MovieChat Forums > Warriors of Virtue (1997) Discussion > Review

Review

posted 15 years ago by Cryptfan2
3 replies | jump to latest

Hello and welcome, to my first review.

Let's face it; our childhoods have their ups and downs. We watch the good, the bad and probably the ugly depending on what it is. If you grew up in the 80s and/or 90s (like myself, I've been mainly a 90s kid), your childhood probably includes giant transforming robots, mutant turtles who are ninjas, and The Warner Brothers and the Warner Sister. Including anything involving Nickelodeon.

However, just because we watch good nostalgic shows and movies, didn’t mean that we didn't watch nostalgic crap that was thrown in our faces. You know, stuff like the Power Rangers, Ferngully, The Pagemaster, Rock a Doodle, just about anything crappy you can think of. With that being said, I have watched a lot of nostalgic crap in my childhood but there is one that was forgotten completely until it came to my head again for some reason.

A movie so obscure yet infamous, that it just makes me want to destroy any merchandise related to it to make sure it doesn’t exist! Oh no wait, that's Barney.

But however, the film I'm talking about is Warriors of Virtue. The premise simply involves a kid going into another world and meets; I'm not making this up, kung fu fighting kangaroos.

Now I know what you’re thinking. Kung fu fighting kangaroos? Yeah, nowadays even before the film was released always gets a "WTF" reaction from people. For a good reason, though.

If anything, it was probably an attempt to cash in on the Ninja Turtles and Power Rangers franchises. However, there was one problem though, it was released after the popularity of both franchises past!

Because of that it suffered at the box office due to lack of interest. I remember seeing the TV spots and action figure commercials that were made to promote the film. Even Cartoon Network sponsored the damn movie.

But what is it that makes it so *beep* Well, lets find out, shall we?

The movie starts off with presumably an old man who we'll no doubt see later on in the film, talking about how things changed. You know, like the face that there were no wars and the land is dying, for whatever reason. He wonders if there will be someone who will stand up and *beep* like that but also says that he "fears for him as I fear for us." Okay, first of all, why assume it would be a "he"? How would he even know it would be a boy, anyway? What if it turned out to be a girl? And you know, the camera for a moment concentrated on the guy's beads for some reasons even when they fall apart. What does this mean? I have no idea but it's an indication of what the film is going to be.

So, after that depressing-looking scene, if you could call it that, we are then introduced to our main hero (I guess you could call him that), Ryan Jeffers. Right now, the kid is reading a comic book featuring kick ass sequences. And how do I know this? Because the music just hams up a montage full of the various pages.

And here is where it gets way funnier; it transitions to another scene where we're introduced to his (adult) friend Ming who works at a Chinese Restaurant. So, what's special about Ming? Well, the guy basically treats cooking as if it were a martial arts stadium. I'm serious here, people. He does a lot of fancy moves to place food on the frying pan, cutting vegetables and even throwing rice into mid-air. He even does the same when he washes dishes.

Sure, you'd see stuff like that in a restaurant like Ichiban or Benihana but not in the way the guy does it. So, after that apparently badass cooking, he talks to Ryan about the "Real Kung Fu Masters", he tells him to picture a world filled with great warriors who use the forces of nature as their weapons by using the following elements.

Fire
Metal
Wood
Water
Earth

But all of that is interrupted when their manager tells them to go back to cooking. Ryan asks Ming if the warriors are real. To which Ming replies,

"Ancient Chinese secret."

Yes, because every kid will understand the Calgon water softener commercial reference.

We get another scene transition, this time; we're in a football field of some high school. Ryan and his friend Chucky are apparently water boys but wait a minute, are they in high school? Because they look like middle school kids. Or I think so, maybe elementary school kids?

Anyway, the team who I'll refer to as The Reds try to come up with a strategy to beat the other team, their coach offers them the next strategy but the players disagree but they go with it that is until Ryan comes along and offers a new strategy.

By the way, how old is Ryan anyway? 10? 12?

He offers what seems to be a better one but in response, the jock spits out a squirt of water on his sneaker and him and the rest of the jocks think it's funny. They go onto the field performing the final moments of the game.

The thing about this scene is that it's treated like it was the finale of Lucas minus the Corey Haim getting his ass injured by the other team. Actually, it's treated like the ending of any Sports movie. The music even amps it up.

The strategy apparently worked but Ryan seems to be disappointed that he doesn't get a thank you. Either that or because apparently an older girl likes the jock. I don't think it was clear but oh well.

So, afterwards, he and his friend Chucky talk about the apparent strategy that he wasn't thanked for. The jock who goes by the name of Brad and his friends including the same girl as before act like the rude jackasses they are, narrowly ran over them.

Chucky calls out the jock about the strategy. They stop and face the two boys. Chucky asks "Aren't you gonna thank him?" But one teenager says,

"You say something or did you fart?"

You know that joke from North where the attorney defending the kid's parents says "Your honor, the defense rests"? It's kind of like that.

Chucky points out that Ryan came up with the strategy to which the girl confirms that apparently, Brad told everyone the whole strategy was his idea.

However, Brad admits that it was a great call and compliments Ryan that he's pretty smart. That and that it's too bad that he can't play ball.

Is he playing nice or is he for real?

Just as they were about to leave, Brad stops them for a moment asking they want to hang out with him and the rest of his cronies tonight. Ryan agrees and Brad informs them that they'll be at some tunnel (I don't think I heard what he said right) around 8:00 and to bring his friend with him.

Seriously, are they trying to set him up for something or what? Actually, come to think of it and again, how old is Ryan. The kid does look ten years old or maybe he's in middle school, so what the hell is he doing with a bunch of kids from high school? Did one of the writers watch The Garbage Pail Kids Movie?

Hell, a teenage girl gave him a flirty smile; tell me that doesn't say something!

Chucky asks him if he's out of his mind and that Brad is evil. He has a feeling that he's up to something and it's not hard to see why. But he does tell Ryan that he's coming anyway. They are friends after all. No problem there.

Fast forward to Ryan trying to find his friend Ming. There was a scene earlier with his mom but it's nothing important. They do talk about the father but they brush over the subject that it just ends up contributing nothing. Plus, it was hard to tell whether the kid's parents were divorced or not. We never see the father but the kid asks when he'll be back. So, what happened?

Anyway, while searching for him, he bumps into a chef holding four plates. Later on, the same chef slips on a tomato, Ming catches him with his ankle and actually does contribute a piece of history that hasn't been recorded until Sam Raimi's Spider-Man. he catches all of the four plates just as they were falling.

So, the kid and Ming go into his bedroom. Ryan couldn't help but notice something in a jar. It's a cocoon. He tells Ryan that when he was a kid, he spotted a butterfly trying to escape the cocoon. He ends up letting it go but then later explains that it died soon after. He says that he interrupted its journey. He then explains a metaphor involving humans and cocoons and Ryan apparently makes a reference to his leg.

