the wall and shes tryin to distract the guy who saw her do it she tells him
"I go for the pole and the hole"

best quote ever.

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Jerri says this pretty much every episode; "Good times!!" So simple, but I fall on the floor laughing!

So shines a good deed, in a weary world...

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