Funniest scene/line?

Hahaha, loved the line: "You're *beep* I'm champagne". Also Kristina: "I'm a passionate woman" - after exclaiming she doesn't like sex. Johnny's dad: "Do you think I should get him a professional". Mona to Lenny: "I'm gonna have to get another effing facelift!!"

Phillip Seymour Hoffman's obscene phone call: "I know who you really are. You're a zero, a black hole..."

Funny movie!

You - not me - YOU, will always be *beep* .

I found the movie darkly depressing rather than darkly comic, but it still had some funny black moments.

"I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing with you."

"...I'm not laughing though."

When Allen tells his psychiatrist that he's really boring and describes his voice as being boring in a really monotone boring voice - the part about the psychiatrist himself becoming bored is too obvious I admit, but right before then, just hilarious.

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I was laughing A LOT in this film, but the biggest laugh out of me was when the kid came at the end, the dog licks it up, licks the mother of the kid's mouth, the kid comes in and says "I came" end movie. LOL this movie was so fcked up but so hilarious in so many parts

When Allen connects the phone again, and Helen Jordan [Lara Flynn Boyle] calls him instantly, and tells him: I've had you on auto-rediall all night. xD

Also, when Trish says to her children: Let's hope you don't catch what Johnny's having.
That's some hardcore dark humor right there.


Oh, the humanity...