God Awful...yet I cannot turn away.

This is the mother of all badly acted chop-saki flix. I am aware that very few people have seen this film but I just couldn't allow it to slide. This is a film that make you yearn to watch that Steven Seagal movie that was implanted into your brain. This film raises so many questions. The first of which is why a college freshman looks like he's in his early 30s. The second being the main villians (Matthew Roy Cohen) hair-don't. It looks like it is attempting to escape from his head. It it what is referred to as a "poodle-do". Of course what's a chop-saki flik without a good "poodle-do"? He doesn't so much look like a kung fu fighting villian as he does a roadie for the hair metal band Night Ranger. The 3rd being the "love intrest" of the films hero who is spectacularly bitchy and yet astoundingly unintresting and she looks like she frequents anything hosted by hair metal bands. The fourth being why the "hero" of the film is named 'Ken Mcleod' in the opening credits and named 'Ken Randall Johnson' in the ending credits! The fifth being the ending. Now I won't give it away but it will make you say, "WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?! YOUR LUGGAGE IS IN THE F..KING CAR?!!" I could go over every inch of this movie and pick it apart but instead its just better to shut your brain off and watch fluffy-haired, buff n' leathery heros in tacky parachute pants, poodle haired villians in tacky parachute pants, chubby midget kung fu masters, 30 year old college freshmen, Karate schools made for kids who have "no place else to go" (despite there being a Boys and Girls club directly across the street), bitchy, "whale-saving" heroines, White supremacist gangs that are only 50% white, fat villians who like to wear 'cheeky berets', villians who recommend chinese restauraunts to their equally villainous friends because of "how excellent the food is", professors who shoulder-check the hell out of cripple students, students that park their jeeps in the middle of the quad with impunity and many, many other great scenes. If theres one thing I learned from this film it's that patience in cooler form is the best kind of patience to have. Prepare for the worst, people. If not theres always VAMPIRES ON BIKINI BEACH. Enjoy.