Oh yes, I forgot to mention. The kid has a disability on his leg so he has a metal splint on his leg, which I assume reduces his self-esteem.

Um, deep?

There's nothing that contributes to anything except for one thing though, he gives Ryan a book that has like this weird symbol. He calls it Tao, whatever the hell that is but I have bad feeling we'll know what soon. Same times, gives him the moral to be who you want to be, not like someone else. So, Ming places the book inside the kid's backpack, telling him that it's his.

Fast forward to nighttime, Ryan and Chucky arrive at whatever Brad told them to go. Chucky wants to leave but Ryan warns him not to blow it. Since I guess he wants to be popular.

Um, kid, you're in what? Middle school or elementary and you're hanging out with a bunch of high school kids? If you say so.

So they all go inside some large tunnel. I'll give the filmmakers this, it does look atmospheric, so that's pretty cool. Chucky basically figured something was up but Ryan, already starting to become a *beep* prick just tells him to shut it and let him be popular. To their surprise, they go inside a sewer. Chucky tries to back out at the last minute with the excuse that he has a Spanish test tomorrow but no score.

They go inside and Brad finally informs that if he's going to be "one of us" (when did this turn into a B-Movie monster flick?), he has to be initiated. How?

Well apparently, it involves writing your name on the wall in graffiti but there's a catch. And-holy crap! There's a whirlpool! Actually, it's a canal. Apparently all Ryan has to do is to walk across the pipe and spray paint his name on the other side. Brad walks across it with an ease easily impressing everyone else. Except for one though who is actually concerned about the whole thing.

But yeah, I supposed if he opened a bag of chips, you'd be roaring.

Now Brad goads Ryan into doing the same thing. Most of the high school teens want him to do it as well, except for one though. The girl tells him that he's just making fun of him. Chucky tells Ryan that it's stupid and says "Now, let's make like Tom and cruise."

Tell me, were kids in the 90's saying something like that?

Ryan just dismisses it and agrees to walk across the pipe.

You know what? The girl and Chucky seem to have common sense. Are you seriously telling me we're supposed to root for Ryan even though he's doing something incredibly dangerous that could easily get him killed?

So, Ryan starts to actually skid slowly across the pipe. He has a disability so, it's not like he'll do it very easily. Brad continues to mock him saying "why don't you just get down and crawl."

Dude, he has a disability on his leg. What do you expect?

The girl tells him to stop mocking the kid while Chucky just hopes that he'll make it across. He's reluctantly going with this, so you can't blame him.

Brad points to a drainpipe warning him about it and that he has to be quick. Well, okay, I'll give him a small amount of credit for actually warning him about something but nothing changes. But then, something happens...

That's right folks, the drainpipe pours out tons of water and knocks the kid down. Everyone including Brad do probably the most logical thing, panic. I swear, the jock has the most funniest reaction ever.

Realistically, the "poor" kid would've drowned but nope. Hell, even in the final shot inside the canal, he's nowhere to be seen but I assume that funnel is in indication that he went somewhere. And I really should've kept my mouth shut as that's actually case.

The scene cuts to what looks like a swamp but it can't be since the water looks clean, Ryan's unconscious and he seems to drifting to shore although something is actually doing that especially since there are bubbles a few seconds later along with what sounds like a soft growl.

He does get to dry land and apparently in the background, there's a big, brown, furry tail. So, does the tail act like a shark fin? The kid is on solid ground and not a hill so obviously the tail is coming from the water but it looks dry.

Never mind. So, after we assume it has been minutes or hours, the kid finally wakes up. Normally, a person would panic if he finally finds himself in an unknown place but in this kid's case, apparently being dry is the first thing he notices.

Kid, you were unconscious for like what, 2 hours? Of course you'd be dry!

Oh, and get this, he assumes that they're playing a prank on him even his own friend. Nicely done, kid. But he starts to get way more confused the more he looks around but suddenly, a dude with probably the most hilarious looking helmet suddenly appears.

Helmet Man spots the kid, the kid runs and the very first thing Helmet Man does is that he throws a spear at the kid!

So, given that this guy is likely a soldier, he was given the order to kill anyone?

Anyway, the spear gets the kid but only stabbed through his backpack but he gets knocked down anyway. And get this, the spear wobbles. Nice filmmaking there guys.

Anyway, the guy grabs the spear and the backpack much to his confusion. I'm guessing he'd hoped that the kid would die. But he doesn't have time to do anything as something literally jumps out of the water yelling like Piccolo's voice actor from the Saban English dub of Dragonball Z.

So, Helmet Man gets smacked by the same tail from before and is apparently strong enough to flip him upside down, throw him into a tree and hit the ground. Oh, and apparently ringing in the guy's helmet is supposed to be funny.

The guy sneaks off to a nearby tree and takes off the helmet and he looks like Robert Downey, Jr. for some reason. The off-screen brawl continues as the mysterious figure with a tail throws more Helmet Men soldiers to a tree and he even throws one into the water and it looked like he was drowning. The Helmet Man covers his ears again as apparently, the thing's roars is also loud enough to make the guy deaf and so they run like *beep* cowards back to, whatever the hell they came from.

The kid comes out of a tree hiding from the brawl, he is curious to see as to who his savior is. He does get a good look at him and apparently it's something brown and furry and also has big ears. The kid screams and runs off in a panic leaving to the mysterious savior making a groaning sound.

As the kid runs off but he stops for a moment, he notices that he doesn't have a gimpy leg anymore. And he's overly happy about it actually.

Kid, someone threw a spear at you and you're busy getting giddy about your working leg? Okay, well, don't say I didn't warn you when the next guy tries to kill you.

And I was right again as soon as a midget hobo guy literally pops out from nowhere, tackles and tries to kill him. The hobo guy calls him a "newcomer" something that he will be referred to as for the rest of the film. Why he's doing so, I have no idea but he has another savior as a wooden knife pierces through the guy's clothing and has him stuck in the tree.

Enter Elysia who I swear has the weirdest entrance as she seems to have slide towards the kid. She asks if the kid is hurt, the hobo tells her that he's a newcomer and that he saw him first. So, what? The midget wanted to eat him?

Ryan informs her that in a nutshell, he slipped into the water, woke up and that people were trying to kill him. Elysia tells him that he ran into Komodo's men. Knowing that it's not safe (no duh), she pulls a Superman and flies away?

What?

However, this leaves the hobo guy nothing but being stuck to a tree. Oh, and he expected a reward for his efforts? Effort? You tried to kill him, dumbass! Oh, and before he seemingly got himself removed from the tree, he says, "virtue will be yours." Something tells me, we'll be hearing that word again.

You know, I'm going to take a wild stab and just call him a Big Lipped Alligator Moment.

