1. When defending a mall, expose yourself to police snipers as much as possible.
2. SWAT officers are apparently the easiest targets in the world (next to mall shoppers running away from you).
3. When firing a handgun at the gay evil mastermind criminal, make sure to swing through the air like Tarzan...
And apparently when you have the connections and hardware to escape a police guarded prison transport, NO, don't just drive right through the border to Mexico given that your already in Texas, no no no! Go into a mall and stupidly hold yourself up and just kill a bunch of people and attract as much attention as possible...It's Genius!
4. Snorting copious amounts of cocaine will transform you into a psychotic, nearly unstoppable powerhouse zombie-of-a-man.
5. After telling your heartfelt sob story, you can show how you're really a good person inside by going out onto the roof and spraying minigun fire at hundreds of innocent police, FBI, and SWAT officers.
6. We will always feel more sorry for the brother who fell victim to the system if he kills SWAT officers and shoots at his brother before he dies teary-eyed in said brother's arms.
7. Never trust gay evil masterminds, they're really just froo-froos without a plan.
8. When you gain control of a prison bus and several other vehicles while already in Texas, don't make a mad-dash to the Mexican border, it's far wiser to hole up in a shopping mall in Fort Worth with above froo-froo.
9. If a chair costs $17,000 it'd better be comfortable.
10. Never wear a ski-mask, it'll just ensure that you get headshot by the first bullet. Every. Single. Time.
http://www.youtube.com/anotherschmoe
11.) There will be at least one annoying whiny fat lady and a shameless coked-up slut who will do anything for a bump amongst the hostages.
12.) Running away from and exposing your back to a crazed psycho armed with a gun is a very bad idea that will only get you killed.
13.) Shopping malls in Fort Worth, Texas have stripper poles in them for coked-up sluts to bump and grind on.
14.) Doing a pole dance for a vicious and volatile trigger-happy psycho is no surefire guarantee that your life will be automatically spared.
1,000 mini-bios and I feel like I'm just getting started
you say 'shameless coked-up slut' like it's a bad thing
.) I learned a mall hostage crisis is an excellent time to flex and show off your biceps.
15.) Gays from Texas have awful, awful tastes in interior design.
16.) Medium level cocaine dealers can't afford actual explosives.
17.) The Mexican doesn't know what he did wrong.
18.) Slutty hos don't last long.
19.) If you aren't Arnold Schwarzenegger or Jesse Venture, you can't hit *beep* with a mini-gun.
"Listen, do you smell something? -Ray Stantz"
[deleted]
21.) After killing countless innocents, attempting to rape every female, and going on an all around cocaine-induced rampage, ask "What did I do?", as you are dying.
share22. It's always a genius idea to give a mint-condition muscle car from the golden era to one of the criminals, like avoiding prison isn't good enough
23. Headshots with autoloaders are a lot easier when you fire while jumping sideways
24. Putting on Guns n'Roses ripoff instrumental songs with every shootout never gets old
25. Any editor would agree that pointless monologues have to be left intact whereas major turning points in the script can be severy cut and poorly edited
26. Malls in Forth Worth in the 90s gather around 10 shoppers at once
27. Always hi-jack a place where there's more doors than people in your gang
28. Drug barons have back-door offices in shopping malls
29. Swat operatives faint every time they get hit on their bullet-proof vests
30. When you want to get your partners in crime off a bus full of convicts, shoot other convicts first and then shoot the cops driving behind the bus