Phil's remark, *I'm tired*

I think it means that he's just worn out, burnt out, and weary of going throught the motions of his life. Since he has daydreams of suicide, I take it to mean he's severly depressed as well.

Struggle of life

WHen you're pushing 50, you'll have some idea.

In gamer terms, he's starting to feel like it's a grind. If he was gonna make it, he would have. Now he's just selling a meaningless product to meaningless people for a tolerable but not remarkable paycheck. At this point, he's doing time. He's got obligations, so running off and writing a book isn't an option, nothing really is an option. He's just tired of it. Tired of everything. He's done.