We cut to the next scene as the very first thing in the next scene is a fortress that looks like a phallic symbol. I'm guessing since the concept was absurd enough, the production designer thought it'd be funny to have a fortress that kind of resembles a penis.

Inside, a character named General Grillo informs Helmet Man that he was originally supposed to be spying on the life spring (um, why and what is it?) and that he wasn't supposed to seen. Helmet Man informs him that he was attacked but Grillo tells him to explain to what we assume to be Komodo. That and he's not happy.

Two things I can't help but notice, the backpack seems to be product placement and he ate something right before he said "he's not happy." Just felt like pointing that out.

This leaves Helmet Man to be uncomfortable and we, the audience, assume that this Komodo to be threatening. Two henchmen, one of them being played by Lee Arenberg who would later play Pintel in the Pirates of the Caribbean movies, mocks Helmet Man who might get his demise soon. But their mocking stops when apparently, some weird chick shuts them.

So, finally, after a barrage of quotes about failure and *beep* like that. We are finally introduced to Komodo. You might say that he looks familiar to you and you're right.

Komodo is played by Angus Macfadyen, best known for playing Robert the Bruce in Mel Gibson's Braveheart and recently, Jeff Reinhart from Saw III.

For anyone who doesn't like the Saw films, trust me, you'll want to watch Saw III to get rid of the bad taste Warriors of Virtue could possibly leave you with. If not that, then watch Braveheart.

So, how do I describe Komodo? Well, calling him a overly flamboyant, gay dude is too high of an honor. I'd say he's someone who has PMS even though he's a guy. You'll know why later on.

Anyway, Helmet Man gets down on his knees and holds up the backpack. He informs Komodo that it's from Ryan. Hearing the word "newcomer", Komodo is now interested as he throws the backpack to one of the three henchmen which knows him down and lifts him up again with what seems to be telekinesis. So, he's the son of Darth Vader or Jean Grey?

He then orders Helmet Man to rise up slowly, telling him that there's nothing to fear, he'll take away his terror. Oh great, a failed attempt at buildup for something bad to happen to the poor sap, nice.

Soon after, the guy ends falling through a trap floor screaming to his death. Grillo seems to feel sorry. Komodo then asks General Grillo "what's the point of power, if you don't use people?"

Are we sure this guy is the main villain and not some wannabe like Jack Spicer?

Komodo then orders the three henchman to open the backpack and they all seem to be eager as to what's inside it. Even the female henchwoman who looks serious and intelligent gleefully joins in. They rip it open and all the condiments come out. They grab anything they can get their hands on but the book accidentally slides away to General Grillo, who notices it and has a stunned look on his face.

Grillo tells Komodo that the book is the symbol of Tao much to the guy's surprise. Grillo asks him if it's the Manuscript just as Komodo telekinetically takes the book.

Wait, the Manuscript? That's the best name the writers could come up with? You could've just called The Book of Tao or something.

Of course like any fish out of water story, the henchmen have fun with the modern items but misinterpret them. Like the fact that the henchwoman is licking a Game Boy (more product placement?). Komodo yells them to be quiet and they do so. Komodo then has a stern look on his face but turns to joy, subtle joy.

[–] Cryptfan2 15 years ago

He says "at last" meaning that he's been actually looking for it.

Now wait a second, was he actually looking for that book? How does he even know about it and we don't even know what the hell it's supposed to be. Plus, how did Ming get his hands on the Manuscript, anyway? Does he actually have the power to travel to other worlds?

He flips through a few pages seemingly unsatisfied and he then orders the three henchmen to find Ryan and bring him. One of them has a very weird but funny smile when he says "pleasure, my lord" in unison.

We then cut to the next scene as Elysia introduces herself. By the way, I forgot to mention. Marley Shelton, the actress who plays Elysia would actually go on to play The Customer in Sin City, Margaret Henderson, the cheerleader in Pleasantville and Dr. Dakota Block, one of the lesbian doctors in Grindhouse. It’s kind of funny when you think about it.

Anyway, she also confirms that he's in Tao, so at least we get a confirmation that it's another world. The kid is in disbelief that he was told earlier about Tao and the manuscript by his friend Ming. So, of course he realizes that it's real. Again, has Ming been to Tao before or what?

Elysia asks about the manuscript as to what it looks like, he finds the same *beep* symbol on the boat. He points out that the same symbol is on the cover of the Manuscript.

"Manuscript of Legend?"

Guys, you already failed with the manuscript name. Don't bother trying to make it sound fancy or cool. Even as something mysterious.

Anyway, she explains that Master Chung told her and many others about a mystical book with special powers and if it were to return to Tao, it would change everything. Um, okay. She also mentions that Master Chung is the leader of Tao and that he taught peace and harmony.

She then finally explains the whole deal with Komodo and that peace didn't exactly last by the time he came to Tao.

So, what exactly happened, you ask?

Well, here's how the story.

She explains that he began mining the Life Springs for a mineral called Zubrium (whatever the *beep* that is) and that the life springs is where everyone in Tao lives, they radiate energy to them and that without it, they die off. She also explains that Komodo uses the Zubrium to keep himself you and strong.

So, this guy is like an energy vampire?

Anyway, she also explains that he's desperate for it and that there is only one Life Spring left. Ryan asks if anyone can stop him but Elysia replies that no one can and not even the Warriors of Virtue.

Okay, you know a movie sucks when someone says the title of their own movie.

Ryan wonders who they are and she says that they're Roos. Is that a racial slur?

So finally, we're introduced to the village of Tao and hey, wait a second; didn't she say that Tao was in danger of dying? Aside from the murky waters, the crowds acting up and the sky being dark, the place looks like it's in pretty good shape. Are you seriously telling me that the whole world is in danger of dying completely?

As for Tao itself, it's comprised of various humans and anthropomorphic animals. Just go with it, I didn't write the movie. There's a even an anthropomorphic Yak and an anthropomorphic Rhino who will no doubt be seen in a few more scenes in the film. And here are we are introduced to Master Chung. Right from the get go, you could tell the first thing that's wrong with him. His voice. You see, that's not the actor's voice, it's been dubbed over by another guy.

And he also looks like Mr. Miyagi from the Karate Kid movies if he were a hermit except that Pat Morita kicks ass. He quiets the villagers down and tells them not to let fear defeat them and that the Warriors of Virtue will protect them.

One dude asks if Yun has returned. You'll find out soon. Of course, Chung confirms that he hasn't. Yak Man (he does have a name by the name of Willybeast but Yak Man is my preference) asks how can the Warriors of Virtue them if they're only four.

Guys, four is enough. Don't be picky.

A random village points out that Komodo's soldiers have been spotted in the green (the forest?). Of course, he asks "what will we do?" and there's actually a really funny moment where another random villager yells out "We're doomed! We're doomed!" The funny part is how he says it.

Master Chung tries to calm down everyone but then Elysia speaks up. Saying that "we have hope. A newcomer has arrived."

