MovieChat Forums > Sex and the City (1998) Discussion > Why didn't Carrie and Big get together a...

Why didn't Carrie and Big get together after Natasha left Big?

posted 7 years ago by chattenoire-1
18 replies | jump to latest

To me, this makes no sense. They had been so attracted to each other that they risked and lost their primary relationships as a consequence of their affair. They had both said 'I love you' to the other.

What prevented them from getting together after their partners had left them?

All I can think of is the writers did not want to show their happiness based on causing others pain. But they had been with the wrong people. Big was going to leave Natasha anyway and in the end, Natasha left him. Carrie didn't dump Aiden; she wanted to stay with him, but he rejected her.

It's also possible Carrie realized that Big was a compulsive cheater who had hurt both his wives by his infidelity, which was the form his inability to commit took within marriage. She foresaw that he would only hurt her again.

But if so, why wasn't this explicitly stated?

[–] Moonlighty 7 years ago

In story: Carrie was so disgusted by how their affair lead to Natasha being physically hurt she said they were "so over" because she realized after seeing that how wrong and hurtful it was, and that turned her right off. Maybe sitting in the hospital made her realize Big *should* have left Natasha if he didn't love her whether or not Carrie was free. She realized this was a guy who let an innocent girl get hurt because of his selfishness.

For a show: it's really poor writing if a couple gets together after having an affair. That's not a satisfying conclusion. It's an unearned love.

-
Consider the daffodil. And while you're doing that I'll be over here looking through your stuff.

[–] yusip2003 7 years ago

I completely agree.

[–] nshine 7 years ago

I always thought that was stupid too. He ruined his marriage and affair. Carrie ended up with nothing at the end of the affair--Aidan left her and big didn't want her. I could feel bad but she really did it to herself.

[–] Moonlighty 7 years ago

But Big did want her; she turned him down.

-
Consider the daffodil. And while you're doing that I'll be over here looking through your stuff.

[–] beja-4 7 years ago

I was just about to say the same, when I saw the reply. I think it's about half an hour between Big threatened to call Natasha, to break up, when she was in The Hamptons, and Natasha fell down the stairs. And later at the hospital, Carrie turned him down.

[–] nshine 7 years ago

Oh yeah oops I remember now

The question is, why the hell would Carrie reject him? She was clearly still in love with him secretly

[–] Moonlighty 7 years ago

But I don't think she clearly was in love with him secretly. What makes you say that? I think she was hurt he picked this prettier, younger, more successful woman barely after meeting her when he wouldn't commit to Carrie so it made her feel good about herself to have an affair with him, feel like she was maybe better than Natasha, but seeing her get hurt and spending time at the hospital with her, Carrie realized Natasha wasn't some vague construct of a person that she wanted to prove herself just as good as this ideal, but that Natasha was just a victim and got hurt (physically and emotionally) because of an immature, selfish man like Big. It was a disillusionment seeing a man willing to hurt this innocent woman was a turnoff and then Carrie desperately wants to apologize because she realized how hurtful she was.

What about that moment suggested she was still in love with Big though?

-
Consider the daffodil. And while you're doing that I'll be over here looking through your stuff.

[–] catbookss 7 years ago

Yes, exactly. That's why Carrie turned him down afterwards. I was glad she did.

[–] beja-4 7 years ago

Yes she was, but had during the time (which was a couple of weeks if I remember correctly) been so uncertain about what she really felt for Big, if it was real love or just passion. She still loved Aidan and knew very well what a relationship with Big would mean, with two break-ups in the baggage. She considered to break it off so many times, but the passion was too strong.

It wasn't until Big started to more or less stalk her, came home to her when Aidan was there, and to those who argue that Big never loved Carrie, or wanted a relationship, it clearly shows in the quote below, was exactly the opposite.

Carrie: Do you know what your problem is? You want it all, you want me the girl you screw, and the girl you go home to, her.
Big: That's bullsh.t, I just want you.

Carrie: You have no right to do this, you can't just come back into my life and f.ck it all up.
Big: Well, I think there are two people doing the f.cking here Carrie.

And with the mess with Natasha falling down the stairs, being physically hurt, the cheating and a constantly bad conscious, I simply think she thought that enough was enough. From being romantic with roses and champagne, it turned into a really sordid affair. And the fact that Big at the hospital, after everything that had happened, still wanted to continue, was a huge turn-off, it was simply too much damage done, especially to Natasha. I mean, who would've managed to continue after that?

But I also think, just like Moonli said, the writers just couldn't let the two continue after having an affair, especially when it ended so bad. That's not morally right at any level, and it is an unearned love.

[–] ElphieDefyingGravity 7 years ago

They were only fun to watch when crashing on the rocks. Carrie and Big together have all the appeal of a photo from a Lands End catalogue.

Et lux perpetua luceat eis

[–] chattenoire-1 7 years ago

In the end, I think it's likely that the writers thought

a. that getting Carrie and Big together would be end-game for the series and/or

b. viewers would protest if Carrie bagged a rich husband by stealing another woman's.

But aside from that, perhaps Carrie really did come to see Big as an irredeemably toxic partner, since he had hurt her, Natasha and his first wife through his inability to commit.

[–] nshine 7 years ago

Now that I think about it, did Carrie even want Big in later seasons?

[–] chattenoire-1 7 years ago

It does seem, in real life, that after the dust had settled and they had both been left alone by their respective partners, that they would have gotten together. As they did, eventually...

[–] fleurfairy 7 years ago

She did in the episode where he has heart surgery, but once again he shut her down and that was the final straw. At least in terms of the tv show.

[–] jasonmovieguy (182) 7 years ago

It wasn't though. That was episode The Domino Effect.

She gets with him (sadly) in the series finale. I was never one who agreed with it. The show was supposed to be about embracing your singlehood as a successful woman, and they all wind up married.

[–] Lancecam88 (73) 6 years ago

Samantha was not married, though it would have been nice if her charachter made some sort of emotional maturity.

[–] leader (1682) 5 years ago

She mentioned in one episode that the only way to stay friends with Big was to repress certain emotions she had about him. So yes she loved him on some level but she wouldn't admit it, even to herself.

[–] Kellymariekitty (158) 5 years ago

Because home wreckers don’t get together when single. They split people up and then move on