What are your favourite Lee Evans gags?
Mine are...
"Hello...My name is Zoe and I've been shagged by everyone is Calabongo..." - Live in Scotland.
"I can't sleep, I'm like...overtired." - Wired and Wonderful.
"Have you ever walked into a room and forgot why the *beep* you walked in there?" - Wired and Wonderful.
there once was a man from Goresham
who took out his bollocks to wash 'em
his wife said now Jack
if you dont put them back
ill stand on the b@st@rds and squash 'em
a budgies mirror is for company......"OH HELLO, MY NAMES DEREK" that voice is legendary
Memories are bittersweet, Goodtimes we cant repeat
lol! I luv that one! But hey, could anyone give me the lyrics to the song that he sings at the end of the show (Life from Scotland)? pleeeease???
Lancelot: ''You look frightened. There's a large number of lonely men out there.''
Guinevere: ''Don't worry... I won't let them rape you.''
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Crimewatch: Goodnight don't have nightmaresthere's a mad axeman behind you!!!! - Wired and Wonderful
Giant Pepper: They should use those bloody things in the Police force!! Y'know, Get back! Get *beep* back! - Live in Scotland
Finding the keys: And your wife says "Funny, it's allways in the last place you look!" Of course they are!! I wouldn't find them and keep *beep* looking! 'Hey, ive found them but what the hell, i'll just keep looking!!' - Wired and Wonderful
The Bouncing Bugger
"Pathetic fools!! There is no escape!!" - Starscream
It never fails to crack me up when he talks about asking the hotel guy to give him a wake up call and he says "what time?" and lee replies "8 o clock" and the guy says "right wake me up about 5 to just to remind me!" or something like that! haha! or when he says news has to be bad to make the news, they wouldn't interrupt coronation street to say "everythings great!" and does his little dance lol!
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The bit where he is talking about the Commonwealth Games.
"They should interview the person coming in last, that'd be a much better interview...'Hey, how do you feel?' "*crying*H ow the *beep* do you think I feel? I've been training for the last five *beep* YEARS!"
"Can't cook, Wont cook. Dont *beep* cook then!!!" - Live in Scotland
(Mimics talking on phone in a spastic voice) "Pizza delivery? Yer i'll have that one (pointing at imaginary menu)"
"Uzi like a metal dick in my hand, magazine like a big testicle gland"