Can you say awkward?

Yak Man scoffs at this and says that Ryan is too small to be a newcomer. Yeah, just keep telling yourself that Mr. Yakkity Yak. Rhino Man (his name is Moseley but Rhino Man sounds better) says.... I don't know what he says but the sad part is that he's voiced by Gary Chalk, Optimus Primal himself from Beast Wars. Of course, Ryan says one of the most overused jokes ever.

"Houston, we have a problem."

So finally, Ryan meets Master Chung. Chung says to him that Elysia told him that he has the Manuscript. Ryan tells him his name and asks him if he can see the Warriors of Virtue to which he happily agrees. But wait a second, aren't you going to say that you lost the damn book? Never mind.

So, we get our first look at one of the warriors and yeah, it's like what the marketing promised, kangaroos. Master Chung that he trained them to protect Tao and that each holds honor and integrity. So, what? This guy is supposed to be Splinter? Did he gather them up in a coffee can or something?

Chung explains that they use the Forces of Nature as their weapon. Sound familiar? Yeah, it does. But in a nut shell, they do use kung fu. And yes, he says the same elements Ming said earlier. Why doesn't Ryan say something about this? I would definitely say that a friend of mine told me the exact same thing.

Ryan even brings up his name but Chung doesn't seem to care. So now, we finally get an action sequence. The kangaroo's name is Lai, his element is wood and his weapon is apparently a bo staff. Sorry Lai, but you have nothing on Donatello. He handles a bo-staff in a more kick ass fashion than you do.

Also, I'd like to point out that a lot of people have made similarities with the kangaroos in this film with the kangaroos from Tank Girl. For anyone who has seen both films, it's not hard to see why. The only exception is that Ice Cube doesn't play any of them this time.

Next up is Tsun, his element is Earth and he has a sword, it looks really wooden. Oh, and apparently he can literally burst out from the ground and there are strings attached to him if you look closely. Actually, is Tsun is a boy or a girl? Because I can't tell, he has the figure of a boy but sounds like a girl. So I can't really tell. But they refer to her as a girl anyway, so why not?

Anyway, next is Chi. His element is fire and he really doesn't have a weapon. He has one of those firework lighters (I really don't know the name), but it's not really much though they do kind of look like arrows especially in a later close up. But that's just me.

Next is Yee, played by of all people, Doug Jones. Who would later go on to better movies like Pan's Labyrinth and the Hellboy movies. Anyway, his element is Metal and his weapon is pretty much like a metal hulu-hoop. Okay, it's a large metallic ring but I doubt it is such a thing. Of course, unlike the other kangaroos, he doesn't speak.

Ryan points out that one is missing. Chung says that Yun is the leader, his element is water and we're not told of his weapon, at least not yet. He explains that Yun lost the will to fight. Um, why?

Whoa, wait a second, the kangaroo from earlier was Yun, right? Spoiler alert!

Ryan is easily impressed but to the audience, it's really not. A mishap occurs when Chu and Chi were training, he accidentally shoots off fire to which Master Chung takes action, puts out the fire and walks on water. Chung, I'm sorry but Mr. Miyagi is clearly better than you.

So later that night, they gather around a campfire and Ryan finally meets the warriors in person. He introduces them again, despite the fact that he did earlier. Master Chung asks if Ryan can show the Manuscript but Ryan finally says that he doesn't have it. He points out that one of them might have it much to their confusion. He assumes that any of them could've fought Komodo's soldiers from earlier and that they might have his backpack. They don't know what it is but Chi points out that Yun might have it. Oh, and Elysia has a grim look on her face for some reason. Foreshadowing?

Lai tells him to forget Yun. He argues that Yun doesn't care and will not help. Seriously, they not only rip off the Turtles but they're ripping off personalities of the characters themselves. You know, I take it back; he has nothing on Donatello AND Raphael.

Master Chung points out that the five of them must work together and that they must find Yun. Five? There's four unless you're counting the kid.

He also gravely points out that without the Manuscript, they'll never defeat Komodo. Just how powerful is Komodo anyway?

Fast forward to Ryan and Elysia talking, she asks what his parents are like and since she doesn't know the meaning of the word "cool", he just says that they're nice. Seriously, what happened to the father?

Elysia says that she never got to her parents since they died especially after her and her brother were born. She tells him that Master Chung looked after them. Ryan asks what happened to her brother and she replies that he died recently.

Wait, recently? More foreshadowing?

Anyway, for some reason, she assumes that he must've been a great leader since he had the Manuscript. Um, why would she assume that he was a leader? But he doesn’t that he's not and that he's more of a bad follower. No surprise why. But says that he would like to show them now. Apparently, expressions don't exist in Tao so she doesn't get the meaning.

Then in a rush, he yells out that he can run, play football, etc. He's still pretty giddy about his working leg. Of course, Elysia finds this funny but in a charming way. So yeah, they instantly become friends, they even say so. She then tells him that she wants to show him something.

She takes him to what seems to be outside of the village I guess, he sees bust statues that have the kangaroo's heads. Elysia explains that they're a tribute to them and that before the war even started, they were revered. Wait, what war? Never mind. Ryan asks why Yee doesn't talk and the reason for that is because there was so much suffering, he simply stopped.

He then asks as to why Yun left Tao and apparently, Yun killed someone. By accident or on purpose? He doesn't ask that but he does point out that in war, people die. But Elysia angrily retorts that it was life. He apologizes and she calms down, she then explains that the warriors made a vow never to kill someone but she trails off after she mentioned Yun again for some reason. Saying that someday he'll understand.

Ryan asks again but only to be kidnapped by someone. Elysia then says that she reminds her of her brother before she realizes that he's missing. Then who is no doubt Komodo is calling out her name as soon as she runs away.

It turns out that Ryan is kidnapped by names I forgot to mention (only two of them actually) Mantose, some other guy and the female henchwoman Barbarotious. Don't look at me, I didn't make up the name.

Soon, they come across Yun sitting on a stump. For some reason, they decide to tease him especially about killing someone. This is enough to piss off Yun and in response, he swing his tail on a bunch of leaves and a fight scene erupts as apparently, his tail is strong enough to unleash winds. Weird. And this is another problem with the film, the fight scenes are shot in really *beep* quality. I'm not joking, look at the film yourself and tell me something is wrong. I mean, it looks so blurry and it's not just in this scene, it's in a lot of the fight scenes.

Oh, and you know, of all the villains, Barbarotious seems to be the most competent as she held her own against Yun pretty well. And did I mention that her voice is dubbed by another actress? Of course, with them distracted Ryan escapes and cuts himself free and the henchmen retreat.

Soon afterwards, he talks to Yun, asking him if he has the manuscript. He knows what it is but admits that he doesn't have the damn book. Ryan tries to convince to return to Tao and fought Komodo but leaves saying that he doesn't understand and takes off.

