Pearl's explanation for her adultery.
What does the husband think when he hears this?
What I would hear is: there is no rational reason that I did this, therefore there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. I will do what I want to do - no matter who I hurt - when I want to do it.
Could you stay married to a woman like this? Could you ever trust her to even be alone with your kids that you did love?
Even though this movie was entertaining, Marty deserved better. He sacrificed for his family and he didn't screw around. I think the problem was Pearl had too much free time on her hands and she jumped at each opportunity to leave her family. There's a good chance that she'd cheat on him again given the opportunity.
shareI've watched the movie a couple of times now. And I have been watching a BUNCH of other movies about cheating as well, especially the whole recent USA series "Satisfaction" which has turned out just a tad strange in so many ways.
Even the foreign movies about adultery don't present it as any kind of actual "happy" way to live - from the French movie "Le Secret" to the Italian movie "Remember Me, My Love" to the many American movies like "Crazy, Stupid Love" and "Trust the Man".
I have also "been there, done that" myself in my life - as I also got my very young gf pregnant in HS and married her, and then a bit later we both started cheating and eventually got divorced. It's a hard thing to get past in so many ways - and I actually seemed to handle my wife's cheating a tad better than she handled mine, actually.
I just can't see this marriage actually surviving unless Pearl makes a HUGE commitment to making Marty and her kids happiness THE focus of her life from here on out and Marty at least meets her halfway. The ending hinted at that - not so much the dancing but Marty's "Can I ask you a question?" And it wasn't anything at all about Walker. Good for him.
But if Pearl was dissatisfied with her sex life before - and now has Walker's performance (and drug enhanced, no less!) to constantly compare with Marty's "plain old sameness" and fantasizes about (covets) that - well poor Pearl and ultimately poor Marty.
I agree. I don't think there's anything Marty can change about himself that would prevent her from cheating again. It's in her character to want something different. She may stay faithful for a while but ultimately she will seek out a change or something different again.
shareI've DVR'd this movie and recently rewatched it. Diane Lane did an especially good acting job I think. The scene where she first tells Walker that "I can't do this - I'm married - I have kids" and Walker "graciously" says he understands - Pearl's facial expression showed disappointment and sadness actually (rather than relief).
And then, of course, the next available opportunity - Pearl called Walker again and looked God/her conscience/Marty's mother right in the face and did the wrong and evil thing anyway...
Then her indecision about her own future when Marty confronts her, then her visiting Walker at his house after Marty "left" her - all seemed to convey to me that Pearl WOULD have left Marty for Walker IF Walker had asked her to marry him.
But Walker did NOT do that - merely offered some more "fun and games" traveling and living in glorious "freedom" sin. And Pearl could not devalue herself quite that much and also felt that without a doubt Walker WOULD cheat on her and/or merely leave her for someone else whenever he chose to.
Pearl was very lucky, I am thinking. Not a few women in real life have suffered even more greatly in going down the path of just looking for a "little excitement" in their boring lives - and discovering that just one time "getting high" on drugs (or sex) means an instant and uncontrollable addiction that takes over and destroys their entire life. Christina the hooker in the documentary "Atlantic City Hookers" is one of the most chilling things I've ever heard in this regards.
But also in retrospect, it is somewhat amazing such a movie was made in 1999 with such good moral lessons overall.
Here’s the line:
It wasn’t you, Marty. It was me. There were things I wanted to do with my life. I --I don’t even remember what some of them were. Somewhere along the line, I disappeared I stopped being the person you fell in love with. And I wanted-I wanted to be that way again with you. But I couldn’t. Is “somewhere along the line” the last month?
To paraphrase, Pearl never says “I stopped loving you. I wanted to again, but I couldn’t”. She’s says “I’ve changed, so now I know you can’t love me”. So It’s on Marty.
What are Pearl’s mysterious “dreams. Are they things she wanted to be - like a ballerina, or a teacher – or are they things she never did – go to Europe or fancy balls. In either case, there’s a disconnect for me.
Pearl talking about her missed dreams sounds lofty, but it seems her main regret is that she didn’t have any other boyfriends than Marty and missed out on a lot of fun. Pearl’s solution is sex, drugs and rock-n-roll.
Pearl depends on men for her happiness, first Marty then Walker. When Marty can’t visit, a distraught Pearl calls Walker. Pearl didn’t change her life, she changed lovers. She wasn’t meeting the blouse guy for intellectual fulfillment, it was purely sexual desire. Pearl didn’t even know Walker’s name until he had his hand in her pants.
So in the end, everyone is hurt. Pearl says it wasn’t Marty, but he’s the one thing she gave up to be happy. Pearl never says she made a mistake, only that her family shouldn’t deserve to be hurt. Does that mean it’s OK to cheat again when things aren’t going well? She’s lost any respect Alison may have had for her, trampled the trust Lillian gave her to stop the affair, and probably not thought of well with her camp friends.
I was emotionally invested in all the characters in the movie. It’s a tribute to the writing that I didn’t think of any of them to be villains. Pearl is a sympathetic character that does many, unsympathetic things.
There actually IS a chance for Marty and Pearl to not just survive this but get back to happiness.
A slim chance - but a chance. Marty instinctively did the right thing by immediately leaving her and saying "you don't exist for me, anymore."
There is a Web site called "surviving infidelity" where many people forum and describe their own situations. (Many other sites as well plus books, etc.)
He needs to stay remote (and maybe even separate) for a while from Pearl. And leave Pearl in doubt that Marty's love for her is unshakable and forever.
Only after Pearl practically begs him to forgive and get into bed with her again - should he do that. And then IF "hysterical bonding" sex commences there might be a chance for them both.
Basically Marty needs to become NOT "such a nice guy husband" anymore. (Certainly he should remain the sweet and loving father to their children.) Pearl needs to always have to worry more about Marty and HIS needs and happiness than her own needs and (supposed) unhappiness than meeting someone else.
That whole "dominant male" thing really is hardwired into the female brain (at least the sexual part of the brain. ;-) Part of her attraction to Walker was that HE had that "bad boy" persona.
You may be right, there is a chance Marty & Pearl’s marriage can survive. I did a quick internet search and was surprised to learn that only 19 percent of people who were cheated on ended the relationship right away. 22 percent eventually broke up because they couldn’t get over the betrayal. Also, those who married their lovers had a 75% divorce rate. (Private Lies: Infidelity and Betrayal of Intimacy by Frank Pittman)
I think Pearl has serious problems that no one takes seriously. Pearl would have to solve her identity crisis and truly understand the damage she caused and show sincere regret and remorse. Marty will have to set conditions for Pearl and stand firm. He’s already graciously addressed Pearls’ concerns about communicating with her and is expanding his musical tastes.
I thought Marty dropping everything and driving to meet Pearl, when she sent him a microscope, showed him a little to desperate and rewarded her bad behavior. The movie had to wrap up and that scene seemed rushed and the reconciliation not earned.
Their marriage seemed to be solid, so if Pearl can fix her demons and Marty stays devoted to her, those crazy kids just might make it.