My favorite ones

"I need butter on everything!"

"I'm a hornless unicorn"

"Damn you Bong Boy!"

"Come on baby Jesus I'll fight you right now!"

"Guide me mighty switchblade excaliber."

"At least I didn't make you a cripple!"

"Daddy, why in the night when you put the barrell of the gun in your mouth it makes you cry?"

"Why I'm Cassie's new friend the Unabomber!"

"I refuse to be sexually harassed by a dolphin!"


"We are the Hong Kong Danger Duo, you cannot escape the danger!"


"Humans rule. Dolphins suck it."

"Make me a pretty salad."

"You're a right handed genius."

"My ice-cube trays?"


"They're aren't any filthy astronauts around here!"

"Change your currency to oak leaves!"

"I am not a cyborg!"


This is probably my favorite one because I can use it in real life situations if I'm ever in a bind:

"You guys gotta beat me up and take a crap on me!"

Works everytime.


Coming soon from tang, new Pooh-Tang, the breakfast treat for small yellow bears.



"...on account of them astronauts are covered in astro juice. Why, one of them moved into my neighborhood not too long ago, and simultaneously all of the leaves started changin color and fallin off the trees.

Was that in October?


"Keep your hands on the wheel...Meryl.

Ah boy, I'm just so tired of all this traffic. I can't wait to get out of Africa.

You're doing a great job..........Meryl."

"We don't need no moon cheese baby.
What the hell's a moon cheese baby?
I think he's implying how the moon is supposedly made out of cheese.
Well, regardless, how would you have a baby made out of it?"

"Awww I could go to hell for this! Hold my gun! D'you know what that is?
Awww, it's an egg!
That's right! That's two eggs! You look ridiculous!"

"Say Cassie, wouldn't it be great if they had mountains made out of ice cream?
Yeah, and when they'd melt, we'd have ice cream rivers!
Ohhh Cassie, you're scrumtious!"

"But she wanted to call us Charlie's Angels.
Booooooooo (in a really flaming voice)"

"You look like an angel.
Yes, please!"

"But in Brazil they speak Portugese!"

"Someday you will be the one to kill me. When I die, you must pass on my story."

"Well, I'm writing a book.
No way! I read!"

"What do gay people eat?
We eat whatever we want to eat!

"I'll decorate my apartment Santa Fe style!"

Haha, and I love that "Make me a pretty salad!"


Oh yeah, and...

"I'd like to speak incoherently.
Well I don't see why you shouldn't.
Well, double decker bus! And a fancy pants and a bird that goes tweet tweet tweet! Cable in my arm, apple-cart, in summary!
Well put, Mahaffey."

"Are we gonna go watch Porky's?
We will never watch Porky's!"

"...I sing Delta Dawn.
I don't know Delta Dawn.
It doesn't matter. Just pick a song you do know.
How about the Birthday Song?
Ok sing that.
Because, 2 weeks ago, it was my birthday, and no one remembered.
Well then maybe you shouldn't sing it.
No, no, I want to...because no one else did."

It's also a blast to prank call people you know using the voice of Mahaffey's accusor:

"The other night, I was at Mahaffey's house, sleeping with his wife.
Dear God, someone's been sleeping with my wife!"


Mr. Simmons Why are you wearing shoes in the house


-My father has a bumper sticker that says "I break for aliens."
-Your father will be a human slave

-so how'd you get in the wheelchair?

-I wrote Mogey Mogey Pa four years ago!


What the hell is a moon-cheese baby?


Not for smoking.

"I am legend."
-Robert Neville




Season 1.

Get the DVD.


"Naah man, its cool. My sheets got a HOLE in it!"


"yea you know what, YOUR HOLDING MY ASS PENNIES"


"I knew it! What burglar wears a blue nightgown and carries a glass of milk? Ugghhh! (throws food across the table)"

-"There's my princess!"
-"Yes please."