You know, to me the biggest insult the movie offered is the fact that Yun is voiced by Scott McNeil. He's best known as the voice of Duo Maxwell from Gundam Wing, Dr. Wily in the MegaMan cartoon, Wolverine from X-Men Evolution and pretty much characters like Waspinator and Dinobot from Beast Wars. I'm actually of the man's works, so hearing his voice in this, is just sad to me.

Anyway, in response, the kid proceeds to call him a wimp and such.

But believe it or not, he actually comes back seconds later. What the hell? All the kid did was insult him and suddenly, he's convinced to return to Tao? You know what? Yun is probably easy to manipulate. Send in Emperor Palpatine, have him ask Yun to join the dark side, he'll refuse but then like five seconds later, he agrees.

Back with the rest of the kangaroos, they apparently smell a scent. They're in disbelief so they attempt to investigate. Fast forward things a bit, Yun is reunited with the rest of the warriors and Master Chung, Yun admits to Lai that Ryan convinced him to return even though he insulted him. But all of Tao rejoices as the Warriors of Virtue have finally been reunited.

Oh, and apparently Ryan is the only one who can read the Manuscript. I really doubt that to be honest.

But we then cut to Komodo's palace but get this, before we cut straight to Komodo, there's a monkey-like being screaming in pain for some odd reason and we never got to know what it is.

Alright, might as well call that one a Big Lipped Alligator Moment.

But we cut to Komodo who is apparently dreaming, or so I assume. But General Grillo informs him that all the zubrium has been mined from the life spring. So, all of Tao is dead? Anyway, he also informs him that his army is read but wonders what they should do since Yun has returned. Wow, the word of mouth in Tao sure spreads quickly.

Oh, and apparently the three stooges have been injured badly. Mantose is standing on crutch for crying out loud. Did Yun whoop their asses that badly?

But Komodo's response is to "not think thoughts." Um okay. He also says that even when the kangaroos are reunited, they can't defeat him especially since they want the manuscript. You know, I can't follow this guy's speeches as they just mainly consist of non-sensical rambles. So, it's really hard for me to understand especially his motivation.

But this one is where I question the guy himself. After he tells everyone except for Grillo to leave and asks if he can survive when he destroyed the last life spring and if he can survive. He asks General Grillo if purple suits him.

This is why I referred to him as someone with PMS even though he's a guy. Plus, does he have a huge closet of outfits by any chance?

Back in Tao, the kangaroos and Ryan have a secret meeting. They discuss about taking the Manuscript from Komodo's fortress. Tsun isn't keen on the idea and suggest talking to Master Chung about it but Chi doesn't think so. He argues that Komodo can attack at any time. Tsun replies that Master Chung told them be patient but Chi replies that patient is not his virtue.

Oh, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. That's a pun on the phrase "patience is a virtue." Yes, you are very clever for making that reference.

Anyway, Lai says that if all of them go retrieve the book, there will be chaos. Tsun agrees that if they leave, the whole place will be defenseless and that they made a pledge to protect Tao from danger. Yun decides that he'll go alone especially since he made a pledge to Master Chung and that he allowed the Manuscript to be taken.

Yee disagrees and says that he'll go with Yun. How does he say it? By making an insult to sign language. Chi agrees to come as well. Ryan suggests that he should go too especially since he's the only who can read it. Chi says that he can't since it's unwise.

Yee says something with the insulting sign language. Chi translates it as that they must keep him from harm and he considers him a friend. Yeah, they're fast friends already. Ryan wishes them luck but unknown to Elysia overheard everything. Would it suck to be them, right now?

We then get a pointless scene where Yak Man is complaining that he has to play babysitter and it was all thanks to Rhino Man. So yeah, they're guarding the kid while he's sleeping.

We then cut to Komodo's palace and surprise, surprise, Elysia turns out to be a villain as well. We get more of Komodo's non-sensical ramblings and they also have the hots for each other apparently. And he has this bottle that seems to be the zubrium that Elysia seems to also want so badly as if it were a *beep* drug or alcohol. Oh, and she now looks like someone straight out of a play about Ancient Greece and she has big breasts. Because big breasts equals evil?

Ryan then wakes up and checks his leg to see if it wasn't a dream but it's not. He then notices something covered in cloth and it's glowing. A midget guy named Mudlap stops him. Hey, wait a second, wasn't he the same guy trying to kill Ryan earlier?

Anyway, Mudlap tells him that it's Yun sword and that nobody touches it, not even Yun himself. Afraid of killing someone else I guess? The kid realizes who he is from earlier asking him what he's doing here in Tao. He says that he wants to make a deal with him, he says won't tell until he gets something in return.

Of course, Ryan lifts him threatening so he agrees to talk. He says that he has the Manuscript and that he stole it from Komodo. He also mentions that he hid it somewhere where no one will know and that he'll take him there. Ryan wants to alert the warriors but Mudlap doesn't want him to. He says that the Manuscript isn't theirs but his. He says that what's the use of it when he can't get back home.

Ryan still refuses saying that they still need him here. Mudlap was about to leave until Ryan changed his mind and decides to find the Manuscript. Oh, and Mudlap's reward is the kid's watch. Kid, he tried to kill you earlier. What makes you think he'll help? And you'd know his name anyway? He didn't introduce himself.

Anyway, we cut to Master Chung in the same exact same footage from the prologue except a close up of his face. We then cut to the woods again, Ryan tries to catch up with Mudlap but General Grillo gets him. It was all a trap to kidnap the kid. Ryan is pissed as Mudlap mocks him by saying "Virtue will be yours" and walks off with the watch.

On his way to Komodo's fortress, Master Chung somehow stops him and freezes the guy. And he inadvertly releases Ryan from his grasp. How? I don't know.

Chung chastises Grillo for his actions saying that Komodo's lies have blinded him and that the truth is still there in his heart. So, wait, this came from Tao too? How many people did Komodo brainwash, anyway or voluntary came to him?

You know, I'll give the filmmakers this, the lighting looks effective and the choice of music during scenes of the kangaroos hopping their way to Komodo's fortress is neat. There's even one shot of the fortress that is somehow effective. It's just me but it's really not enough to save the movie.

They finally arrive at Komodo's fortress without any noticing and the Manuscript is directing in the center. Normally, someone would be suspicious about this but apparently, they don't notice. Yun tries to make a grab for it but Chi stops him from doing so.

[–] Cryptfan2 15 years ago

Okay, so they do know it's too easy even they say it out loud. Yee tries to grab it but it disappears.

Is the film part Sci-Fi? Because I think that was a hologram.

Anyway, chains and shackles come out of the walls pulling a Hellraiser on them except they don't pierce through their skin but they do hold them in mid-air. So, yeah, it was a trap. Big surprise there.

Elysia comes out, mocking them. Quite frankly, the premise is easy to mock anyway. They soon realize that she's on Komodo's side and that motivation apparently was what Yun had done. It'll get more confusing later on, trust me on this.

Soon the rest of the villains including Komodo come out of hiding, roaring and cheering at their accomplishment. Komodo explains that he's going to kill them by having fall underground and that they'll be chopped into pieces by some huge blade. Komodo still continues rambling, Mantose rolling on the ground enjoying everything a little too much.

Was someone on LSD when they made this movie?

At one point, Komodo and Elysia kiss and this makes Barbarotious jealous. Fast forward things a bit and Komodo announces that he has captured Ryan but of course, General Grillo informs him that he doesn't have him and that Master Chung does. Now he says that he'll go after the old man and the Life Spring afterwards. It's this part that gets (unintentionally hilarious) especially Yun's reaction and Komodo's yelling of the word "YES!"

It's the equivalent to Bison's "Of course!"

Komodo hands Grillo the zubrium, Yun gives a speech that he can still be a good guy and such and finally, the kangaroos finally fall to their death or so it seems. Grillo seems to feel guilty though.

Inside, Chi lights up his finger (?) and they' hanging on to a blade thanks to Yun with some rope. Where'd he get that from? Plus, realistically, these guys would fall and a small piece of rope won't help. But then again, I'm bringing in logic into this.

Really, you might the entire sequence with them and the blade pretty boring. So, to save you the trouble, I'm just going to say it in a nutshell. They fall, Yee's ring delays the blade from doing anything, they find a tunnel, they escape and they retreat back to Tao. I'll admit, the way Yee falls is kind of funny.

And finally, the invasion begins as Komodo's men march to Tao. Back with Ryan and Master Chung, they discuss about a lot of things. Masters Chung offers some wisdom and teaches him about Kung. No, not cum. Kung. It's the concept of one with energy and inner strength.

After a few more things about the manuscript, says the answer lies within and Master Chung senses something. He says Ryan when he tells him to run, run and go to the Life Spring. It's at that moment Komodo finally appears looking like what could be Vegeta's rejected character design.

Another fight scene insures. While it's well choreographed, it suffers the same problem the earlier fight scene is that it's all shot in *beep* quality and looks kind of blurry. Not only that, Komodo's grunts are actually Scott McNeil's and not only that, they use his screams multiple times; it's not just in this sequence. Though, I'll admit, I like the screams. I just wish it was used in another movie. Hell, Transformers would've made a better use of a Scott McNeil scream.

Oh, and Ryan runs into Barbarotious again and apparently, a mouth full of dirt is her only weakness. Back with Komodo and Chung, they're still fighting and they appear to be evenly matched or so it seemed. It's like watching a fight in Dragonball Z except this isn't in the least bit entertaining. He pulls out a sword after he moved like crazy as if he were dancing. It's probably easy to spot any stuntmen like in 3 Ninjas with the stunt grandpa.

They leap over a field of wheat and stand on rocks that probably wouldn't support their weight. Ryan comes back and, hey, wait a second, Master Chung told you to run; why are you back? Are you trying to get yourself captured?

He runs again as Komodo kicked the old man into the field again. Ryan suddenly gets his foot stuck on the ground somehow. You know, that guy from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning had an excuse to get his foot caught on something since it was a bear trap.

Master Chung gets up and rushes (or leaps) towards Komodo despite Ryan's protest and Komodo delivers the finishing blow in the most odd way as possible. I can't really describe it. I mean, it shows Komodo cutting off a huge piece of rock, it falls on the old man and ultimately kills him. What's weird is that it looks, um, fluid. It's like if someone's fingerprint smeared on the reel. By the way, Komodo has blood on his face for some reason even though he wasn't near the rock!

And once again, they show the broken beads falling. What are they supposed to mean? Is someone trying to compete with John Woo?

Soon after, he falls and crawls towards Master Chung's dying body. He says to the old man that he's in hell and asks how he should get out to which Master Chung replies that the only hell is in his heart. If you say so. Ryan yells "no" as he tries to get out and Komodo then has this funny demented look on his face as if he's going to molest him. By the way kid, in war, you don't give yourself away to the enemy!

Back in Tao, all hell finally breaks loose as Tao is defenseless against Komodo's soldiers. Apparently there's some off-screen killing involved but that gets confusing as to what happens later. Yak Man tries to run away but literally ends up falling on his face. Great work there, dude. You're the man.

So in the next shot before Tsun attacks, it turns out the soldiers are taking prisoners. Then wait a second, what was with the implied killing? Anyway, Tsun comes in and kicks ass and releases a few prisoners. There's one shot when she knocks down Komodo's men and it just looks badly choreographed, it just looks like a bad episode of Xena.

Afterwards, someone's hand grabs her tail and I swear it's so hilarious. Anyway, just as soon as Lai comes in for assistance (by crashing through a bridge mind you), the ground explodes revealing Mantose and the other guy. Wait, they can do that?

The other guy knocks down Tsun but Lai whacks him with the bo staff and as Mantose prepares to deliver the finishing blow to Tsun, she stops by him throwing flowers at him and having him stuck to tree? What? Okay, why give a lame ability like that to a female character? Come to think of it, was Tsun chosen to be a warrior of Earth just so that the writers have an excuse to put flowers on her to make her look girly? That's really sexist.

I mean, Toph Bei Fong from Avatar is an Earthbender but you don't see her frolicking in a field of flowers. But I'm just going off topic.

Tsun and Lai soon realize that the odds are against them and decide to retreat but not before Mantose proceeds to insult them yelling out "Stupid roos!" and Tsun, in response, throwing a flower at his mouth and he can't spit it out either. So, flowers are his weakness?

Yun, Chi and Yee arrive at Tao finding out that it's now been under siege by Komodo's men. They regret that they left Tao leaving them ultimately defenseless. So, they leave to find the remaining kangaroos and go to the "one place that's still safe." Yeah, he can probably guess what that is.

Back at Komodo's fortress, Ryan is on Komodo's bed and Elysia comes by still looking like someone out of a play about Ancient Greece. How Komodo knocked him unconscious, I have no idea. Ryan wakes up and sees that Elysia is on Komodo's side and he figures that out, rather quickly. Too quickly. She pleads to him but doesn't listen; he calls her a traitor and says that Master Chung has died. And he brings up the fact that the warriors protected her but she doesn't believe that part.

While she did bring up the fact that Yun killed someone and Ryan says to her that technically, the person was one of the bad guys but this is apparently the shocker the writers were building up. Elysia admits that the person Yun killed was her brother. To quote M. Night Shymalan, "what a twist!"

Seriously, let me see if I understand this. Yun left Tao because he killed Elysia's brother by accident, I guess and this motivates her to join Komodo. For revenge, maybe? However, this raises the question, while it's likely that her brother was on Komodo's side but what exactly did he do that motivated Yun to kill the guy in the first place even it was accidental?

I'm sorry I keep cutting away from the movie but it's just that there are so many damn mistakes in this movie!

Anyway, Elysia then tells her that the kangaroos are dead because Komodo killed them but Ryan tells her to shut up and that she set him up and only pretended to be his friend. But she gets defensive especially when she says that he can still go back to his home but that doesn't work. Ryan runs away again but not before he runs into Komodo by screaming in his face, You know, that last part was in some of the TV spots.

Anyway, fast forward things a bit, Komodo tries to play Palpatine especially by saying that he's everything he'll become and some other *beep* ramblings. Can someone please tell me what the writers were smoking when they thought of this guy? Come to think of it, it looked like Angus knew this was going to terrible so apparently he decided to ham it up.

Komodo finally gets Ryan the book but not before Grillo informs Komodo that the last life sping is now under their control and that the kangaroos have escaped. He then leaves by command. Boy that was pointless. Go figure. So he opens the book, looks through the pages and....

Nothing. Literally, there's nothing on the book. Movie over? No of course, not. Komodo then bellows at him to read the words and guess what he says? In fact, guess the following.

Does he say

A. Eat my dick, you bastard.
B. Do a Barrel Roll.
C. I remember it so you don't have to.
Or D. Hello and welcome to Atop The Fourth Wall, where bad comics burn.

Caution, what the kid will be hilarious. He says *beep* happens."

E. *beep* happens

Damn, that was my second guess!

Komodo and Elysia don't understand what he meant but apparently, they soon realize what he means. Okay kid, what went through your goddamn mind when you said that? Are you trying to piss him off on purpose? A *beep* psycho is holding you hostage and apparently, the best way of getting out of the situation is to piss him off even more. Way to go, Ryan.

Komodo, way pissed off beyond belief, tries to kill him but Elysia stops him from doing so but not before she is stabbed and killed by Barbarotious. She thinks that he could possibly love him but that's not the case as Komodo's kill her, somehow especially since he screamed. Wow, remind me never to piss off Scott McNeil as he has the scream of death! Run for your lives! Ryan escapes and Komodo yells that he wants the kid alive. Alive? You tried to kill him!

Komodo's soldiers bring in the citizens of Tao as prisoners including Yak Man and Rhino Man. Ryan cries out to them to help them and suddenly, they start kicking ass. Okay, these guys got their asses handed them and now they can suddenly put up a fight. Okay.

Anyway, the soldiers try to make a grab at Ryan but they all miss, one even jumps at him and he misses. Anyway, more soldiers come and Ryan alerts to the two suddenly kicking ass animals that more are on the way. Both Yak Man and Rhino Man charge at them and tackle them allowing Ryan to escape.

All is still not well as the kangaroos place flowers over the dead body of Master Chung, mourning the loss of their mentor. Komodo does the same by allowing the dead body of Elysia lie on his bed. In the woods however, Ryan cries like a bitch. Saying that he didn't want to be here. Kid, it was your own fault that you went to Tao in the first place, your friend to warn you but you didn't bother to listen and acted like a prick, you have used up your chances to gain sympathy from the audience. You don't get a second chance, YOU FAIL!

Mudlap comes back and is suddenly humble for some reason. He offers the kid his watch back but Ryan just dismisses him and tells him to leave him alone. He says he wants to help but the kid barks at him and saying that he doesn't want. He leaves the watch besides him and leaves but not before saying that the kangaroos need the kid's help.

Why the sudden change in personality? You lead him into a trap and suddenly, you feel sorry?

Well, back with Komodo (wearing his rejected DBZ costume); he apparently took over all of Tao especially since he's sitting on a throne of some sort. Where was that anyway? Komodo asks Grillo about the Manuscript. Grillo replies that they looked everywhere and haven't found any but he's given the order to search again. So, all of his troops and his henchmen leave the village to search for the Manuscript.

Ryan returns to the kangaroos admitting that he can't the book and apologizes for it and he even shows that the book is empty. Their response? Nothing, because everyone decides to take action and fight against Komodo whether they live or die, make their choice. Oops, wrong movie. But the other parts are basically true.

Seriously, you guys are not going to say anything about the Manuscript being empty? If you say so. Yun grabs his swords and the final battle is about to begin. About *beep* time.

So yeah, after a lot of confusion, the final battle begins. The warriors show up in Tao on a bridge demanding to Komodo that they want their home back. Komodo responds by shaking his head wildly and saying pretty much the only part about the movie that people actually like.

"Warriors, come out to play!"

This is mainly because it's a reference to the film The Warriors. For those who don't know, The Warriors was released in 1979, directed by Walter Hill is about a movie about gang who is framed for killing a gang leader trying to unite all gangs. Though a bit dated due to the fashion seen in the film (I mean, it was released in the 1970's) but the film still remains a cult classic. Though the film is still well known thanks to the line "Warriors, come out to play."

Anyway, Komodo suddenly disappears much to the confusion of the kangaroos. He suddenly then reappears in mid-air and causes the *beep* bridge to explode causing them to scatter. The smoke clears to reveal Komodo and apparently there's five of them of now. Yeah, he can make clones of himself. Oh, so this is where Lucas got the idea for Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones.

They're shocked to see Komodo clones and they instantly launch at each kangaroo. Dear lord, his movie has like the insanity of Batman Forever and any episode of Gargoyles: The Goliath Chronicles with the plotlines and the dialogue except this isn't funny. So yeah, they all fight against each clone leaving the real Komodo with Yun, I think. I'll give them this though, the final fight is kind of epic despite the unnecessary small amount of dialogue the kangaroos and Komodo have been given.

Later on, the kangaroos get their asses handed to them by each Komodo clone. If this was the writers attempt to make him a badass, it's too little too late guys. Anyway, we cut back to Ryan who is apparently crying again. He's suddenly emo because he flat out can't help the kangaroos. Suddenly a bright light admits from the book and Master Chung's voice is heard. What?

The guy's Obi-Wan too? So, no satisfied with ripping off the Ninja Turtles and the Power Rangers, they decided to rip-off Star Wars too. Okay, this movie just stopped trying.

Oh, and the Manuscript finally has some text. It says "Five is one. Positive Kung. To take a life, you loose a part of yourself." Ryan then suddenly recalls the moment when Komodo killed Master Chung, he realizes that he lost his power when killed Chung. What? He lost his power? If he did, then he wouldn't be able to disappear, reappear in mid-air, making a *beep* bridge explode and make clones of himself! *beep*

So we cut back to Komodo and Yun and, hey, wait a second. They stood facing each other the entire time? What? What were they even doing, having a coffee break? Anyway, more rambling from Komodo, the two fight. Oh, and get this, Yun's sword glows like a lightsaber. Yeah, I think they had Star Wars on the brain. To quote a Kevin Smith movie,

"I think, George Lucas is gonna sue somebody."

And come to think, Yun and Komodo clashing their swords appeared on a lot of the advertisements for the movie like it was going to be the big then but in the movie, it only lasted for like 15 seconds in total. Kind of reminds me of the trailers for Transformers: The Movie when they made a big deal of the final battle between Optimus Prime and Megatron and it turned out that it was in the middle of the movie. Yeah, good marketing strategy guys.

Yun (kind of) has a "I AM A MAN!" moment, triggers the sword (?) and makes Komodo and his clones disappear somehow. Huh? They all wonder what happened to Komodo and what they should do now. Guys, you could rescue the prisoners. But much to their surprise, Master Chung returns! Wait, what?

They're surprised but they don't seem to ask as to how he came back. But Master Chung says to Yun that he's disappointed him and that he acts in such a haste. That and the life spring is gone. Yun asks as to what they'll do but his replies that he can go to hell. Nope, no joke, he says it though it turns out to be Komodo. So, he's a shape shifter too? Anyway, just as he was about to break his neck. Guess who shows up?

Ryan, okay, you know what? That's it; I'm not calling him Ryan, anymore. He-Bitch returns and calls out to Komodo. That and he proceeds to rip apart the Manuscript. He then tells Chi (why not the rest of the kangaroos?) that fives is one and they should combine. Oh great, this is going to lead to something isn't it?

Komodo leaps up and charges himself at He-Bitch. He narrowly avoids Komodo but apaprently he's lying on the ground. Chi realizes that their medallions can, hey, wait a second? They didn't say anything about medallions. So yeah, they shout out their elements but apparently Yee doesn't say anything but it still works somehow. Oh great, they're ripping off Captain Planet now. Oh goody, something bad as this movie.

They turn into this, big ball of light for some reason, swallows up Komodo and makes his body crack. The light shines and the kangaroos are sprawled out on the floor. Yee finds He-Bitch and they're grateful that he made a sacrifice and happy that what He-Bitch told them worked. They find the page where He-Bitch read about five being one. Chi explains that He-Bitch sacrificed himself to save them and that Komodo expended his negative Kung trying to kill him and it weakened him.

Suddenly, Komodo's men returns and Yun tells General Grillo that the war is over and Chi says that it's the only way. Suddenly, a voice is heard. Everyone turns to see who it is and wait what the *beep*? Komodo? Now, wait a second, didn't he just die? No, it can't be. When someone dies, they die. What the hell, man?

And apparently, he lost his memory too. He claims to be lost and is looking for the way back home. Yun tells him that Tao is his home and he accepts that rather quickly. Suddenly, faster than you can say "What the hell?" a bright light suddenly appears much to everyone's surprise and they're very happy about it. The soldiers take off their ridiculous helmets and Lai says that the life spring is alive.

So, when Komodo exploded, he lost the zubrium? So anyway, Grillo tells the two henchmen to release the villagers. The kangaroos gather around He-Bitch once more, very pleased that peace has returned to Tao. And here's another twist, Yee finally talks.

"While guys hold on to their toys forever, girls soon t

[–] Cryptfan2 15 years ago

Yeah, he finally talks much to everyone's surprise and suddenly... what?

Wait, we're back in the sewer?! WHAT?! THE?! *beep*?! How'd he get back to Earth? Did he imagine the whole thing in his head? Did he actually picture what would happen if he crossed the pipe? They actually went to the lowest common denominator like North did. Why?

Anyway, the movie is back to where it started and Brad says a line that he didn't even say before. Anyway, the event plays out differently as He-Bitch refuses and throws the spray paint can into the canal much to Brad's dismay. But Chucky is pleased that He-Bitch came to his senses. Brad calls him a pansy-ass and the girl replies to him to shut up. Suddenly, the drainpipe from before pours the water only this time nobody's a victim. Though Brad has the same reaction as before, probably from a different take.

He can't get out now since well, the pipe is likely to be slippery so he can't leave. His cronies then leave him there, probably as revenge no doubt. So, they agree call the cops to have this picked up, it would suck to be Brad right now. Such a pity.

So, we cut back to He-Bitch's home and his mom returns. They have a pointless conversation in He-Bitch's bedroom and she leaves. He-Bitch opens the jar again and finds a note that says "Spread your wings." Looks up the sky and sees a shooting star. He-Bitch asks his dog if he wants to hear about Tao. And finally, the movie ends.

For those who don't know, Ronny Yu directed this movie. I'm not kidding, this was his first American feature film. And it's probably something that he prefers never to talk about again. The only time he mentioned it was in his Bride of Chucky commentary that he called it [Bride of Chucky] his second American film. You know, at least those two films are ten times better than Warriors of Virtue. Especially since he went back to Asia making the Jet Li movie Fearless. So yes, Fearless, Bride of Chucky and Freddy vs. Jason are the reason why the man's career survived.

And not only that, the film is based on characters created by Dennis, Ronald, Christopher and Jeremy Law. Yes, they're brothers and they're all MD apparently. Yes, I'm talking about doctors. So, it makes me wonder if they originally intended for these characters to be a Saturday morning cartoon and with a live action movie to follow.

The film had a budget of 35 million dollars and only grossed 6 million dollars. Yet despite that, a sequel was made into 2002. How it got one, I'll never know but in the sequel, there are no kangaroos. Ugh. The Warriors of Virtue universe is just flat out inconsistent.

Whatever the case, the concept was just doomed from the start. Even if it had Greg Weisman, Paul Dini or even Neil Gaiman writing the script. No writer could make a concept involving Kung fu kangaroos awesome.

This movie sucks! It's got continuity issues, plot holes and inconsistencies off the frickin' whazoo, the characters are bland and one dimensional, and the execution of the story is just horrible beyond words. My advice, stay away from it unless you want to make fun of it yourself. But if you want to see better movies or even tv shows. If you want kung fu fighting animals kicking ass, go watch the Ninja Turtles (any incarnation even the stupid live action show). Or if you want a story where a kid goes to another world, Coraline is for you (both the book and the movie) and hell, even The Warriors. I'll recommend The Warriors as well.

Before I finish this, I still wonder how the film got the greenlight in the first place. I have a theory that it was probably made because Angus Macfadyen was fresh off the success of Braveheart. He even gets top billing on the posters and even the end credits. His name is first!

I'm basing this theory on how the original Planet of the Apes got greenlit in the first place. What happened was that Arthur P. Jacobs, the producer pitched the concept of adaptating the book into a feature film but every Hollywood studio said "no" to the idea. Not surprising since anything involving gorillas or any other monkey just involves guys in suits used in comedies or B-movies. So, to get the movie made, he was able to cast Charlton Heston onto the picture, publish it in Variety and the rest is history.

But that's just my theory, not sure if it's true but if it is, then wow. Regardless, hope you enjoyed the review and stay away from bad movies.

"While guys hold on to their toys forever, girls soon throw out their playthings."